If you have a reformist personality, where did this desire to be a hero come from? Maybe you should analyze the reasons why some people want to fix others.
Fixing things and fixing people are not the same thing. You can’t just put a band-aid on your friend and expect him to be fine. On the contrary, sometimes it is better to leave them alone. But the truth is that there are many of us who cannot help ourselves, and we must try to fix others.
Reasons why people like to correct others
Well, there are a few reasons. To be honest, not all of these reasons are negative or self-serving. If you think you might be a reformer, you must first understand why you want to be a hero so much, and keep your word.
- A habit that is difficult to break
I have found that people sometimes try to fix others because they are used to being taken care of.
For example, when you take care of your children, you solve their problems from an early age, but you also teach them to be independent as well. But even after they reach adulthood, you can still try to solve their problems. Sometimes they appreciate it, other times they may feel insulted.
I’ve personally been in this place emotionally with my oldest son. So, I had to learn to stop trying to fix it. it was hard. If you have children, you probably understand exactly where I’m coming from.
Sometimes they like to help, sometimes they don’t. You may find yourself trying to fix it all the time. This can push them away if they don’t like to interfere.
- Empathy in action
Here’s one reason we try to fix others, and it’s not selfish. If you’re an empath, you understand the pain of your friends and family, which means you never want to stand aside and do nothing when they’re hurting. Empathy cannot look beyond the feelings they share with others.
If this sounds familiar, you’re trying to be a hero to those you love. If they are being abused, you want to save them because you can feel a little of their torment as if it were your own torment. You don’t look inward, you look at them, and you feel like something needs to be done.
- Feeling in control
On the other hand, trying to fix others can come from a place of control. When a friend is having problems at work, and they talk about it all the time, it means that there is a feeling of uncertainty about your friend’s future. Uncertainty can mean a loss of control.
As with your own life, trying to control things, you want to control its problems as well. But maybe you’re not asking for help so much as just venting.
Either way, you may find yourself offering advice and telling her about job openings instead of just listening. You cannot stand outside of control over situations, whether in your life or the lives of others.
- Responsibility for the happiness of others
One of the reasons we feel the need to make things right for others is because we feel responsible for making them happy. If our mate is having problems with his family, we may offer to intervene to make things right. This is not always the thing to do. In reality, this is rarely the thing to do. Why do we feel responsible for the happiness of others in this way?
Well, for some people, intimacy means making each other happy. The truth is that happiness comes from within, and we are not responsible for developing this feeling in others, only ourselves.
So, when we become involved with another person, that is, too emotionally involved, we try to save them from all their aches and pains.
- We have become transcendent
When we hear our friends talk about being abused, we may sometimes think, “Well, I won’t tolerate that,” and then we start offering advice on how to fix those problems. Somehow, we think we are smarter, so instead of just offering support, we come forward with all kinds of solutions assuring them that our ideas are foolproof.
Are you guilty of this? Do you look down on others and step in to save the situation? You may not think you are transcendent, but you are.
While friends are expressing their feelings towards you, you are already thinking of much better ways to deal with situations that hurt them. Because in reality you think these things will never happen to you, but you are human just like them.
Are you trying to fix others?
Is this you? Do you belong to these categories? If so, you need to learn how to step away and occasionally let friends and loved ones help themselves. After all, they are not helpless, and you are not their savior. So, to change this behavior pattern, you must take some steps.
- Check yourself
First, you must figure out the root cause of why you are trying to save people. This could be due to one aspect, or a few of the aspects I mentioned above.
If you’re just worried about them, you need to address that feeling. If you are selfish, you should approach this issue about yourself in a completely different way. In either case, the source must be identified first.
- Learn to listen
You may sit in front of your wife and hear his words, but are you listening? Before you can stop being “Captain Fixer,” you must learn to really listen. Truly listening is hearing the words of others, understanding what they are saying with your ears and mind.
Pay attention and stop formulating answers while they’re talking. First, listen to them, then pause. If you take just a moment to let the words sink in, you can give a much better response, without playing the hero.
- Be supportive
Instead of entering situations with a fix-it mindset, try a support mindset. When someone you love tells you they’re having trouble at school, don’t automatically turn everyone else into a villain in your mind. Just provide support.
Say something like,
“I’m here for you,” or “I’m listening, and I’ll help you if you want.”
You can offer support, even help, but don’t be aggressive in solving their problem without listening to them.
- Ask questions
If you’re not sure if they need your help, it’s okay to ask them. But if they insist that they don’t need help, and that they can take care of things themselves, then let them. You should never pressure someone even if you think you are helping them. Sometimes you can do more harm than good.
You can’t fix everything
Unfortunately, not everything in this world can be fixed by heroes. Sometimes, all you can do is listen when your loved ones talk about their pain. As much as you want to solve their problems, sometimes it’s impossible.
Remember that some things have to work out on their own, and other times, we have to let people save their lives. It all depends on the factors involved.
So, simply put, if you are someone who likes to fix others, stop. First, focus on yourself, and then when your loved ones need support, you’ll be better prepared to truly help them. Just think about it.
