If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know that they will show a dark side before long. The relationship may have started out all rainbows and butterflies, but it’s likely that it went downhill quickly.

Early on in a relationship with a narcissist, it will become clear to you that there’s something off about them. They can go from overly romantic to cold and cruel without warning.

This behavior leaves you feeling hurt and confused, and you may even blame yourself for whatever went wrong. As you try to understand their behavior, you may beg them to change, beg them to forgive you for whatever upset them, or do your best to please them.

As you try to make the relationship work, there will likely be a lot of conflict. At some point, the narcissist may label you a narcissist. Why do they do this? Are you really the narcissist in the relationship?

When you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, and they accuse you of being a narcissist, you’re likely to feel even more confused. Below, we’ll clear up the confusion surrounding this accusation.

Unlocking_the_Secrets_of_Accusing

It’s not uncommon for a narcissist to accuse their victims of being narcissists. This behavior usually happens for one or more of the reasons listed below.

1 Projection

Narcissists are notorious for having low self-esteem. Because of this, they go to great lengths to appear superior to everyone around them.

Related ; 4 Words You Should Never Say To a Narcissist

Narcissists can’t take responsibility for any of their negative traits, because their egos are too weak to allow it. To protect themselves, they use a variety of defense tactics.

One of these tactics is projection. This involves the narcissist taking their undesirable traits and attributing them to other people. If they feel like they’re being criticized for who they are, they may label you a narcissist!

2 Blaming Others

Narcissists can’t rely on just one defense mechanism, so they need more tools than projection in their arsenal. Blaming others is another common defense mechanism that allows narcissists to avoid accountability.

If you point out one of their mistakes, they may shift the blame by calling you a narcissist. Maybe you tell them that they hurt your feelings. They may respond, “You’re so arrogant, you think everyone cares about your feelings! You’re such a narcissist!”

This allows the narcissist to shift the blame onto you. Suddenly, you forget what you were upset about because you’re so shocked by the accusation.

3 Emotional Manipulation

Narcissists also love to manipulate emotions. This behavior involves trying to convince you that you’re crazy or having a hard time understanding reality.

If you try to hold the narcissist accountable, they may accuse you of being a narcissist. This makes you question your reality, and worry that you might be the problem in the relationship.

Being accused of being a narcissist leaves you feeling confused. Now, your head is spinning, and you wonder if this is really true. You may even start to question yourself. You thought you were a good person, but maybe you’re not!

When you’re confused and full of self-doubt, the narcissist puts you exactly where they want you. It’s much easier to control you when you’re unsure of yourself.

4 Manipulation

A narcissist may accuse you of being a narcissist simply because they want to manipulate you. A narcissist can’t let you have too much power. If you’re always feeling good about yourself, they’ll lose control over you!

To manipulate you, a narcissist may accuse you of being a narcissist. This can make you feel guilty and like you’ve displayed hurtful behavior. It’s also likely to undermine your self-esteem.

Over time, you may start to believe that you’re the real narcissist. To avoid being seen as a narcissist, you’ll likely go to great lengths to prove that you’re kind and honest.

You’ll also likely shower the narcissist with generosity to show that you’re not who they accuse you of being! This leaves the narcissist with all the power, because they’ve learned that a few simple insults will change your behavior.

5 Invalidating You

Narcissists struggle with empathy, so they have no time for your feelings. If they accuse you of being a narcissist, they may be trying to invalidate what you’re saying.

Their goal is to convince you that you’re being overly sensitive, or that you’re exaggerating your point of view. If they can convince you of this, you’ll start to feel bad about yourself.

After they fail to convince you over and over again, you’ll give up on expressing your feelings to the narcissist. Now they don’t have to hear your complaints and they’re in a position of power. They can do whatever they want to you, and you won’t even talk about it.

Am I Really a Narcissist?

When someone accuses you of being a narcissist, it’s hard not to start questioning yourself. This is especially true if you’ve faced repeated accusations.

So, are you a narcissist? Figuring out the answer to this question should be fairly simple. First, take some time to self-reflect. Do you tend to believe that you deserve special treatment or that you’re more important than others? Do you believe that you should be allowed to do whatever it takes to get people to give you your way?

If you answered “no” to these questions, you’re probably not a narcissist. Frankly, if you’re willing to take the time to engage in self-reflection, that’s a major indicator that you’re not a narcissist. Most narcissists are incapable of true self-reflection, especially if it means looking at their own flaws.

Related : Can a Narcissist Change for Love?

Since you’ve made it this far, you’ve passed this first test. Now, let’s take a look at your other relationships. Have all the people you’ve dated had the same issues with you that the person accusing you of being a narcissist seems to have? Have you been called a narcissist in previous relationships?

Again, if you answered “no,” you’re probably not a narcissist. If no one else in your life has called you a narcissist, it’s probably not a fair accusation. The person making the accusation is likely a narcissist, especially if they exhibit narcissistic traits, such as arrogance, a need for constant praise, and a willingness to exploit others.

Finally, consider your level of empathy. Do you feel genuinely sad or remorseful when you hurt someone? Do you empathize with what your loved ones are going through when they are hurt or upset? If so, you are probably not a narcissist.

Narcissists are unable to admit their mistakes, but they are very willing to criticize others. If you are in a relationship with someone who exhibits narcissistic traits, their accusations that you are the real narcissist should not be taken seriously.

They are likely trying to manipulate you or convince you that you are the abusive person, so that they do not have to admit their behavior. They want to be able to continue to abuse you, and in order for them to do so, they must maintain control.

One way they can do this is by making you feel like a selfish, arrogant jerk. Don’t let them get away with it.