Narcissists tend to make life miserable for those around them. They bully, control, exploit, and disrespect boundaries. If you’re on the receiving end of this type of behavior, it’s frustrating, degrading, and severely impacts your self-esteem. Narcissists get away with this behavior for years by destroying the trust of family members and choosing to surround themselves with people who will support their fragile sense of ego. However, sometimes the way narcissists act in the most intense situations is downright dangerous. Here’s why.
They don’t respect experts. My client, a physician, recounted the frustration she felt when dealing with a particular family whose father was ill. “His daughter will never respect my decisions. She spends all day looking up her father’s condition online and then tells me how to do my job. She calls constantly, takes up the nurses’ time, and is sometimes very rude to me. “I tried to be patient, but I got really angry.” Although my client was getting over her patient’s daughter, she was experiencing unnecessary anger and anxiety in the process. “It makes my job harder,” she told me. Narcissists try to get people in positions of expertise to follow their wishes because they think they know better than the experts. We would hope that anyone in a position of expertise would recognize narcissists for who they are, but at the very least, they cause stress and extra work.
They act without consulting others. No matter how dangerous an action is, if the narcissist believes they are right to do it, they will follow through without consulting anyone else. “My father put us in some real dangerous situations,” Matt recalls. “I remember one time it was snowing heavily. My mom told him not to even take the car, but he picked us up from school and then decided to visit our grandmother and take the back road which was very steep. I remember my brother and I being really upset and scared but he said it would be an adventure. We managed to do it, but it was very dangerous – the road was closed shortly after and we had to stay at my grandmother’s house.” It doesn’t matter how dangerous something is that others think it is – if a narcissist wants to do something, they will do it. They will put other people’s lives at risk if it gets their way. “My mom loved to show off in front of people, to laugh, to do anything to be the center of attention,” Danielle told me. “One day I was riding a horse we had. I was a very insecure rider and it was a very shy horse. I made her promise not to let go of the lead rope. There were a few people around – girls hanging around the field watching the horses – and without warning, my mom took the lead rope off the horse and slapped it hard on the bottom. “Go.” As they approached a large fence, Danielle threw herself off the fast-moving horse rather than risk jumping it. “I could have broken my neck. Everyone thought it was the funniest thing ever. It was a story that was repeated for years.” Not considering Danielle’s wishes, and getting a laugh, put Danielle in a very dangerous situation.
They suffer from low levels of empathy. Most of us would hope to consider not only the needs of others before taking action, but also how the situation will affect them. We have the ability to see things from their perspective – and walk in their shoes. Narcissists typically have much lower levels of empathy for others. Being right, being a winner, and being in control are far more important than worrying about how someone feels. Like the examples of Danielle and Matt above, narcissists put others at risk by failing to consider their needs.
They love drama. Narcissists thrive on drama, playing people off each other, keeping dangerous secrets, and leaving a trail of upset and helpless people in their wake. Creating dangerous situations is one way to create drama – especially when it happens within a web of deceit. The fact that some people will inevitably emerge from the drama vulnerable, upset, and scared because of the dangerous situation they’ve been dragged into is a win-win situation for the narcissist.
Whether you are in a relationship with a narcissistic parent or sibling, or your boss or political leader is a narcissist, the chances are that their inability to listen to experts, independent decision-making processes, need for attention, low empathy, and love of drama will put you in a dangerous situation at some point.
