The manipulator’s handbook is full of a number of vile tactics they use to dig their claws into someone and never let go. It can leave their victims feeling helpless and alone, and they’ve done nothing to ensure they’ll be treated that way.
To protect yourself from egregious people who aim to treat others this way, there are a number of defensive steps you can take that will immediately signal to any manipulator out there that you are not the one they are messing with.
In any relationship, always evaluate your feelings and ask yourself: Is this person making you love yourself more? Do you want to grow old with them?
Love is more than kisses and butterflies, it is so much more than that. If you want to learn more about what your birth chart reveals about what you love and need from a partner, check out this personalized report based on your date of birth.
Avoid negativity
While we may not like it or wish they all went away, there are plenty of bad people in the world, and most of them walk among us every single day. They are people you wouldn’t think of as evil or toxic, but who only show their true colors behind closed doors, often with their partners.
As we all navigate our romantic lives, we do our best to spot red flags and avoid these people when they make themselves known, but it’s not always easy! Rather than always having to stay super vigil, here are some powerful steps you can take to ward off these types altogether.
Decentralization of relationships
This step is kind of the first step everyone should take, as it will help with the rest in the future.
To live a fully fulfilling life, learn how to handle romantic relationships. This means remembering that your life can still be filled with love, passion, joy, and growth when you are single; You don’t need a romantic partner to enhance these sweet things. You are a whole person even when you are alone, and you can be just as happy alone as you can be in a relationship.
stronger alone
This step is very important because it makes you less likely to feel the need to cling to a relationship just because you feel you should. Having a strong desire for a relationship also creates a vulnerability that manipulators can use in order to manipulate you into staying with them even when you know you have to leave.
Having that strength and confidence back in being single is such a powerful force in a world where the idea of romance is sold on every corner, in every piece of media, and even among your friends. Put yourself first in every aspect of life to truly thrive.
Keep up their energy
One tactic that manipulators and narcissists use to get someone into a relationship is to give them lots of loving, validation, and attention, and then back off in a big way, leaving the person they’ve been nice to hungry for more.
This starts a cycle of dependency and creates a power imbalance structure, where one party has to beg the other for simple things like love, affection, and validation.
The “lots of love upfront, then denial” technique is known as love bombing and tends to happen very early in a new relationship.
Reduce his tone
To counter this, as soon as you notice this new person starting to withdraw and purposefully take the love from you, match that same energy. Recall your affection as well and see how they respond.
Instead, if you pick up on love bombing-like behavior, start putting limits on your contact with them. Don’t talk to them 24/7, don’t always be available for them right away, and take some time back for yourself.
If they are really manipulative, they will respond with anger at the boundaries you set. If this is just the case or if they are someone who goes through intense emotions easily, they are likely to be more understanding of your changes in behavior.
Do a cost-benefit analysis
This is more than just analytical advice, but analytical techniques for emotional scenarios can reap great benefits.
This is also a step that can happen at any time. Whether you’re currently single and taking a break from dating until you feel focused, or you’re currently connected but have always wanted to be proactive, taking the time to do a cost-benefit analysis of relationships as a concept should help you gain some perspective.
Sit down with yourself and decide what the relationship means to you, why you consider it important or not. What benefits do relationships bring to your life? What about the negatives? Most importantly, what are your red flags when it comes to a partner? What are your hard lines, your established boundaries that are grounds for breaking up if they are crossed?
The power of trust
Narcissists and manipulators will instantly become intimidated by any woman who not only knows her limits but also asserts them. They are looking for people who believe they can easily change their minds, thoughts, and opinions, but if you stick by your beliefs and know your worth from the start, they’ll know you won’t bend to their whims and move on quickly.
Not to mention, these things will also raise your standards instantly, which means the partner you end up with will be of a higher quality without you having to work to get there.
Heal your trauma
Addressing your own trauma is another important step for all of us, not just those seeking to avoid the worst that group dating has to offer.
We’ve all been through hard times, and while not all of them lead to great trauma, they still weigh on our minds for years after the fact. It’s important to sit down with these things and properly work through them, preferably with a professional, so we can release all of our pent-up feelings and not bring them into our next relationship.
Abusers of all kinds will seek out those they consider to be “damaged” (this is not the case, mind you) because they believe such people will have weaker and more resilient minds. It’s despicable, but these people don’t have the same morals as you or me.
Do it for yourself
It’s more than that, because the person you should think of first when you want to get better isn’t all the other bad people in the world; You must focus on yourself. Permanent trauma will always affect us and those around us, as it takes a lifetime to fully recover from events that destroy the psyche of a lifetime. It takes constant work, but you owe it not just to any potential lover of yours in the future but to yourself!
You deserve to live a happier, healthier life that doesn’t feel like endless drudgery through the trenches. Yes, getting therapy will make you a better partner, but before that, it will make you calmer inside your body.
Carry your money
Outside the realm of mental manipulation, the following narcissists tend to target to manipulate their victims is finances.
Finances are a powerful tool that can keep people trapped if they are managed improperly or if half of toxic relationships get completely under control. If a manipulator can convince someone that they are better off handling money in their relationship, or perhaps put their name on a lease or bank account, whatever it takes, it suddenly becomes difficult for the victim to leave.
Seeing green
The money you earn is yours and yours alone. Even if you don’t consider yourself very good with money, you are always the best person you can control with your money. Nobody has any business dealing with what is yours.
If you feel like this is an insecurity that someone could prey on, there is no better time than the present to consider how you can proactively file and budget your accounts. Courses, online guides, and even access to a trusted friend for budgeting advice are all steps you can take to build your confidence and financial literacy.
The best defense
As you can see, a lot of the helpful tools for warding off hateful partners are also tools that promote and encourage personal growth. This is no coincidence. The more we develop into the best version of ourselves, the less these types of people will want to deal with us.
They’re stuck in a past, childish and insecure version of who they are, and that insecurity makes them want to bring others down with them. The best advice to keep these types out of your life is to love yourself first and foremost. If you always want the best for yourself, you will never have to stoop to their level.
And for those of you who have been victims of these types of people in the past, know that this is not your fault. You were not the one who had the urge to hurt another person, and the fact that you did is a testament to your strength. You deserve your flowers and the comfort of knowing that you are a better person now than any manipulator you could be.
