In our society, there is a consistent pattern of favoring certain personality traits and behaviors over others. While this tendency may seem perfectly normal, the problem is that some negative personality traits are seen as good traits as a result of social conditioning.
Social norms are built on many factors, including a country’s political system, economic system, and traditional culture. As modern society relies on consumer culture and the ever-growing power of online communication, these are the social phenomena that shape our perceptions of ourselves, life, and other people.
This often leads to the fact that decent qualities are seen as character flaws and negative traits as useful skills.
5 Negative personality traits that are seen as good qualities and skills in our society
- Hypocrisy called good manners
Good manners always require that people avoid raw honesty and be careful what they say. However, our society seems to be becoming more and more fake. Maybe it’s because we’re seeing more fakes all around us thanks to social media. Or because hypocrisy is often seen as kindness.
Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against being a nice and friendly person. After all, some people find small talk very rewarding and really care about others.
But in our society, it is considered more normal to have a nice chat with the person you hate, dislike, or disrespect than to avoid interaction altogether. You’re supposed to pretend to love other people or be interested in their lives even if it’s not true.
Moreover, hypocrisy can be a useful skill for achieving all kinds of good things in life, from a job promotion to supporting others.
Every office has that person who always finds something nice to say to their boss. And guess what? This person usually takes all the glory even though there are other, more capable employees.
The unpopular truth is that being nice is cool as long as it’s sincere. Unfortunately, in our society, making a good impression is more important than being a really nice person.
- Machiavellianism, aka dynamism
We constantly talk about the consumer society, but have you ever thought about what consumer mentality means? In a broad sense, it means looking at things from the point of view of their usefulness.
It is not wrong to try to choose the right refrigerator for your kitchen. The problem, however, is that this mindset has spilled over into other areas of our lives, including the relationships with those around us. This leaves many people looking at their fellow human beings as tools to achieve their goals.
Anyone who is able to benefit from others is more likely to climb the career ladder and achieve great things in life. And to do this, they can easily betray their values and beliefs.
Or maybe they didn’t have it in the first place? Yes, some people don’t have a consistent code of ethics – they follow opportunities, not principles. They step on others without a second thought to reach their goals. They deceive, manipulate and lie as easily as they breathe.
And these Machiavellian characters usually advance in life. Our society views these negative traits as dynamic, and we are supposed to admire those who have them. This is why CEOs and politicians are the people who command the most respect in today’s society.
- Reckless conformity aka decency
Throughout history, we have seen many examples of blind compliance with disastrous results. Why do people obey the most ridiculous laws and false ideologies? From Nazi Germany to recent events, people have blindly followed their governments. It’s the power of compatibility at work.
The truth is, most people don’t sink their heads into much thought. After all, going with the flow and doing what everyone else is doing is easier, right? Why analyze and wonder about the situation when the authorities have done all the thinking for you?
Our education system is a very effective tool for teaching people how not to think for themselves. From a very early age, children start learning information by heart and become very skilled in passing school exams. But what they don’t learn is how to question what they learned.
Freedom of thought and critical thinking are not encouraged in and outside the school. Why? For a person who thinks for himself will not follow his government indifferently. They wouldn’t be a good consumer either. Aldous Huxley wrote about it in Brave New World 90 years ago.
Those who have blind faith in the authorities are seen as model citizens and decent human beings. On the contrary, those who do not follow public opinion and dare to follow their own judgment have a reputation as eccentrics and conspiracy theorists.
But the sad truth is that the system is not always fair and just, so without some measure of skepticism and critical thinking, you risk being scammed.
- Urgency aka leadership skills
Leadership is about inspiring and encouraging others. It is about having the charisma that makes others want to follow you.
But for some strange reason, in our society a leader is often someone who wants to be number one and win no matter the cost. It is often the individual who tends to be pushy, rude and disrespectful towards the needs of others.
I remember that boy in school who would raise his hand in class all the time to ask a question or say something. He would interrupt his classmates (and even the teacher sometimes) and talk when not asked. Teachers will say, “Alex is a natural leader.”
It’s so frustrating that being a leader often means fighting for the spotlight and speaking louder than everyone else. This is how you get respect and career success in today’s society. If you are not loud and dynamic enough, you will often be ignored at school and the workplace.
- Vanity aka self confidence
We live in the age of vanity, and a large part of it has to do with the role of social media in our lives. After all, in the 21st century, having active Facebook and Instagram accounts, uploading good-looking selfies, and showcasing your life online is part of being normal.
However, it would be fair to say that social media isn’t to blame — again, it’s human nature. Social networking sites didn’t create all this pretense and vanity, but rather brought these negative personality traits to the surface.
Some people create fake lives entirely online (and offline too) in order to impress others. They are driven by the need to be better, or more precisely, to be superior to those around them.
To fulfill this need, they upload modified selfies, display luxury items, and share details of their personal lives on social media. Do you really think that this useless attention-seeking behavior stems from self-confidence?
Paradoxically, in our society this negative personality trait is often viewed in a positive light. Otherwise, why are reality show participants and shallow celebrities so popular today? Teenagers and young adults all over the world want to be like them because these absurd characters make an impression of being self-assured.
And this is where we went wrong. In fact, self-confidence isn’t about impressing others – it’s about being comfortable in your own skin regardless of other people’s opinions.
Where is our society headed?
Forgive me for my pessimism, but I don’t see how humanity can move toward a more just order any time soon. As long as our society regards negative personality traits as hypocrisy and Machiavellianism as virtues, and as long as stupid celebrities are our role models, nothing will change.
