In a green-and-white-striped prison uniform, Richard Scott Smith, the slimy con man featured in the Showtime documentary “Love Scam,” tried to explain that he was “just looking for love.”
Even though he tried his best to be convincing, when he opened his mouth, it was easy to see why everything the sociopaths said was manipulative.
Smith had married 10 women – twice committing bigamy – and taken all their money. He cheated on more women without actually marrying them. The victims got to know each other through a blog and then banded together to arrest him.
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What did Smith say about that? “I’m not who they claim I am.” truly?
“I wanted seriousness,” he said in his prison interview. “I wanted long term. I wanted some permanence in the relationship. I wanted fantasy romance. I wanted forever.”
Examining the sociopath is the essence of Showtime’s love scam.
How did he achieve his romantic ambitions? By telling three or four women at a time that he loves them and wants to marry them.
Many of the people interviewed on Love Fraud described Smith as a sociopath, and I think they’re right. So why would this man agree to an interview at all?
Maybe he thought he would be able to get in or out of anything he wanted. After all, he’s been doing this successfully all his life.
Sociopaths share common traits.
As the author of Lovefraud.com (not affiliated with the Showtime documentary Love Fraud), I have conducted numerous surveys and published scientific research on the behavior of sociopaths in relationships—particularly those with antisocial personality disorders and psychopathy.
I’ve found that the most common themes are:
- Deception
- Cruelty
- manipulate
Sociopaths are parasites.
They live by exploiting others. They often want money, but not always. They may target you for a place to live, services like cooking, housekeeping, or childcare; A respectable image in society; Or simply to entertain themselves.
Like Richard Scott Smith, they often succeed in getting what they want. How do they do it? Through manipulation.
Most, though not all, sociopaths have the gift of gab. The words that come out of their mouths sound smooth, convincing, and authoritative, even though they leave you scratching your head.
That’s because everything sociopaths say is manipulation.
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Here are 5 key concepts for detecting social manipulation.
- Check for lies.
All kinds, even the meaningless ones.
Sociopaths lie as they breathe. They tell big lies, little lies, and stupid lies. They lie when it would be better for them to tell the truth. The point of the lie is to get what they want or to keep you off balance so you can give them what they want.
Unfortunately, it works. Research shows that humans can only detect lies 53% of the time. Usually, you don’t realize that sociopaths are lying until it’s too late.
- Be aware of ulterior motives.
Sociopaths are always scheming and scheming. They view every interaction as a potential opportunity to get something they want.
Even if they seem helpful and caring, there is an ulterior motive. They may harass you to take advantage of you later. Or they do something for you so you feel like you owe them.
Sociopaths never do something because it is the right thing to do, there is always an agenda.
- Watch out for entitlement.
Sociopaths have an amazing sense of entitlement. They believe they are entitled to what they want, when they want it, and how they want it.
They have no qualms about crushing any person, thing, or situation that gets in their way. Their preferred strategy is to manipulate you into giving them what they want, but if necessary, they will use other methods, such as theft or violence.
- Be wary of painful stories to exploit your empathy.
One of the most powerful manipulation strategies sociopaths use is to make you feel sorry for them. They may tell you about their abusive childhood, their tyrannical boss, or their crazy ex, all to impress you.
Then, when you’re sympathetic enough, they explain how you’re the only one who can help them. You give them what they want, which was the goal all along.
- They change their behavior to match the person they are trying to influence.
Sociopaths are like chameleons, they make themselves into what they need to be to get what they want. Many Lovefraud readers have told me that they have watched a sociopath change before their eyes, depending on who they were trying to influence.
When you are the target, they discover what you are looking for, and then transform themselves into that person. They engage in serious impression management.
Sociopaths are very confident in their ability to convince people to believe what they want them to believe, and to do what they want them to do. But at the end of the documentary Love Fraud, Richard Scott Smith exaggerates his estimate.
During his prison interview, Smith used standard social manipulation tactics. When asked why he moved on in his relationships so quickly, he blamed it on his anxiety.
He said he was worried that the woman would change her mind and meet someone else, someone better. He said he didn’t want to lose anyone else, and that he had a great fear that people would leave him.
Violin cue. Then engage in denial. Smith declared that he had committed no crime and had been wrongly accused of everything.
He tried righteous indignation. When asked what he would say to the women who wrote the blog about him, he said they made his life difficult, but he maintained his integrity and forgave them.
The problem, of course, is that his cover has already been blown. Everyone who watched the show knew what Richard Scott Smith did, and how his victims were affected. It was easy to see his manipulation.
But when you don’t know someone’s backstory and true personality, which is a situation that happens every time a sociopath starts working on a new target, well, sociopathic manipulation is very effective.
That’s why it’s important to know the tactics, so you can spot them and escape before too much damage is done.
