Science tells us that it is human nature to wonder why something happened after it happens; Hindsight is 20/20. Too often we hear our clients ask us in desperation: “How did I not see this?” The short answer is ego. The ego has an extensive arsenal of defense mechanisms, ready to step in and override well-intentioned intuition. Most of the time, we don’t want to see red flags or listen to naysayers.

We just want to go forward until the square peg fits into the round hole. It is our ego that drives this behavior and gets us into chaotic interactions with our spouse, significant others, siblings, friends, and co-workers. Through our research, we discovered 5 common themes that point to the causes and signs of a toxic relationship, and it’s not worth trying to fit that square peg into the round hole.

Here are 5 early warning signs of a toxic relationship:

You’re not quite right

For example, some people – who grew up in an environment where conflict is embraced – like to continue drama and conflict in their relationships. If they are with someone who avoids conflict, they will not worry as much, because they are skilled at creating conflict out of nothing. Their reward is a boost of serotonin. One of the things we share with all our clients we consult with is to let them know themselves well first. Then get to know the other.

You have unresolved mental health issues and/or challenges

If relationships are like a home, people take out their previous “boxes” of life experiences—their stories (of abandonment, abuse, attachment, etc.)—and dump them into the new home. At first, the trunks may be unopened in the attic or basement, but eventually, that trunk will be opened and its contents will be revealed in the family room. Or even on the dining room table on holiday.

There is a breakdown in communications

You’ve allowed life to get in your way. You have allowed your relationship to become under-caring, under-nourished, and under-caring. Fear and not knowing what to do hold you hostage to moving forward productively.

One of you plays for dominance while the other is weak and blindly trusting

This results in a lack of emotional and mental objectivity to scrutinize an attractive, charismatic person. The arrogant person criticizes and blames others, without bearing any responsibility. The blamed party either retreats into feelings of shame and guilt or becomes an overachieving cheerleader and steps up their game to please their partner. Or both. Like shifting debris on the edge of a breezy mountain, the identity of the criticized person is slowly eroded.

When one person in the relationship is not willing to participate fully. Fears of trust and abandonment often lead to this fear. People who have been burned in the past cannot embrace vulnerability and exposure with an open heart. Their idea is: “If I’m not fully invested in this relationship when it’s over, I won’t feel bad.”

The basic premise is that the relationship is short-lived. Once again, the ego will be protected (“I was right! I knew they would break up with me”) but the heart loses. The ego wants to be right; The heart wants to feel good. Both methods cannot be used. In other words, feeding the ego is based on fear; Feeding the heart is built on courage. Courage is heart-centered, dating back to its root meaning (“we”) in Latin and French.

Here are 5 signs that you need to pay attention to your toxic relationship, and protect yourself:

Loneliness, change and illness

Examination of internal and external thoughts, feelings, and behavior. People get into toxic relationships for many reasons: fear of loneliness is one of them. The longevity of a relationship influences and determines the decision-making process; Some are not willing to give up their investment of time and energy. They hear horror stories about their current dating life and are afraid of being alone.

Being with someone, even though it’s unhealthy, is better than having no one. To protect yourself, do an internal examination: Is your fear of being alone greater than being in a [toxic] relationship? Secondly, are you a reformer? Many people have false beliefs that the other person will grow, mature, change, develop, and see the light. It rarely happens. Ask yourself: “Why do I want to change this person?” Or “Why does this person want to change me?” To protect yourself from being pinned down or pinned down, step outside of the emotions and into your head to sort out a rationale for both reality and expectations. He writes. He. She. under.

Finally, you begin to notice that your once-healthy self suddenly develops the flu, cold, digestive issues, bronchitis, or muscle strain. Body Notification is a wonderful gift for you to pay attention to what is happening with the other two parts of your triune life of mind, body, and spirit. If you’re feeling sick or in physical pain, your mind and soul need an immediate trip to the metaphorical emergency room.

Isolation

You have a pit in your stomach, and you can’t get rid of it. Little by little, your partner distances you from your tribe: your family members, your friends, and even your co-workers. You can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened, but suddenly you don’t see your friends anymore. Your partner tricked you into alienating him, maybe even criticizing your best friend – “Have you ever noticed how annoying her laugh is? Your sister isn’t very nice to me.”

Another sign to look for is whether your partner wants to remove you from civilization as you know it; Far away somewhere – “Let’s move to that little farm in the country. I’ll set up a little office for you; you can work from home and avoid the difficult commute.” Is there an ulterior motive? check it out.

Distractions prevail in your important relationships

Devices take up 90 percent of your focus. You lose interest in talking to each other. You don’t want to go out unless others are there too because you need emotional connection and security to give you a sense of belonging and connection. Your conversations are superficial and full of sarcastic drops. Intimate relationships, including lovemaking, have declined or disappeared. “Theft” occurs. For example, imagine a burlap sack filled with all the problems, challenges, conflicts, and grievances you have with this other person. Every time there is a new obstacle, one or both of you open the bag and get rid of all the previous conflicts.

Gunnysacking ensures there is no solution – and no moving forward productively. Use this communication tool to start a heart-healthy conversation daily—even for you—if your partner isn’t ready—to support and educate yourself in all of your relationships.

You find control freaks and narcissistic behavior attracted to you

You are instantly drawn to this attractive person who showers you with attention, gifts, and fun experiences. They ask you to share everything about yourself. You are happy to post your life story and pour your heart out. Your partner listens attentively and slowly begins to persuade you. When he tells you about himself, some (if not all) of what he says is full of half-truths and lies. Dominant people usually prey on people who are naive, vulnerable, and very trusting. If you have this tendency to be overtly confident, know it, own it, and most importantly, master the art of discernment. Pay attention to the concerns of family and friends when they say, “I don’t know…something’s not right about them.”

Lack of “all”

The lowercase “r,” gift-giving, imagination, pets, tiptoeing friends, glamor—all six of these signs indicate a lack of “all-in” and commitment. You have a growing dissatisfaction, with a small “r” – not so big that you see red in the flag but just enough to recognize it as a flag. The second sign you should be aware of to protect yourself is that giving gifts makes you groan. You wait until the last minute to get them a gift, and you’re almost certainly buying a Hallmark card with sticky feelings because you can’t come up with anything yourself. Or you are the recipient of such a gift or card.

Here are 5 early warning signs of a toxic relationship:

Here are 5 signs that you need to pay attention to your toxic relationship, and protect yourself:

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