At first, we tend to see our partner through rose-colored glasses.
He or she is everything we dreamed of – smart, talented, beautiful, our perfect partner.
All of these things may be true about our partner. But to avoid too much emotional suffering – for ourselves and the other person – we must evaluate its positive and negative aspects.
Unfortunately, many people prefer illusions to reality. For them, mentioning any red flags that indicate serious problems in the relationship are annoying points that should not be discussed. Such a position is by no means wrong. This can lead to serious and painful consequences that involve falling into an abusive and unsatisfying relationship.
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That’s why we’ve listed below five red flags that may indicate at an early stage that you’re in a dead-end relationship.
- You cannot communicate with your partner about problems.
The first and most important reason for a breakup is the inability of partners to deal with problems together. Here’s how Erika Etienne, the dating coach who founded the dating site A Little Nudge, explains the problem:
“I would say the major red flag in a person’s behavior that may indicate that a relationship isn’t going to work is an unwillingness to talk about issues, big or small. All couples have disagreements. That’s completely normal and healthy. But the way you deal with those disagreements can make or break things. Is your partner turning away? Throwing a tantrum? These are all red flags.
Problems rarely destroy our relationship ship. What can be done is whether or not we talk about it and how we solve it.
According to Erika Itten, “In a good relationship, a couple can talk about issues, listen to the other person’s point of view and express their point of view. No one needs to win or lose. It’s about expressing how you feel about something and being heard. Communication is key.”
- Your partner displays narcissistic personality traits.
Catania McHenry, the journalist who wrote the book Married to a Narcissist, explains the nature of a narcissist:
“Narcissists are devoid of empathy. They don’t believe they are at fault for anything, and will constantly feel like a victim, accusing you of attacking them when you are only expressing your feelings in a situation.
Here’s what it says about a relationship with such a person:
“One of the major red flags in relationships is when everyday life, events, conversations, and basic interactions are repetitive around that person – there is constant manipulation and abuse of power over you.”
So, if your partner becomes manipulative, remember that you must take necessary measures. Here is an example of abusive narcissistic behavior:
“For example, you might confront the person you’re dating about something they did or said that hurt you. Instead of listening to your concerns and apologizing, they’ll spin the conversation around, telling you all the things you’ve done to hurt and upset them. This scenario shows signs of narcissism, and things get worse the more time “They don’t care about you and your worries; they only care about themselves.”
Who needs a partner like this?
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- They don’t respect your boundaries
This is difficult. Often, emotional abusers try to justify their actions with the differences between your personality and theirs. But that’s just an excuse. If someone starts to disrespect your boundaries and abuse you, it’s best to leave them:
Here are some examples provided by psychologist Lisa Aronson Fontes in her book Invisible Chains: Overcoming Coercive Control in Your Intimate Relationship.
“You’re not ready to have them meet your family or friends, but they push you.”
“He or she pushes you to date exclusively before you’re ready.”
“They want to move in, get married, or set up a bank account before you do.”
“He or she is trying to change the way you wear your hair, your clothes, or anything else about you that looks like you and makes you uncomfortable.”
- They criticize their ex-partners a lot.
Elinor Greenberg is a psychologist who wrote the book Borderline, Narcissistic, and Schizotypal Adaptations: The Pursuit of Love, Admiration, and Safety. Below is a short excerpt from the book. He explains this issue perfectly:
“Whatever people have done in past relationships, they are likely to do it again. This means that if you listen carefully to how your new boyfriend describes his or her primary past relationships and how he or she talks about his or her ex, you can learn a lot about how he or she is likely to treat you.” the person.
“When people describe all of their exes as terrible people and put all the blame on them for the relationship’s failure, that’s a red flag for me. It practically screams, ‘I can’t take any responsibility for anything that went wrong.’ I haven’t learned anything from these relationships It is completely up to you to make our relationship work.
That doesn’t speak well of your partner, does it? Here’s what else Eleanor Greenberg says:
It also likely means that they are unable to see people in an integrated and realistic way. When they started dating these other people, they probably saw them as very desirable and all good. Now that these relationships are over, these people are all bad. Either they have a knack for choosing the worst people they have relationships with, or they view all these people in a very distorted way.
Unfortunately, the prospect of a relationship with such a person is not promising. This is why, according to Elinor Greenberg:
“If they can’t realistically see anyone in front of you or make any of those relationships work, they’re unlikely to be able to do it with you.”
- “If you find yourself justifying what he does or says, even though it feels wrong inside, that’s a red flag.”
That’s the opinion of Perpetua Neo, a psychologist and toxic relationship expert who created the Detox Your Heart program.
“There is a psychological phenomenon known as confirmation bias, where we tend to ignore all evidence that does not align with our views and retain only those that do. With a potentially toxic person in the presence of a potentially toxic person, they have worked to create a false positive impression to work their way into Your heart, she explained.
If our partner is toxic, our brains may be working overtime to convince us that’s not the case, even when we know it is. Read on to see how this works:
“So, even if they did something bad or said something inappropriate, you might think, ‘He’s only that way because he came across “His family members? But within that, if he says things like, ‘So they’ll treat us better next time,’ or he’s mean to some people, and if you find yourself making excuses for his business mentality or his loss, it’s time to stop and step back.”
Finally, it’s never easy to put an end to a relationship we hoped would turn into a serious one. But isn’t it better to be alone than in bad company?
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