Anyone who has loved a narcissist has wondered, “Does he love me?” or “Do you appreciate me?”

They are torn between their love and their pain, between staying and leaving, but they can’t seem to do one thing or the other. The reason for these doubts is that sometimes people with narcissistic personality disorder can show love and affection, while other times they try to push their partner away.

It’s confusing! Once you see an interested person you like. A person whose company is a pleasure. While next time your significant other’s behavior makes you feel worthless or pathetic.

The problem of whether a narcissist can love or not is a difficult one, as stated above. Here are the opinions of some experts on this topic.

Elinor Greenberg, Ph.D., a psychotherapist, seems to explain the process of falling and staying in love very precisely:

“If you (ex-narcissists) think your ex-narcissistic romantic partner loved you and wanted to marry you, you’re not crazy. Even though he’s gone now, your man meant what he said when he told you that. He loved you, or at least he did His own romantic fantasy of you as the perfect couple.

So, it turns out that narcissists may show passion in the early stages of dating. However, this kind of affection, according to the Jungian analyst Robert Johnson, is “always directed at our expectations, expectations, and illusions… It is a love not for another person but for ourselves.”

Although a narcissist can fall in love (feel intense attraction), he or she has difficulty staying in love because he or she lacks the set of feelings and perceptions necessary to feel, experience, and give love.

For most narcissists, their relationships are actually transactional.

Related: Confessions Of A Recovering Narcissist — Or How I Learned To Be Unselfish

These people aim to enjoy uncommitted pleasure or achieve a goal. Furthermore, narcissists use manipulation to gain the love and admiration of others. They pride themselves on being respected, loved, and grateful.

If you still can’t believe that your narcissistic partner is incapable of strong feelings for you, here are some sad facts about narcissists that prove that these people are incapable of love.

Here are 5 harsh truths about whether or not a narcissist can love you:

1. They cannot afford a partner who is better than them
   Individuals with high levels of narcissism are obsessed with perfection, and this is evident through their interactions with others. Such people envy anyone they think is better than them; They become angry when someone else outperforms them, especially if this is their partner.
2. Narcissists have no patience for other people’s faults
   They expect themselves to be perfect, and so others should be too. It is therefore almost impossible for the partner to live up to the narcissist’s expectations and this makes the relationship seem heavy and unhealthy.

Related: My Narcissistic Friendships Were Ruining My Life — How I Drastically Changed Them

3. They use others to achieve their own goals
   There is a term narcissistic display that was first used by psychologist Otto Fenichel at the beginning of the 20th century. It symbolizes admiration, personal support, or sustenance that comes from a person’s environment and is essential to his or her self-esteem.

Here’s how Laura 29, who was married to a narcissist for five years, explains narcissistic supply:

“Like a parachute to a skydiver, we only give them what they need at that time, and like a parachute, when they no longer need us, we completely forget.”

4. They don’t give love, they give manipulation
   Narcissists use indirect methods to control others. They do this because they are afraid of running out of narcissistic supply. They try to manipulate, humiliate and belittle their partner so that he is completely under their power and serves their purposes.

Below is the story of Bob who was also married to a narcissistic woman for a long time:

The person I spent 21 years of marriage with doesn’t know the meaning of the word “love.” To her, it’s just a word she uses to manipulate people into doing what she wants them to do. I feel sorry for her but she has destroyed so many people and love is just a tool for her. My advice is to assume that the narcissist is incapable of feeling love.

Hopefully, the partner will see the narcissist’s true colors and end the relationship before the toxic behavior completely destroys their mental health and self-esteem.

Related: The Biggest Tell Of A Narcissist, According To Research

5. Nothing is good enough for a narcissist
   They always want more, and this is their life motto. When these people get what they want, they may decide that it is not in their best interest anymore and turn their attention to a new goal.

The reason they act this way is because a narcissist’s desires are always in flux. Hence, these people do not care about anything for a long time, and their decisions are never final. This coupled with his highly materialistic nature makes every narcissist an individual who can never find satisfaction.