Every now and then, I like to give you a life hack.

These life hacks are designed to be in your emotional toolbox, ready for when you need to pull them out and deal with the challenges that narcissists create for you.

If there is one life hack we should put aside – it is these four words you should never say to a narcissist.

Why?

Because throwing these words at a narcissist will give them the power you deserve. It will arm them with your vulnerabilities that they will undoubtedly throw back at you.

BeforeWeGetIntoIt… Any Forbidden Words Are Warning Signs

Narcissists are the only ones who have warning signs, and they reveal them by acting or speaking in ways that warn those around them of what will happen if they continue to pursue them.

Related : The Reasons Narcissists “Get Weird” About Birthdays

If you find yourself unable to say certain things to the narcissist in your life – think about what that might mean for you in the long run and how much you will have to hold yourself back just to please them.

A narcissist is never satisfied.

Now for those four words…

You need to stop saying…

You make me feel.

You make me feel sad.

You make me feel stupid.

You make me feel invisible.

You make me feel like I don’t care.

Whoa! Wait right there!

First of all, no matter what you think…no one has the power to make you feel anything.

Your feelings in response to someone’s behavior or actions come from your own levels of self-esteem, values, or expectations.

Stop Wasting Everything

When you give a narcissist a comment, phrase, or sentence that begins with “You make me feel,” you are not only pouring out your heart, you are also expecting them to listen.

They may hear the voices coming from you, but the words fall on deaf ears, and the meaning behind those words is even more so.

A narcissist enjoys treating you like someone responding to their manipulation, and will happily trap you if they realize they are getting a reaction from you that you feel inclined to share.

Giving away all your thoughts as if they will make a difference is a huge mistake.

We all know they won’t, and you know they won’t.

The problem with narcissists is that you are so used to the push-pull cycle that you may often think, “Maybe they will really listen to me this time and consider my feelings.”

That will never happen, and you will somehow end up worse than you originally felt.

Don’t give up your power easily, especially to a narcissist who loves every minute of it.

VictimWords = VictimMentality

While you may feel frustrated, angry, hurt, or disappointed with the narcissist, your thoughts when expressed will only serve to reinforce the feel-good factor within them because they know that all their tactics are working.

You feel like a victim when you give him the idea that he controls how you feel, and that is a very dangerous thing to give him.

Any healthy relationship would elicit the response, “Oh my God, I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. Let’s discuss how I can improve and give you what you need.”

A narcissist isn’t interested in looking for ways to be better, because they already believe they are coming from a better place.

They are the real victim… apparently.

So what happens when you mutter those four words to a narcissist, say, in the middle of an argument?

“You make me feel…”

Things don’t happen to you, they happen because of a bunch of external factors (yes, I always circle around the narcissist…).

Words matter, and how you feel will somehow correlate to the narcissist’s feelings.

Related : What To Do When a Narcissist Turns People Against You?

You think I’m making you feel sad or hurt, but I’m actually the one who’s hurting.

Boom. Back to the narcissist. Your feelings don’t matter, and it quickly becomes a tug-of-war over who hurts more.

As we know, a narcissist can’t hurt the way you can; their dominance of the entire situation will erase your feelings, or at most, push them to the bottom of the priority list so they never see the light of day again.

WhatCanYouSayInstead?

There’s got to be something better than what you’re currently throwing their way, right?

Finding an alternative phrase or statement to make can mean that you still get your point across without putting yourself in a position where you feel guilty when the narcissist inevitably tells you that the way you feel is because of the way you make them feel.

Turning it around on you is the way they pull the narrative that they are the ones doing their best, doing what they believe is for the good, and trying to be in a place with you where you can understand them.

Your feelings belong to you – no one else.

You cannot pass them on to anyone else or let others know that they made you feel that way.

“I feel” takes away the power they played in creating your feelings.

They were always going to fool you – now it’s on your terms

Listen – because this part is crucial.

No matter what you say – the narcissist will make you feel bad for it. They will fool you and tell you things that call into question your perception of reality, but if you deny the narcissist “you make me feel”, you deny them the knowledge that they control your feelings.

You can still feel and express these things to the narcissist – but avoiding “you make me feel” leaves you in the driver’s seat and goes a long way in taking away their license and permission to destroy.

GetAhold

The next time you find yourself in a situation that makes you want to say the four words you should never say to a narcissist: “You make me feel,” remember this:

Take a deep breath and maintain control.

It’s within your power to do it all.