You feel devastated, empty, and ashamed. You’re alone again and have been devastated by another bad relationship with a toxic person.
Why don’t you see the signs of a toxic relationship until after it’s over? Why were you so blind to your partner’s controlling behavior and repeated mental abuse?
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It’s already hard to rebuild yourself after a failed relationship, but rebuilding from a destroyed relationship feels even worse.
But it is possible to protect yourself from insecure partners, toxic people, and unhealthy relationships.
Here are 4 signs of a toxic relationship and controlling behavior from an abusive partner.
- He checks too much
If you are in a relationship and receiving multiple or consecutive text messages and phone calls from your partner, it is time to sound the alarm! Messages can end with emojis, hearts, or cute pet names, but the content focuses on where you are, who you’re with, and what you’re doing.
You ask yourself: “Why do they check so much?” If there is no real concern — such as illness or emotional discomfort — there is reason to be suspicious. The partner may be insecure and may show signs of controlling or stalking behaviors.
Controlling behaviors may look like not wanting to wear certain clothes or spend time with certain people or anyone other than themselves.
Stalking behaviors can include constantly checking your social media, tracking your whereabouts, and showing up unexpectedly where you are.
- You are losing your friends
Are you asking yourself, “What kind of friends am I losing?” and “Why am I losing my friends?”
You should be concerned if you are losing friends very quickly or losing close and long-term relationships. Oftentimes, abusive or unhealthy partners want to isolate their victims.
When family or friends are out of reach, who is available to comfort you when you’re stuck in a toxic, controlling relationship? You are trapped with your toxic partner only for emotional support.
Related: 5 Toxic Marriage Myths That’ll Destroy Your Relationship
- You are pressured to share things you are not ready to
Deep and personal questions asked in the early stages of a relationship can be a red flag, especially if there is pressure.
For example, your partner or companion wants to know your deepest, darkest secrets after a short period (such as a third date or less than a month of talking to each other).
Constant questioning is disguised as curiosity. You may not feel ready to participate but end up doubting yourself because of their insistence.
The above situation can be a sure sign of future behaviors when it comes to being asked to do things that you are not ready for or do not want to do. Pressure to share things can turn into pressure to do things you don’t feel comfortable doing.
- You feel anxious or stressed when your partner gets upset
What do your painful feelings say about your relationship or your partner?
Your feelings may be a sign of your partner’s emotional instability and tantrums. Tantrums begin with screaming and then escalate to throwing, destroying things, or even punching.
Or you feel anxious or stressed because your partner might hurt themselves. If they are threatening to harm themselves, there may be a great deal of burden or guilt that you feel for helping them. A highly stressful relationship is not a healthy relationship.
If any of these relationship red flags appear, especially if multiple signs occur at once, take the life-saving step of extricating yourself from the relationship. It’s important to see these warnings early rather than ignoring and excusing your partner’s behavior.
It is much easier to leave when there is less time, investment, and emotions involved.
Finally, if you notice a pattern of toxic partners, you may want to ask yourself: “What is it about these people that attracts me?”
Seek help through counseling services to end the cycle of toxic relationships so you can find the healthy love you truly deserve.
