There are many reasons why people are cruel, unkind, and unjust. But when someone abuses you for no reason, it can be hurtful.
If you’re struggling to understand why someone might turn on you, let’s take a look at how to handle this situation — and why, more often than not, it has nothing to do with you.
When someone treats you badly for no reason, it could be…
They didn’t think
Often times, everyday acts of cruelty are not intentional. We are all the center of the universe we live in, and peripheral considerations such as the feelings of others can be forgotten.
Sometimes a friend can make a passing comment that you find extremely hurtful – but they may be happy not to realize that they upset you.
They want to feel accepted
This is a difficult concept, but sometimes being mean is intentional, and it’s a conscious choice because it gains a greater sense of social inclusion.
Think of kids laughing at a homeless person, or a group of people teasing someone who looks a little different. Some people are cruel because they think it’s funny, or will entertain their friends, or include them in a social group.
They cover up insecurities
We all know that bullies often act out as a way to express frustration or hide their fears or insecurities. This scenario is repeated in multiple situations.
Let’s say someone feels intimidated by you, whether because you’re more competent than your coworker, or because they consider you more successful, or because you wear a nicer dress to a party. One quick way to try to hide their anxiety is to make fun of you or ignore them in an attempt to protect themselves from the vulnerability they feel.
They lack social skills
In the same way that people can be thoughtless, not having the right social skills can mean coming across as uncool, when in fact the exact opposite is intended.
People who have difficulty communicating clearly may seem to ignore you or act harshly. But in reality, they may have difficulty saying what they mean, or they may not be able to find the right tone to put their words into context.
Here are some of the best ways to deal with someone who insults you for no reason
We now know that there are a lot of reasons why people might be mean to you for no reason at all. Maybe they’re doing it intentionally, maybe they have no idea, or maybe it’s just crossed wires and jumbled connections.
Your reaction and coping strategies for sudden cruelty depend largely on the situation and the dynamic of the relationship between you and this person.
- Fight negativity with positivity
It’s easy to say we should rise above that, but the truth is that it takes exceptional emotional maturity to ignore unkind comments without them having any effect.
However, when someone mistreats you for no reason and you cannot understand the motivations for their behavior, they may need a dose of positive mental attitude in their day.
It’s harder for someone to constantly step down than for someone who refuses to sink to their level. If you can focus on your positive feelings and positive thoughts, showing the bully that his words have no effect on you (at least from the outside!) is a great way to stop him quickly.
- Confront them
Another task that can feel challenging; But if someone is routinely unfair, they may not really know it, or need to be educated about why and how their actions cause upset.
If you need to connect with someone who seems to hate you, or is often annoying, it may be helpful to have a quiet conversation to ask them if you’ve done something to upset them.
They probably either had no idea or didn’t realize that you were affected by their actions. If so, you can at least either understand the reason for the tensions between you or decide that this person is not worth dealing with any further.
- Don’t be reactionary
It is very easy to fight adversity with anger, and frustration with irritation. But by rising to the level of hostility you experience, you create a constant cycle of feeling bad, which is unlikely to dissipate.
When someone insults you for no reason, they are probably trying to cope with problems and challenges. If you can, try to focus on yourself, rather than on what this person said or did.
If you can rise up, walk away, or practice techniques to bring a sense of calm and friendship to a fragile relationship, you may be able to turn that tide into something more powerful.
- Use coping mechanisms
You can use many techniques to defuse a tense situation, either to add fun to the atmosphere or to enable you to deal with harsh treatment without letting it haunt you throughout the day.
These include:
Laugh about it – A harsh word can hurt, but if you can turn it into a joke or find something funny in the situation, the stress will almost always be relieved (and you’ll come out of it a better person!).
Use deep breathing, or walk to remove yourself from the situation to avoid reactions.
Focus on your actions, thoughts, and words to focus on the positives and stay away from confrontation.
Listening – An unfair person may be looking for attention, so if he has something to get off his chest, letting him do so may resolve the situation every now and then.
Assess your boundaries, and empower yourself to walk away from people and situations that bring you down.
Remember that you are only responsible for your actions. When someone insults you for no reason at all, this behavior says a lot more about them than it does about you.
