Sadly, loving a narcissist is fairly common for men (and women), and knowing how to recognize it is essential for your sanity and self-esteem. Before we get to the signs of narcissism to watch out for, you need to understand that no one is a fool when they’re dating someone.
In fact, these individuals often have a lot of advantages: attractiveness, outgoing personality, and well-cultivated social skills. The narcissist is usually composed, charming, intelligent, and focused on appearing in every social arena as superior. If you are dating a narcissist, he will go out of his way early in the relationship to let you know that he is an amazing person and that he is highly desired by others.
The narcissist makes sure to set this dynamic early in dating so you know where you stand in the relationship: You belong below him, and that’s not going to change. The narcissist can start to relax once he feels that you understand how lucky you are to be with him. (Reference to goosebumps – the toxic, scary kind).
Some traits or disorders are more common in men and women, but narcissism affects men and women equally. A small percentage of men and women – less than 5% – meet criteria for full-blown narcissistic personality disorder, but a much larger number of people have narcissistic traits.
If you find yourself in a relationship with a narcissist, you will definitely feel frustrated, angry, and hurt (and often so). Check out the telltale signs of narcissism below.
Here are 4 signs that the man you love is a total narcissist:
- He likes to talk about himself
Narcissists love to talk about themselves and their accomplishments. They’re bragging without realizing it, and their conversations should focus much more on them than on you.
The narcissist will talk at length about his day, but he doesn’t seem very interested when you talk about yours; The narcissist likes to go out when he’s making plans, but seems bored or sulky when you’re making plans; The narcissist looks for comfort from you when he’s upset, but the way he comforts you when you’re upset seems too quick and shallow to truly comfort you.
In essence, the narcissist is simply not good at feeling empathy for you or anyone else.
Related: If He Has These 4 Personality Traits, He’s Probably A Humble Narcissist
- He loves attention and will do whatever is necessary to get it
Narcissists are often very flirtatious, and relationships with narcissists usually involve frequent arguments about fidelity, jealousy, and flirting. Narcissists need what is called “narcissistic supply,” a psychological term that refers to the attention that feeds them.
Sexual attention is one of the most important types of attention, and narcissists try to get as much sexual attention as possible. If you are dating a narcissist, he or she may flirt with someone else right in front of you or may show a large amount of physical affection to a random person (for example, putting his arm around the shoulder, or “holding the hand”).
Narcissists are known for keeping the metaphorical door open with their ex and others who show interest, as they need constant attention and reassurance that they are wanted and wanted. Unfortunately, narcissists are also motivated to flirt or attract sexual attention from others as a way to enhance their power over the other person in the relationship.
It’s like, “See how much everyone wants me? Don’t forget it.” Key message: “Don’t forget that I have more power than you in the relationship.”
Related: 4 Signs Your Boyfriend Is A Narcissist Who You Should Dump ASAP
- He cannot handle even the smallest criticism
Narcissists cannot tolerate the slightest whiff of criticism. Although they put on an act to the world that suggests they absolutely love themselves, the truth is that they feel deep insecurities beneath the polished, self-loving exterior.
In a relationship, both partners are bound to have occasional problems with the other person; In a relationship with a narcissist, you are simply not allowed to have any problems with them at all. Narcissists cling so tightly to the belief that they are perfect, that hearing anything to the contrary must be completely blocked and denied.
If you criticize a narcissist too much, he or she will simply leave the relationship and dispose of you as an object.
- He will not take responsibility when he makes a mistake
If there is a 24-hour hotline for victims of narcissists, most calls involve a lack of accountability. Narcissists simply will not take responsibility for what they have done wrong or hurtful. In an argument, for example, the narcissist will say or do something, but deny it completely after a moment.
Furthermore, narcissists often turn negative behavior onto the other person and suggest that it was the other person who said or did the terrible thing. For most people, this dance is confusing, maddening, and creates insidious doubt. Trying to get a narcissist to say they’re wrong or apologize in a sincere way is a losing game – it simply won’t happen.
If you receive an apology, it will likely be issued as a way to keep the peace and keep you away from them, not because they really mean it. With narcissists, the same bad behavior will keep reoccurring because the narcissist’s personality is very resistant to change.
