Good women who have dated narcissistic men often wonder, “Why did I play the fool?” Don’t judge yourself any further.
It’s not their mistake that led to the horrific relationship with a narcissist. It’s what they did right that made them targets.
Like many single men and women, the narcissist is looking for someone to complete them. Opposites attract. And those traits and qualities you’ve worked hard to cultivate — being strong, independent, financially secure, professionally successful, and fit — often attract a bad person to a good person.
Related: 29 Chilling Signs You’re Being Terrorized By A Narcissist
This doesn’t mean you should stop being a catch. It just means that you need to arm yourself with knowledge of the warning signs, so you know who to avoid and who to attract.
Many narcissists tend to be bad boys who are attracted to good girls because the opposites add excitement and passion to the relationship. People are attracted to others because of the needs and desires they seek to fulfill in their lives, such as to experience greater connection, security, love, support, and comfort.
On the other hand, some unfulfilled desires are associated with polar opposite characteristics such as adventure, freedom, risk, challenge, and intensity, which the narcissist embodies. When your emotional needs and more passion come together with your partner, you feel more alive and complete.
Related: Yes, You Can Change A Narcissist — If You Follow One Key Rule
Here are 4 personality traits that good women possess that attract narcissists:
- You have a high capacity for love
People with antisocial disorders (psychopaths, sociopaths, and narcissists) lack empathy. They don’t care about anyone but themselves. Without compassion or concern for others, love cannot exist.
You are a target because you truly care and feel pain when others have a problem or are in pain. You tend to be a person who has high levels of trust, compassion, tolerance, connectedness, or loyalty in your relationships. You are a positive person who sees the best in others. Not only does your goodness make you highly desirable, but these traits also help you excel in helping industries like nursing, psychology, education, and human resources.
There is nothing wrong with the way you love. The narcissist took advantage of your strengths and goodness. Because of this violation, your traumatized mind wants to deny your ability to be vulnerable again.
But by closing your vulnerabilities to others, you close off your ability to love—which is part of who you are and what makes you happy. Love only exists to the extent that we remain open and allow ourselves to be vulnerable. The abuse must be faced and mourned. Your heart will be renewed and returned to health.
- You are a reliable and responsible person
You have been targeted because you are trustworthy, emotionally mature, and capable of taking charge. You may have grown up taking care of your siblings or supporting an ill parent and may bear the bulk of the responsibility of raising your children.
Instead of taking on more responsibilities, you may be more in need of adventure and fun. Living a balanced life is important for your well-being. Give yourself permission to be free and childish sometimes. This freedom will help you search for a more balanced and complete partner.
Related: 8 Signs That You, Yourself, Are A Narcissist
- You are a strong person
An ambitious woman who has an influential job is attractive to the narcissist. Strong women often intimidate the average man, but a narcissist is not afraid of someone like that. He takes advantage of the opportunity to have a strong woman by his side.
An extroverted woman may feel like she’s met her partner – a man strong enough to stand up to her and love her all. As an influencer, you may think that you need to be in control of every situation. Realize that you are also human, and no matter how smart or collected you are, you need a relationship that invites you to surrender and be vulnerable without being taken advantage of—a relationship in which you can be built and supported.
- Your relationship with your father is good
We tend to think that if a woman is involved with a toxic man, she must have come from a dysfunctional family, so she never learned what a healthy relationship is. Although this may be true, it is not always the case.
