You’ve probably heard the classic phrase, “You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone.” But what if that’s exactly what’s happening while you’re still in the relationship? You think you’re the love of their life, the one they’ve been waiting for, but slowly, invisibly, you realize you’ve become just another player in their narcissistic game. Are you ready to face the truth? Well, here are 30 signs that you’re not just dealing with a narcissist, you might also be their personal emotional ATM.
- You’re Their Perfect Love… Until You’re Not
At first, you were their everything. They told you you were perfect. They showered you with compliments, and made you feel like you were on top of the world. But over time, the compliments stopped. Suddenly, nothing you did was good enough. It felt like you were the ultimate prize… until they got tired. - They Take and Take and Take… And They Never Give Back
They drain your emotional energy like a black hole. You give it your all—your time, your love, your energy—but when it’s your turn to ask for something? Silence. The more you give, the less they give back, leaving you emotionally bankrupt as they move on to their next conquest. - They trick you into thinking you’re the problem
Related : 25 Signs You’re Being Ostracized by a Narcissist (And How to Break Free from the Isolation)
Have you noticed how you start to doubt your sanity? That’s because they’ve mastered the art of manipulation. They make you question reality, flip the script, and somehow convince you that all their hurtful behavior is your fault. “Why are you so sensitive?” they’ll ask, after ripping your heart out.
- Your needs are never a priority
When you need them the most, they’re so busy. When it’s their turn to need something, suddenly they expect you to drop everything. They make you feel like your needs are inconvenient, but don’t you dare ignore theirs. Your emotional availability? Always on demand.
- Your efforts are never appreciated
You go out of your way to show that you care, but it never seems to matter. They’ve mastered the art of fake appreciation. A compliment here and there, but when it’s time to return the favor, praise turns into criticism. If you’re lucky, you’ll get a “thank you”—but nothing more. - They Play the Victim Even When They’re the Bad Guy
No matter what happens, they somehow become the victim. They twist every situation, no matter how wrong they are, and portray themselves as the one who’s suffering. You end up feeling guilty for being hurt by their behavior, as if it’s all your fault. - They Never Apologize, But They Always Expect You to Apologize
In their world, they never make mistakes. They’ve convinced themselves that they’re perfect and can’t do anything wrong. You, on the other hand, are expected to apologize—even when you’re the one who’s been hurt. If you don’t, well, prepare to be ignored or, worse, completely indifferent. - They’re Experts at Playing Mind Games
It’s like dating a master chess player. Every move they make is calculated and designed to keep you on your toes, uncertain of where you stand. They constantly change the rules, making it impossible to win, and leaving you wondering if there was ever a game at all. - They can’t stand being ignored
The moment you back off, even a little, they flip. They need your attention, admiration, and love constantly. If they can’t control your emotions, they get uncomfortable and start manipulating the situation. Suddenly, you’re accused of being distant, even though you’re just trying to find your own space. - They have a story for everything… except accountability
Ask them about the past, and they’ll have a story to tell you. The problem is, it’s always someone else’s fault. They never take responsibility for their mistakes, but they’ll make sure you know that everyone else is to blame for all their misfortunes. - They hold grudges like it’s their job
Have you noticed that they never forget anything? Something you said months ago? It’s still fresh in their mind. They hold grudges like they are trophies, and will bring up your past mistakes at the worst possible moments, just to remind you that you are not perfect.
- They Love Drama
Narcissists thrive on chaos. The more drama, the better. They love to stir up conflict, create unnecessary tension, and turn small issues into full-blown crises. This keeps them in control and gives them an audience to watch their emotional “performance.” - They Make You Feel Like You’re in Competition
You’re not just their partner, you’re also their competitor. Whether it’s competing for attention or constantly outdoing your accomplishments, you’ll find yourself in an unhealthy competition. They want to be the best at everything, and that means belittling you along the way. - You Feel Like You’re Walking on Eggshells
No matter what you do, it’s never going to be right. You’re constantly afraid of saying or doing something that will upset them. Living in a constant state of anxiety is just part of the deal when you’re with a narcissist. They have a short temper, and they don’t hesitate to let you know when they’re upset. - They Act Like They Did You a Favor
After all the emotional effort you put in, they act like you should be grateful in the slightest. If they do you something nice, they’ll make sure to remind you of it at the worst possible time, as if you owe them every little act of kindness. - They Leave You Wondering If They Really Loved You
Over time, doubts creep in. Did they really love you, or were you just a pawn in their game? You find yourself wondering if the love they showed was real or just another way to keep you hooked for their benefit. - They’ll Criticize You in Public
When they’re in the mood to humiliate you, they don’t care who’s watching. They’ll criticize you in front of friends, family, and even strangers. The more embarrassing, the better. It’s a tactic designed to humiliate and subjugate you. - They Use Your Vulnerabilities Against You
Anything you shared with them in a moment of weakness is now ammunition in their arsenal. They will use your vulnerabilities, fears, and insecurities to manipulate you. And the more personal it is, the more likely they are to throw it in your face when it’s beneficial to them.
- They Need Constant Validation
You can never give them enough praise. It doesn’t matter how many times you tell them how great they are—they’ll always need more. It’s not about genuine appreciation; it’s about keeping you in a constant state of admiration, to keep them on a pedestal. - They’ll Never Let You Win an Argument
In their world, they’re always right. Even if the evidence is stacked against them, they’ll find a way to twist the argument to make you the villain. Winning isn’t the goal—it’s about maintaining control and proving that they’re the best. - Their Love Is Conditional
Love? Huh! Not in the way you think. Their love is based on how much you can provide for them emotionally, financially, or socially. If you don’t give them what they want, they’ll back off and make you feel worthless. - They’ll tell you how lucky you are to be with them
You’re lucky, okay. Lucky to be with someone as “amazing” as them. They’ll mention you often, and they’ll make sure you know that without them, you wouldn’t have a chance at life. - They’ll turn your friends against you
They don’t want anyone to get too close to you. If your friends are more supportive of you than they are, they’ll start planting seeds of doubt. It’s a classic tactic to isolate you so they can completely control you. - They like a good love-hate relationship
You’ll find yourself loving and hating them at the same time. It’s exhausting, but it’s the perfect situation for them. You’re always emotionally involved in their games, never sure if you’re coming or going. - They think they’re untouchable
For them, rules don’t apply. They do what they want, when they want, with no consequences. Their sense of entitlement is unparalleled. If you try to challenge them, you’ll quickly learn that nothing is more than their thick ego. - You’ll Lose Yourself
Slowly but surely, you’ll start to lose sight of who you are. Their needs come first, your own identity fades into the background, and you start to wonder what happened to the person you once were. Narcissists love to rewrite your story—as long as it’s about them. - You’ll Feel Constantly Exhausted
After you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, you’ll feel emotionally drained. Every interaction is a battle, and each battle leaves you feeling more drained than the last. There’s no “winning” with a narcissist, only surviving. - They Think Love Is a Transaction
Their idea of love is all transactional. What can you do for them? How can you benefit their lives? If you don’t provide value to them, they’ll dump you for someone else who will.
- They Can’t Stand Losing Control
The moment they feel like they’re losing control over you or the relationship, they’ll do anything to get it back. It’s a constant power struggle, and if you challenge their authority, they’ll make sure you know who’s in charge. - They Love the Chase, But They Hate Commitment
Once they’ve won you over, they lose interest. They thrive on the thrill of the chase, but commitment? That’s for the weak. Once they’ve got you where they want you, it’s only a matter of time before they start looking for their next conquest.
Related : 20 Subtle Signs You’re Dealing with a Covert Female Narcissist (And How to Break Free)
In a narcissistic relationship, you’ll always be playing catch-up. You’ll be giving it your all, and they’ll keep taking, leaving you empty. But here’s the thing—you don’t have to stay in this cycle. Recognizing these signs is the first step toward regaining control and finding the strength to walk away. You deserve better than to be the perfect pawn for a narcissist.
