Do you have an image of a perfect life that looks good on paper? Good home, great job, nice partner and you still feel empty inside.

Do you feel that there is an inner emptiness, empty space, and insatiable longing in your heart, no matter what you do or get in life?

If you answered yes to these questions, then you are trying to find happiness by changing your external circumstances: partner, home, job, appearance without connecting with your true self. Your essence, your true self, the infinite, pure and eternal being that you are.

Once you connect with this dimension of yours, you can’t help but be in awe of who you are and love yourself unapologetically.

I am not talking about self-love in narcissistic ways but I am referring to healthy self-love without which no matter what you get or do in life, you will feel inferior.

There is a difference between feeling good about ourselves all the time on the outside (even at the expense of others, which is narcissistic) and knowing that we are loved and valuable, which is healthy self-love.

When we know we are valuable, we have a strong, secure sense of self and feel better about ourselves. We don’t run looking for external validation to improve our self-esteem, nor do our interactions depend on what we can glean from others or how we get our narcissistic fix.

When we love ourselves and know we are valuable, we feel happy and at peace inside and move through life with a wide open heart, sharing our love abundantly with anyone who comes into contact with us.

Our lives become an expression of our inner peace and happiness rather than frantically seeking happiness from external events and running after the next fix to fill our perceived inner emptiness.

Buddhism, Hinduism, Greek mythology and all spiritual philosophies point to loving ourselves – not in narcissistic ways but in the form of healthy self-love which means respecting our true essence.

While we all know how important self-love is to living a happy life, why do so many people struggle with self-love?

I’m sharing with you the top three misleading tactics that prevent people from loving themselves.

These methods are flawed because even if they look like self-love on the surface but if you delve deeper into them, you will see that they are just a way of looking for love and validation from without instead of going to the source of love, which is within:

1. Spend money on things to make you feel like you deserve them more.

Loving yourself doesn’t have to mean going to expensive spas, massages, or expensive dinners. This doesn’t mean buying expensive clothes or gadgets to make you feel like you’re worth more.

People engage in getting things as temporary fixes to make them feel better about themselves and their lives, but internally they feel unloved and unworthy. These fixes don’t work because they are temporary and cannot fill the inner emptiness you feel due to not knowing and loving who you are at your core.

Loving yourself means accepting and embracing yourself fully, the good, the bad and the ugly.

It means recognizing that you are human, and even if you have flaws or imperfections, you are still valuable and loved because of your divine essence.

Related: 12 Things Passive-Aggressive People Do — But Don’t Realize

2. Do things for others so they think you are a good person.

Do you do things for people and say yes even when you don’t have the time or desire to do those things just because you don’t want to disappoint people?

This typical people-pleasing behavior comes from a lack of self-esteem. You think if you do enough things for people they will like you. But no matter what you do for them or how many times they tell you “I love you,” you won’t feel loved because you’re not being true to yourself.

Self-love means taking care of yourself and then providing love and support to your partner. You can’t fill up from an empty cup. If you don’t take care of your needs and keep doing things for others, sooner or later you will feel resentment or bitterness.

3. You’re always looking for that perfect relationship.

Do you believe that once you find a partner, you will feel happy, complete and fulfilled? Do you feel that someone can make you feel valued, appreciated and loved by praising you?

Have you tried this strategy? Did this work?

I bet it won’t, because it’s a losing strategy.

You can’t look to someone else to make you feel perfect. If you don’t love or value yourself, you won’t be able to accept love from someone else either. Because deep down you think you don’t deserve love.

Well, we now know that self-love is the basic requirement for living a happy, healthy and fulfilling life. So, how can we love ourselves?

The good news is that loving ourselves doesn’t take as much effort as convincing someone else to love us, and it’s much easier than emptying our pockets on expensive things.

Loving ourselves and having a strong, secure sense of self is more powerful and sustainable than hearing praise from someone or the momentary thrill we get from buying expensive things. Loving ourselves creates the foundation for living the best life possible.

When we love ourselves, we only engage in authentic relationships and eliminate toxic ones.

When we love ourselves, we will have the honesty and courage to be true to ourselves and face challenges with integrity.

When we love ourselves, our careers flourish because we achieve our purpose and contribute to the world without any apology.

When we love ourselves, our health improves because we already have the self-discipline and self-esteem to practice healthy habits on a daily basis.

How do we love ourselves right?

Self-love begins with self-awareness. We cannot love something we do not know.

So, to start loving yourself, the first step is to get to know you. Get to know yourself well and then embrace everything that arises with kindness and love. Make a list of all your traits, the good ones and the not-so-good ones.

Read this list out loud and then with your hand over your heart, repeat this affirmation: “I am strong. I am weak. I am flawed. I am broken. I am weak. I am human. And despite these flaws, I surrender.” “I allow myself to love myself unconditionally, as I am a growing, evolving being who uses past mistakes as fuel for my journey of growth.” – Melanie Greenberg

Spend time meditating, meditating and becoming aware of the patterns in your life. Be aware of any pain stuck inside you and embrace it with kindness and love. The more you learn to fully accept yourself with love and kindness, the more you will be able to love others with love and compassion.