In this article, you’ll learn everything there is to know about malignant narcissism.
As it is.
How to spot a malignant narcissist.
And what can you do if there is a malignant narcissist in your life?
Let’s go…
#Characteristics of malignant narcissists
In modern psychology, malignant narcissism is commonly used to describe individuals who are ruthless, goal-oriented, and have a sense of importance or “specialness,” and for this reason, it is most associated with leaders, personalities, and other individuals who have some form of personality disorder. success.
Like other narcissistic subtypes, malignant narcissists display the same traits used to diagnose individuals with borderline personality disorder.
Clinical diagnosis requires at least five of the following nine characteristics to diagnose someone with BPD:
They have an unjustified sense of entitlement and pride
They show arrogance towards others through beliefs and attitudes
They tend to idealize situations and create imaginary situations where they are better than everyone around them
They constantly need attention and appreciation, and they behave badly when they are ignored
They are incapable of empathy
They tend to lie about their achievements to make them more impressive
They think they are special and superior
They have no problem exploiting others for personal gain
They tend to envy others or believe that everyone envies them
What makes malignant narcissists different is how they behave
Crosses over into antisocial personality disorder.
A malignant narcissist not only enjoys inflating his or her self-image, but they also enjoy putting others down.
They have a penchant for destruction and will stop at nothing to achieve their own interests.
Experts consider the malignant narcissist to be the most toxic, dangerous, and traumatic of all the subtypes of narcissistic personality disorder.
Because they tend to have traits of antisocial personality disorder, they are less empathetic than milder narcissistic subtypes, and more vicious and cunning when it comes to getting what they want.
#Malignant narcissism versus other types of narcissism
Because narcissistic personality disorder occurs so widely, it is difficult to represent each diagnosis individually. However, these three types of narcissism can represent extremes along the spectrum and can help you understand how one subtype may differ from another.
#Malignant narcissism versus psychopathy
Experts often say that narcissism and psychopathy can seem indistinguishable from each other. Unlike other NPD types, malignant narcissists have a passion for sadism. They have no problems using cruelty, humiliation, and manipulation. Most of the time, they enjoy doing it for other people.
However, what differentiates malignant narcissists from psychopaths is their ability to own up to their mistakes. If you ask psychopaths, most of them do not consider themselves evil and are unable to reflect on their actions.
Malignant narcissists, on the other hand, are often aware of what they are doing, yet they continue to do it because they don’t care, or worse because they enjoy hurting those around them.
Signs of a malignant narcissist
1) Dependent conditioning
Real-world example: Making you feel bad for spending time alone
What you may have heard: “It’s good that you’re making time for yourself but I hope you think about how much it affects me when you’re not around.”
How they want you to feel: Guilty. They want to make you dependent on them.
Because they believe they are superior beings, they believe you don’t need to cultivate a life outside of the relationship, and should focus on them instead.
Malignant narcissists believe they are better than everyone else, and they have a hard time understanding this when you try to pursue relationships or interests outside your circle.
As a result, they start making you feel guilty when you leave them alone and often ask to spend more time together.
However, the efforts are not always mutual. Victims may notice that they stay at home more than their partner.
This is because narcissists sometimes view their partners as safety zones; They feel afraid that their partner will stop meeting their needs once they find a better hobby, partner, or support group, but they have no problems going out and enjoying their own lives.
2) Insecurity of confidentiality
Real-world example: belittling the accomplishments of others
What you may have heard: “What they did on this project was pretty cool, but I don’t think it’s anything innovative.”
How they want you to feel: Impressed by how smart they are.
They want you to feel like they should be your go-to source for everything. They are competitive and always want to impress you, even if the situation has nothing to do with them.
While most malignant narcissists strive to become leaders, not everyone achieves this goal. Those who do not hold senior positions often feel conflict caused by how they see themselves versus their actual skills in the real world.
To compensate, malignant narcissists may belittle the accomplishments of others. Some may go further and insert themselves into the conversation, either by citing that the person would not have been able to achieve their goals without the narcissist’s help.
These individuals constantly seek to undermine others and have no problems doing so.
3) Bullying
Real-world example: Criticize everything you do
What you may have heard: “I’m just trying to make you a better person.”
How they want you to feel: Your need for advice, in every aspect of your life. Bullying is a guilty pleasure for malignant narcissists because they believe they are turning you into a better version of yourself.
All the “improvement” and constant criticism you are experiencing could be a sign that you are with a malignant narcissist.
These people believe that they set the standards for attractiveness, good behavior, and wealth, which is why they try to impose that on everyone.
This manifests itself in pointless fights, personal arguments, and unnecessary criticism in the relationship. Sometimes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells and are afraid to confirm your identity because you’re worried they’ll have something to say about it.
As a result, you have to stay calm and give up your instincts just to please them and keep peace in the relationship. You lose your sense of self and feel like you have no place to talk about how you feel.
Dealing with a Malignant Narcissist: Why Relationships with Malignant Narcissists Are So Dangerous
Being in a relationship with a narcissist – whether it is a romantic relationship, a platonic relationship, or a familial relationship – will always be difficult for the victim, but in most cases, steps can be taken to adjust the narcissist’s behavior and make the relationship better for them. BOTH parties.
However, relationships with malignant narcissists are significantly more dangerous and damaging than relationships with less extreme narcissists.
The difference lies in awareness: While most narcissists are somewhat unaware of the pain they cause, malignant narcissists feed off of it, actively seeking to increase it at every turn.
The typical narcissistic abuse cycle consists of four steps. here they are:
Feels threatened: The narcissist feels threatened by an upsetting event – some form of disrespect, abandonment, neglect, rejection, or disapproval. They obsess over this event over and over again.
– Causes abuse: They spread their negativity and disappointment onto their closest and easiest victim through abuse. This abuse can be emotional, spiritual, verbal, financial, physical, sexual, or mental, and its primary goal is to intimidate and stimulate the victim in their most vulnerable areas.
– Plays the victim: As soon as the abused person tries to fight, the narcissist switches roles and plays the victim. This leads to a second bout of abuse for the original victim, who is now manipulated into believing that 1) she deserves the initial abuse, and 2) that she is wrong to respond. They end up agreeing with the narcissist after tripping over guilt, even apologizing and begging for forgiveness.
– Becomes empowered: The narcissist wins, and feelings of threat from the first step are replaced by feelings of empowerment. They renew their sense of superiority and feel stronger and better than ever.
The typical narcissist will engage in each step of the cycle of abuse step by step, with each step justifying and explaining the next step.
This is why most narcissists do not understand their mistakes and believe that everything they do is justified.
However, what makes a malignant narcissist so dangerous is that he or she does not follow a cycle of abuse at all. Instead, they feed the knowledge that they inflict pain on their victims.
They do not have a cycle that can be broken with certain methods and techniques – the malignant narcissist is simply on his way to seeing how far he can go before the victim forces him to stop. If the victim never addresses their abuse, it will simply continue until they completely break down, or worse.
#Why survivors of malignant narcissists rarely come forward
We cannot stress more how dangerous it is to be with a malignant narcissist, and one of the reasons for this is that as a survivor of this type of relationship, it can be very difficult to return to a normal life and mindset.
Survivors of abuse by malignant narcissists rarely come forward, which further discourages others from recognizing and escaping their traumatic relationships. Some reasons for this include:
It wouldn’t make sense to outsiders: The best malignant narcissists cultivate a charming, admirable, and likable outward persona, only revealing their abusive nature behind closed doors.
This makes it difficult for victims to prove to the world that their charming partner is a malignant narcissist, especially since the victim will appear emotional and disturbed due to long-term trauma.
Victims hide it until they can’t: If a victim comes forward and claims that her partner has been abusing her for years, people often try to look at her history and reputation to find any signs of an abusive relationship.
However, the victim’s passive and gentle nature will hide any previous evidence of abuse, as they may have previously hoped that they could repair the relationship. Thus, allegations of long-term abuse, although true, rarely make sense.
– Society tends to look at both parties: When dealing with domestic problems in a relationship, society tends to sympathize with both partners. We try to frame it in a way that we partly blame both partners.
When a victim reacts to long-term abuse, we use this as a way to blame the victim, which is exactly what the abuser wants, claiming “equal reciprocal abuse.”
#Malignant Narcissist Abuse Techniques
1) Abuse method: triangulation
What it is: Introducing a third party into a conversation or argument. Sometimes this can be a manufactured love triangle
Why they do it: To upset the victim. If another person agrees with the abuser, the victim may begin to question his or her own beliefs
How to Resist: Realize that everyone is being manipulated into triangulation. The third party involved may not be told the full truth
2) Method of abuse: defamation
What it is: Making the victim feel ashamed of his behavior, characteristics, belief, or attitude
Why they do it: It is used to destroy the victim from within, by making them question parts of their character that they believe they can be proud of.
How to Resist: Understand that they are doing this on purpose and that they are specifically targeting your most vulnerable aspects
3) Method of dealing: projection
What it is: Shifting responsibility for the negativity and pain caused by their behavior and placing it on the victim; While we all do it lightly, malignant narcissists do it with extreme cruelty
Why they do it: It’s rare for a malignant narcissist to feel like they’ve done something wrong, but when they do, it’s just a defense mechanism to get rid of their shame.
How to resist: Do not allow yourself to be convinced by their projections, and do not lose your kindness and compassion for them.
4) Abuse style: meaningless arguments
What it is: Confusing, convoluted, and illogical arguments, involving personal advertising, circular conversations, gaslighting, and more
Why they do it: To make the victim lose track of the focus of the argument when the narcissist knows he or she is wrong. They provoke the victim into saying something wrong, then hold on to that to win the argument
How to resist: Don’t argue. Malignant narcissists don’t try to argue a point; They are trying to win, and they will do whatever it takes. So the only way to save yourself is to not get involved in the first place
5) Misuse method: mind reading and misinformation
What it is: Putting words into the victim’s mouth to make his or her arguments sound worse
Why they do it: This makes it easier for the aggressor to win during an argument with the victim, because it gives the victim strange statements that they cannot support.
How to resist: Don’t give up – just say “Those are not my words,” and state exactly what your arguments are
#Looking at oneself: Are you the perfect target for malignant narcissists, and why?
Accepting the fact that an important person in your life is a malignant narcissist can be very difficult, to the point that many people do their best to never cross that line.
They end up making excuses, explaining away their behavior, or suppressing it completely, leaving themselves to suffer in silence.
If you think that your partner, friend, or family member may be a malignant narcissist and that you may be trapped in an abusive relationship with them, one way to truly accept and believe in your situation is to understand the type of person malignant narcissists are dealing with. Who are you most attracted to, and why?
Simply put, malignant narcissists want the perfect target for their abuse. The three most important characteristics that characterize a person who is in a relationship with a malignant narcissist are as follows:
– You are insecure: Malignant narcissists understand the way a person attacks insecurities from within, so they look for inherently insecure victims.
They will have a harder time manipulating people who have little or no insecurities, as they will have nothing to turn on the inside.
– Always trying to fix things: You find it difficult to accept that your person is a malignant narcissist because you suffer from a Christ complex, where part of you recognizes his problems, but you would rather stay where he is and fix it with him than accept him. How serious their personality disorder is.
-You are not skilled at confrontation: You are a negative person, and making waves is not something you like to do. You realize you are being taken advantage of, but you would rather weather the storm and hope it passes than stand up to the bully and confront it.
All three characteristics can make a person an ideal target for a malignant narcissist.
But there is another characteristic that most partners of malignant narcissists share: a history of being raised by narcissistic parents.
Those raised by narcissistic parents tend to grow up seeking narcissistic partners; This is due to a condition known as echogenicity.
#Understanding echo, the byproduct of malignant narcissism
The concept of echolalia was first coined by psychoanalyst Dean Davis in 2005 and has gained popularity over the past few years, with communities and organizations forming around the concept and helping people use echolalia, known as echolalia.
Echoists are highly sensitive, emotionally intelligent, compassionate, and people pleasers everywhere.
However, they are also distinctly characterized as having little sense of self, with many describing feelings of being invisible, not knowing where they are, and being unable to envision themselves in their home.
So what could prompt a person to develop echolalia?
Simply put, echolalia is a byproduct of malignant narcissism and other highly abusive forms of narcissism.
The most common situations that trigger resonance include long-term romantic relationships with narcissists, and being raised by narcissistic parents.
The term comes from Narcissus’ lesser-known partner (from Greek myth, the origin of narcissism), Echo.
Echo was a wood nymph who fell in love with Narcissus, but became cursed by her love, and could only repeat his words instead of speaking her language.
Similar to Echo, echolalia have difficulty understanding their sense of self, and instead learn to rely on the narcissist in their lives for feelings and meaning.
“I used to go to the toilet a lot to look at myself in the mirror,” says one of the Echo pioneers. This sounds very strange, and it wasn’t a trivial matter – I was just making sure I was still there. My sense of self was very weak and I hated attention. I just wanted to be invisible.
