Key Points
While unhealthy relationships may not be entirely avoidable, people can take steps to protect themselves.
It is important to set healthy boundaries and stick to them.
Self-awareness and regular communication with your support system are essential.
Narcissists tend to prey on intimacy and use power and control as deadly weapons. Their ability to manipulate can be astonishing, especially in the early stages of romantic relationships—when everything seems new, fresh, and exciting. This manipulative talent, while used to make the initial phase of a romance seem “almost perfect,” can have devastating long-term consequences.
If you find yourself consistently involved in romantic relationships with a narcissist, or someone who exhibits significant narcissistic tendencies, you may be lacking vital characteristics that can diminish your attractiveness to these unhealthy romantic partners.
Narcissists seek out the same patterns over and over again.
Narcissists seek out the same patterns in their victims, a pattern of interactions and characteristics that will make their end game easier. If you research the dating history of narcissists, you’ll likely find that their victims seem eerily similar in many ways. Understanding these patterns and working hard to ensure that they don’t show up in your interactions with others can be a valuable tool to help you avoid narcissistic relationships.
- Know your buttons, and don’t react when others push them. Everyone has hidden trouble spots—areas of low self-esteem, fears, and concerns that, when highlighted, can impact the quality of relationships, especially if they’re not addressed. Since narcissists prey on your vulnerabilities and weaknesses, it’s essential to know what these are before you expose them to others.
While it may seem like a stretch, understanding where you have room for improvement is a crucial step in a relationship that works well. Explore the characteristics that you’d rather others not see. Do you suffer from low self-esteem? Do you feel like you don’t measure up in certain areas? Are there aspects of yourself that you’d rather hide from others? If so, it’s essential that you explore these characteristics for yourself before entering into romantic relationships. Ignoring it may not be worth it in the long run.
Get to know yourself—on an intimate, no-holds-barred level. Know the buttons that might hurt or trigger you when someone pushes them, and work on fixing them while you’re still single. The more you know and work on your vulnerabilities, the less vulnerable you’ll be to others who might be looking to exploit them—and the harder it will be for someone to use them against you.
In the same vein, learn how not to react when someone pushes your buttons. Narcissists thrive on these interactions, and they’re a reward of sorts for their efforts to upset you. If you learn how to monitor and manage your reactions in unsafe situations, you’ll be less likely to be used by a narcissist to hurt you.
- Stick to your boundaries no matter what. Know your boundaries. There’s always a line that you’re not willing to cross, and a narcissist will naturally pick up on those lines—and immediately start trying to cross them. If you are fully aware of your boundaries and have spent time developing and enforcing them, you will be much safer against these attacks.
Boundaries are essential to any healthy relationship, especially romantic relationships. While the boundaries you set can vary depending on the situation, the core belief that drives the boundaries should remain the same. If you strongly oppose abuse, you will set boundaries that do not allow it in your relationships—whether that means bringing it up when it happens to resolve it or walking away from the situation once it occurs.
How you go about setting boundaries depends on your self-awareness and your knowledge of the other person’s intentions. However, no matter the situation, your boundaries should be non-negotiable. If you value independence, you will be willing to set boundaries around any relationships or interactions that might threaten this principle. When dealing with a narcissist, boundaries should be absolute with no room for maneuvering—so practicing setting your boundaries ahead of time, and learning how they play out in different relationships, is essential to healthy interactions.
- Maintain a close support system. Narcissists focus on victims who lack a support system or who would be easily separated from their close friends and family. By maintaining a close support system, you effectively provide yourself with a buffer that can help you recognize (and defeat) manipulation attempts.
Support systems look different for everyone, but the most important foundational factors are well-functioning relationships that can provide unconditional respect and act as a ringing box for any problems that arise. These factors will be crucial when it comes to spotting manipulators before too much damage is done, and the more connected you are to your support system, the less likely you are to fall prey to a narcissist.
Narcissists work hard to separate victims from those who care about them, so consistent communication with loved ones is essential when it comes to fending off sophisticated manipulators. Narcissists also make an effort to insert themselves into existing support systems and then drive a subtle wedge between their victims and their loved ones, making a strong and consistent support system (whatever form it takes for each individual) essential to fend off their attacks.
HoneYourSkills.
While completely avoiding unhealthy romantic relationships is difficult, putting in place self-protective measures can help reduce the chances of succumbing to narcissists. Practice makes perfect: The more you practice and hone your skills, the easier it will be to fall back on them when needed. Once they become second nature, narcissists will find you significantly less attractive.
