Anyone interested in psychology may have heard of the term “gaslighting” in relation to a romantic relationship. But gaslighting at work is a relatively new phenomenon. So what are the signs and how can you tell if you’re gassed at work?

What is Gaslighting and what are the origins of this term?

The term “gaslighting” is from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband gradually convinces his wife that she is going crazy. We call this form of gaslighting manipulation because in the movie the murderous husband tries to drive his wife crazy by convincing her that she imagined the dimming gas lights in their apartment.

In fact, the lights were dimmed because the pair was looking for her aunt’s jewelry. When the wife tries to talk to her husband and discuss the dim gas lights, her husband denies it ever happened.

He manipulates her into thinking she fantasized about it. He also manipulates the environment in which they both live. For example, he denies that there is noise coming from the attic (the result of his frantic research). He constantly misleads, confuses, categorically denies and insists on certain details. In the end, the wife cannot resolve her version of reality with her husband.

So gaslighting is a term describing abusive behavior that manipulates the environment to make a person question their own sanity.

Why do people use gaslighting?

People light gas for many different reasons:

need for force
The desire to control the other person
Having to hide something
feeling insecure
You are jealous of your success
want to get ahead of you
Examples of gaslighting in action:
Questioning your version of events
Rearrange tables without notifying you
Take credit for the work you have completed
He spreads malicious gossip and then denies it
Blaming you when things go wrong
Pretend they can’t understand you
Bullying you in front of colleagues
Getting angry with you but smiling at others
Gas lighting can be used by anyone at work, from your immediate boss to your co-worker or even a customer.

Here are some more specific examples of gas lighting in action:

We all tend to judge people by our own standards. In general, we think people are honest. As a result, it is really confusing to encounter someone who constantly puts a spotlight on you. At work, not only is it confusing, but it can affect your career, not to mention your mental health.

Examples of gaslighting in action:

Your boss told you you had until the end of the month to complete the report, but today, you swear, she told you it was lunch time.

You’re always getting kicked out of important email threads by a colleague who insists they sent it to you. When you question their actions, they accuse you of overreacting and being a drama queen.

Your manager takes credit for your idea and then manages to convince you that they have to do a lot of work to make it look good.

Your co-worker talks about you behind your back, but when you confront them, they deny it, saying it’s all on your mind.

So, how do you know if someone is flashing you at work? Look for the following signs.

3 Gaslighting signs at work

You feel as if something is off about a certain person whenever you interact with them
Do you walk out of meetings with this person feeling emasculated, overwhelmed, or overwhelmed? Typically a confident member of society, with no issues, you are not a shrink in the workplace. But there is something about that new boss or co-worker that might be throwing you off balance.

You walk away from interactions with them thinking something may be happening, but you can’t quite put your finger on it. Trust your gut. Step back from the position. Ask a colleague or family member about your concerns. Try to put the situation into perspective.

You are starting to second guess yourself and doubt yourself
Have you gone from a confident worker to someone who is now constantly reviewing their work? Do you feel as if your memory is getting worse? For example, you don’t trust yourself to remember important dates, deadlines, or meetings.

Do you feel like you’re losing the plot sometimes? Are you going crazy and can’t rely on your judgment anymore? Do you doubt your ability to do the job? Do you feel depressed at the thought of meeting this person on a daily basis? Remember, it’s not you, it’s them.

You are constantly accused of being too sensitive

Have you always prided yourself on being able to take it on the chin? That you have broad shoulders and can take a joke? Have you always been self-deprecating, but now, you’re always being told that you’re too sensitive or that you’re a drama queen?

Do bosses tell you to deal with the program and benefit from it? Do you always feel tired? Are you afraid of being accused of overreacting, so you keep quiet? Do you feel isolated and helpless?

My experience with gaslighting at work

I have an example of a gassed co-worker from an old job I had on the railroads. A co-worker (let’s call her BS Sue) told me that she suffered from narcolepsy and that her mother died of brain cancer. Of course, I was instantly sympathetic. But BS Sue will start to contradict herself. One minute, her mother was on her deathbed 6 stone, the next week, she was 4 stone. One week she died of brain cancer, the next month it was of breast cancer.

Things started not adding up. Then a co-worker asked me out and we started dating. By this time, I had moved in with BS Sue. The three of us became an item as we all went out together and went out to meals together.

Then something strange started happening. My boyfriend who was working at the time started walking out on me. I’d come home and find him and my BS and Sue sat together on the couch, all cozy. When I got home, they stopped talking.

In the end, I came out and ended the relationship with both of them. I found out later that she was spreading rumors that I was sleeping, that I was cheating and that I was awful to my boyfriend. I confronted her and had a breakdown, yelling at me, “Everyone finally leaves me!”

{mashshare]