We’ve all met one at some point. A man or woman who seems to believe that he or she is the center of the universe. They are arrogant, cruel, and manipulative, and force the world around them to conform to this belief.

The narcissist is self-important and conceited, exaggerates his own achievements, demands endless praise, and has an uncanny ability to trample the achievements of others. They lack empathy and don’t seem to realize that you are a whole person with your own needs. In fact, you are just a useful tool, something to admire.

The narcissist believes he is entitled to everything, including your time, emotions, and self-esteem.

Dramatic attempts to get your attention make your life seem tragic and full of anxiety. Constantly cutting yourself off so that the narcissist can become “better” destroys self-confidence and ultimately leads you into a downward spiral of depression.

I remember when I realized I was dealing with a narcissist. I remember receiving a beautiful decorated card in December that simply said “Joy.” I had it on my mantle for a few days before I really thought about that word. I felt disconnected from him. What is joy? Then I found myself wondering:

When did you become so negative?
Why am I always down on myself?
When will things look good? Or at least okay? I feel like I’m always one minute away from tragedy.
Why do I feel guilty every time I feel the least bit happy?

Whether it’s your boyfriend, your mother, or your best friend, you may find yourself living in their narcissistic delusion, submitting to your own needs and feeling bad most of the time. While you want to live your truth, you feel like you can’t. There are many habits that narcissists teach us that make breaking free of them seem almost impossible.

Here are some things you should realize if you want to get rid of the narcissist in your life:

A narcissist will not appreciate everything you do to accommodate or please him.
When you’re dealing with a very selfish person, it’s often easier to let them get what they want than to try to make them conform to average social norms. For example, you agreed to have dinner at 7, but they will come whenever they want. You can even wait for hours without any apology.

If the tables are turned and you’re late for dinner, she’ll apologize for it until the end of time. If you’re the type who can’t stand this hypocrisy, the narcissist won’t associate with you anyway. But you don’t want to be petty and you don’t want to ruin your day by arguing, so the narcissist wins. You eat where they want to eat, watch what they want to watch on TV, etc.

We conform to the narcissist. That’s why they keep us around. However, these efforts will never be appreciated. No matter how thoughtfully you try, no matter how much time or money you spend, no matter how many people defend the narcissist, the narcissist will not thank you. You’re just giving them something they think they deserve.

They will never remember all the things you did right, only what you did wrong.
If you’ve been close to a narcissist, you’ve probably felt like a perfectionist. Nothing you do is good enough, and you always miss the mark. The narcissist loves having people like this in his entourage. Because their expectations are unrealistic and their standards impossible, the narcissist is also a perfectionist.

As a narcissist, “perhaps the only way to feel special is to demand special treatment, insist on absolute compliance with your desires from others, and demand nothing less than perfection from others,” writes Pavel J. Somov, Ph.D. Dr..

Although a narcissist won’t pat you on the back for doing something right, he or she will keep a laundry list of everything you’ve done wrong. It helps them keep you feeling low about yourself and inflates their ego. So I ask, what’s the point of bending over backwards, if none of the things you’re doing right matter?

There is no point in getting along with a narcissist. Doing so may hurt you more than you think.

If you subordinate your needs long enough, you will begin to lose your sense of self.
When you make a decision, does your mind automatically wonder what the narcissist will say? Their critical eye and extremely harsh judgment rattle in your head even when they are not around. Don’t try to follow a specific diet because the narcissist said it was a waste of time. You buy a certain car because they said it was the best. You move things or buy other things because the narcissist said so and if you do anything wrong they will bully you.

But what about what you want? Do you even know what this is? If the narcissist didn’t exist in your life, who would you date, what car would you buy, what movie would you watch, and what neighborhood would you move to? Ask yourself what you really want, without the influence of the narcissist, and start putting those needs first.

When you internalize their deep selfishness, you confirm that your needs don’t matter as much as the narcissist’s needs. It’s as if they’re saying, “I’m going to bury your self-esteem,” and we’re like, “Great, let me help you with that.”

Here are some things you should realize if you want to get rid of the narcissist in your life:

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