Want to know why you should stop proving yourself to narcissists?
We’ve all been there.
Doing the humiliating dance to try to prove our worth to the narcissist. Stripping ourselves of our entire identities in order to have crumbs of validation.
Honestly, though, they should be trying to get your approval, not the other way around.
Honestly, a narcissist is not the type to try to prove yourself to.
In this article:
I will walk you through the step-by-step reasons why a narcissist is not worth your undying efforts, and show you the tools and resources that will put you on the path to recovery from narcissistic abuse.
You will create a way forward and stop testing for the narcissist as if you were playing a Hollywood script.
looks good?
Let’s dive into it.
3 Reasons to stop proving yourself to the narcissist
1 – They are dishonest
If you find yourself the target of narcissistic abuse, I will expect you to be a reasonably honest person… maybe a little too honest. What do I mean by that? Let me ask you a question… If the narcissist in your life was a friend, co-worker, or romantic partner, when did you share all of your deepest secrets with them? How raw and vulnerable have you allowed yourself to be?
How honest are you to stay with them, even though you have caught them in so many lies?
The biggest mistake I see with clients and followers is this… Despite the narcissist being a total liar, their targets are still painfully honest with them, freely revealing information that the narcissist uses as ammunition.
You don’t have to reveal all your deepest secrets and plans to a dishonest person. Wanting to protect your well-being and future does not make you a liar; It makes you smart. Furthermore, divulging everything to the narcissist does not make them view you in a more positive light. It makes them think you’re naive and easy to take advantage of, all while continuing to lie to your face left and right.
From now on, you should consider getting the narcissist to prove their sincerity before you consider sharing important information with them.
2 – They are insincere
Narcissists are notorious cheaters. They do not get emotionally attached to their partners and are always looking for the next shiny thing to entertain and escape from boredom.
Because of this, they are also known to blame their partners for cheating.
Narcissists who cheat are not doing it because there is anything wrong with you. They do this because they have low moral values, a lack of willpower, and an extreme lack of gratitude for what you’ve given them in your relationship.
Forgiving the narcissist will not do anything to improve your chances with them. In fact, forgiving the deceitful narcissist is the same as allowing them to continue doing it…and they will continue to do it.
No, the narcissist needs to prove that he or she is trustworthy, not the other way around. And this is unlikely to happen because narcissists are the most unreliable people on the planet.
3 – They have no morals
Narcissists do not have a moral compass. They will do anything (and I mean anything) to advance their sick agendas.
If you’ve been in a relationship with a narcissist for any length of time, you’ve likely found out on your own. Even if you caught them doing something suspicious or unacceptable, they probably gave you a reasonable explanation, which sends you back into your bubble where they are just a regular person, trying to live their lives like everyone else.
But here’s the deal… the things you know about a narcissist are just the tip of the iceberg.
Beneath the murky waters, there is a whole undiscovered world out there.
According to Dr. Athena Stick, narcissism is a severe cognitive disorder and is considered a permanent personality disorder by the DSM. This means that the prediction of recovery is zero to none. This disorder is characterized by the absence of an internal value system, a set of basic emotional drivers that guide the decision-making behaviors of humans in relationships in general.
Nothing repels narcissists more than the human traits of caring, tenderness, and compassion.
We can conclude, then, that no amount of trying to prove yourself to the narcissist will make a difference to their opinion of you. Instead, consider dropping your attachment to what they believe and realize that no one alive is good enough for the individual narcissist because of their lack of empathy and a sense of entitlement.
Instead of focusing on the narcissist’s opinion of who the pathological liar is, anyway… think about what you think of yourself. If this was damaged during your relationship with a narcissist, consider asking your friends and family who care about you.
Even if narcissists can see that you have skills in any area of life, their entire agenda is based on making you feel worthless. This is exactly how to make you audition and play nice. If they can make you feel that you have let them down or that you no longer like them, this is how they can extract copious amounts of the narcissistic supply if you play up to their game.
It’s time to stop trying to prove yourself to the narcissist, trying to get their approval, admiration, or acceptance, because the whole structure of narcissistic abuse is designed to make you feel like you can never be good enough.
And this is how you will always feel as long as you are in a relationship with them.
The only way to make things work with a narcissist
Sure, while hovering, she can be convincing and make you think she didn’t mean what he said; They really think you’re the greatest thing since slicing bread. But if there is a pattern of emotional and verbal abuse, it is all part of the cycle of narcissistic abuse (or the cycle of power and control). Therefore, it is important that you try to reach a place within yourself of radical acceptance and radically accept that the narcissist cannot change.
Stop resisting, stop fighting, stop feeding “what if” scenarios. Stop trying to appeal to their inner child from long ago.
These procedures are stressful, and can take a huge toll on your physical and mental health.
Narcissists are who they are. By accepting them radically and choosing to remain in a relationship with them, it means that you take on the good and the bad without expecting them to change and without being surprised every time they betray you, again. Those are the only two options you really have.
You are dealing with a narcissist. Accept them as they are and stop trying to force them into the image you want them to be. Accept them for who they are with all their infidelities, all their lies, all their cheating, bad manners, lack of empathy… Accept them that way.
If you really want to keep them in your life, this is the only way you can do that…by accepting them as they are. But this is not really a way to live. A lot of people think to themselves, well, I’m going to witness myself and just accept narcissists for who they are because I can’t stand the thought of them not being in my life.
But it is only a matter of time until you realize that this is not a way to live because your mental health will continue to decline. This does not even mean to mention all the physical manifestations that trauma will cause within your physical body. This is not really a way to live. And I hope you see that day after reading this article.
