God doesn’t always kill His enemies individually in the Old Testament, but when He does, they tend to be narcissistic. What Onan, Jezebel, and Nabal all have in common with narcissists is a complete lack of empathy for others, excessive greed, and a suspicion that the world seeks to cheat them of what should be theirs. Like the personality disorder each of them displays, they are self-absorbed and dedicated to taking what they want no matter the cost to others.
I’ve always been a little fascinated by the fact that God would sometimes call some people and pull them into a permanent reprieve. When I started looking at them, I started to realize that they all had some things in common, the main one being that they were narcissists. Believing that God is patient is a scary thought that He will reach the end of His rope and decide it is time for some justice. So let’s take a look.
Onan: Every Man for Himself (Self-Absorbed Narcissists):
Onan, of course, is so well known for his sexual issues that his name has become a word for masturbation (onanism). But this is a misnomer. And he didn’t do it (well, at least not in the story). Instead, he committed intercourse. This is not the real issue. After all, no other male has mentioned the prohibition of withdrawal during sex. The matter before God was a little more complicated. Some things to consider are that God cast out Er, Onan’s brother, because of his wickedness, and commanded Onan to marry Tamar and give her a son. If he does not do so, ER’s property goes to him. By marrying Tamar, he feels like a deceived narcissist because his first son will bear his brother’s name and not his name. His brother’s property, which would otherwise have gone to him, would go to his son, who would not legally be his son. Talk about a narcissistic outlook!
The other issue here is Tamar’s treatment. Back then kids were your only 401k. Childless widows have nowhere to go, and no one to support them. This was an agricultural community. There were no jobs available. You have worked your land. Primogeniture means that property is generally passed from male to male. Foreign Concepts Now (although foreign recently if you get my drift), women depend on men to provide food as a general rule. Onan’s refusal to care for Tamar was a theft of her inheritance and financial support. In addition, Judah was king. Onan was transferring the royal lineage from Er to himself.
If you doubt Onan’s criminal intent, consider the scene itself. He has sex with Tamar and then she watches him “spill his seed on the floor.”
He used her sexually, and in a way that was intended to humiliate her and let her know that he intended to take what was due to her.
Truly narcissists.
Jezebel: A humiliating fate (for narcissists)
Jezebel also has no qualms about using the law to get what she wants. I’m not sure if she’s a narcissist or a sociopath. After all, she had committed murder so easily, out of greed, that she had killed one man for his generosity to spare herself the cost. She is a user of the people around her and her obsession with Elijah stems from his rejection of her worship of Baal. His only crime, if it could be called that, was talking to her about her issues. But in the eyes of the narcissist, public humiliation or even just embarrassment is a major violation. She was killed according to God’s word from Elijah, and, as the prophet points out, eaten by dogs.
I heard a missionary tell a story that always makes me laugh. I served a cannibal tribe, although I can no longer remember whether I was in South America or Papua New Guinea. She lived there for several years, learning their language and translating it into written language, while translating the Bible into the mother tongue. The elders met with her almost every night while she translated. They did not respond much until the story of Jezebel came. When they heard that the dogs did not eat the soles of Jezebel’s feet, suddenly everything became clear to them. They told her they had decided the Bible told the truth. Confused, I asked them why. And because they explained that, they didn’t eat the slippers either. Very bitter soles. Who knows?
Only God could use such details to bring about the redemption of an entire tribe of people.
Jezebel’s death was a deliberate humiliation, apparently arranged by a God who was no longer willing to give second chances.
Nabal: What is mine is mine
Sometimes I imagine writing a book and calling it “Life with Nabal” about the time I spent with my ex-husband. Nabal, Abigail’s husband, refused to host David and his men. A narcissist at heart, he cannot see beyond his self-importance, even when his life is on the line. Abigail realizes that this is an insult to the protection given by David and his men from enemies, so she steps in and feeds them well. I fell into the classic narcissistic abuse dilemma. If the narcissist obeys her husband, they will be killed. If she disobeyed her husband, she would probably be killed anyway. Nabal, both a coward and a narcissist, collapses in fear of what could have been and is “stricken to death by God.” He died because he hated any interference with his wealth and pleasures, and did not understand that he had them only because of the protection of others.
These three narcissists were self-absorbed and had no qualms of conscience. Instead, they hated anyone who stood in their way. Their pride has made them incapable of empathy, and their greed has blinded them to the rights of others.
In the mind of a narcissist, no one else exists except as an extension of themselves.
This is why people often describe being in a relationship with a narcissist as a slave.
For these reasons, one of my friends left her husband, and she found herself confused by his reaction. He was an obvious narcissist and wanted her back so badly even though he didn’t seem sad at all. Instead, when she asked him why he wanted her back, her husband said he felt like he lost his arm. interesting. He felt like he lost a part of himself that he was doing things for. That was all she was to him, a part of his body and an extension of himself.
I believe that God is a merciful God, even in the Old Testament. When people ask me about issues of genocide in the Bible, I ask them to look for the groups that God wanted to erase and compare them to the Nazis. Just as the Nazis committed acts of genocide, so did many of these people.
But beyond those philosophical arguments, what frightens me is the idea that some have gone too far from salvation. That narcissists feature so prominently in these numbers is both instructive and a warning. God simply removing a player from the stage is an indication that eventually, for every person, there comes a time when decisions come to an end. I cannot imagine a paradise with a Jezebel, an Onan, or a Hitler. But the question remains: Can I imagine myself there? All I can say is thank God for his blessing.
