Everyone wants to find true love and the right person for themselves. But sometimes, without knowing it, you may end up making some crucial dating mistakes that are hindering your chances of having the relationship you’ve always dreamed of.
the main points
It is important that you take intentional action to find your partner, rather than waiting for them to find you.
Shift your focus from trying to find the person you want.
Know that if you feel hurt by someone else’s actions, it’s not your fault that you feel hurt.
Meeting the right partner and creating a flourishing and loving relationship with them is an important part of the good life. Why, then, is it so difficult? I want to share some of the biggest mistakes I made beginning my dating journey which was a waste of my time and energy. By sharing these, I hope I can help you stop making the same mistakes that I did.
Related: Sad Truths Behind Why She Acts Like She Doesn’t Care When Deep Inside It’s Killing Her
3 Crucial dating mistakes that keep you from finding true love
- At first, I waited for the guys to call me first.
At that time, I thought I should wait to be pursued. I was afraid to “scare the guys away” if I called them first. At the time, this was the advice I was getting from everywhere: wait for them to come after you, don’t interact when they’re not texting, pretend you’re okay with things that definitely don’t work for you, don’t ask what you want, etc. . It was all horrible, sexist, and bad advice, but I didn’t know any better at the time.
In fact, it was waiting and hoping that the right man would find me a message and greatly limited my options. Plus, I was unwittingly overlooking the idea that women can’t go after what they want because men don’t like it. Also, do I want someone who gets turned off by a woman connecting with them? This guy doesn’t seem like the right guy for me.
I was giving away all my power by not choosing the person I wanted to get to know. If you are waiting for the right person to find you, you may be waiting for a lifetime. Instead, get into your power.
Get into who you are and into all that is yours. Choose a person you want to get to know. Send him or her a message. I sent my now husband the first message.
3 Crucial dating mistakes that keep you from finding true love
Dating mistakes should be avoided
- I focus on being attractive, desirable and desirable.
At the time, I believed that the path to a relationship began with desire. Upon reflection, I can see that this belief came from a fear that maybe I wasn’t. As a result, I didn’t focus on who was right for me. I wasn’t evaluating whether or not the people I went out with made me happy.
I was so focused on being desirable, I was looking for the wrong guys and feeling hurt when things didn’t go so well. Now, of course, I’m grateful that things didn’t work out for these guys.
Focusing on being wanted, I was coming from a weak place. I gave those with whom I went out the power to decide whether or not they wanted a relationship with me, and thus, the power to determine their worth or lack thereof. That power didn’t belong to them, and giving them away was a huge waste of time and energy.
Once I chose to be the one to determine my worth, I took my power back. I stopped trying to be wanted and stopped worrying about my desire. I stopped questioning my worth and started analyzing the people I went out with. This was a game changer. Since then, it has been easier to spot the wrong partners.
Related: 6 Signs You Are Meant To Be Together
- I blamed myself when someone hurt me instead.
They were hurting, I told myself, because I wasn’t good enough or that I had done something wrong when their actions were hurtful.
I did this because I didn’t know any better. I wasted so much time on the wrong guys because I was blaming myself for their actions. It wasn’t until I realized it was them, not me, that I started picking on different men.
Once I started picking guys who were emotionally available, nice, and healthy, the dating experience stopped being so painful. In fact, it wasn’t painful at all by then, because I wasn’t interacting with those who might cause me pain.
Avoid making critical dating mistakes
These three mistakes were keeping me from what I wanted. But I had to get myself inside to change and stop making those mistakes. You can change everything about yourself externally—what you look like, where you live, how much money you make, etc.—but if you don’t change internally, you will continue to repeat the same painful relationship patterns.
