What are the deeply ingrained personality traits of narcissists? What makes them tick?
According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, narcissistic personality disorder is characterized by a pervasive pattern of grandiosity, a need for admiration, exploitation of others, and a lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and manifesting in a variety of contexts.
It is not unusual to have one or two narcissistic traits, but when narcissistic traits are so prevalent that they impair a person’s social functioning, they may qualify for a diagnosis of narcissistic personality disorder.
Key Features According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders
- Feels grandiose and self-important (e.g., exaggerates his or her accomplishments and talents to the point of lying, demands to be recognized as superior without commensurate accomplishments)
- Is obsessed with delusions of unlimited success, fame, fearsome power or omnipotence,
unparalleled brilliance (cerebral narcissism), physical beauty or sexual performance (somatic narcissism), or an idealized, perpetual love or affection that triumphs over all
- Is absolutely convinced that he or she is unique, special, can only be understood by,
should only be treated by, or associated with, special or unique people, or high status (or institutions)
- Demands excessive admiration, flattery, attention, and affirmation—or, if unsuccessful,
wishes to be feared and notorious (symptomatic narcissism)
- Feels entitled. Expects unreasonable or special and favorable treatment.
Demands automatic and complete compliance with his expectations
- “Interpersonally exploitative,” meaning he uses others to achieve his ends
- Lacks empathy. Unable or unwilling to recognize or acknowledge the feelings and needs of others
- Constantly envies others or believes they feel the same way about him
- Arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes accompanied by anger when frustrated, contradicted, or confronted
20 Traits of Narcissists So You Can Spot Them Early
Dr. Erin Matiatos, psychologist and author of Dr. Erin’s Verbal Abuse Site, suggests that there are 20 common traits among people with Narcissistic Personality Disorder.
Related : What Does The Narcissist Feel About “No Contact”?
Not everyone has every trait, but most will have a significant number of them. Here is a shortened version from her website:
- Pathological Liar; skillfully deceitful and highly persuasive.
Avoids accountability by shifting topics, dodging questions, and making up new lies, deceptions, or threats when questioned.
Self-serving memory; denies previous statements.
- Contract Violator; agrees to anything and then turns around and does the opposite.
This con artist will accuse you of being a contract violator.
- Con artist; successfully backstabs his way to the top. Family is a disposable prop in his facade of success.
Charismatic, eloquent, and intelligent in his field, but often falsifies abilities and qualifications.
Requires strict control and relies on his manipulative skills.
Ruthlessly exploits or targets others in pursuit of his ever-changing agenda.
Ruthlessly abuses the power of his position. A vindictive office bully with no social or personal conscience. Often suspicious and paranoid.
- Sexually Exclusive; Often hypersexual (male or female). His victims report pornography, masturbation, and incest.
He gets bored easily, and demands increasingly perverted stimulation. He may also withhold sex or emotional support as a means of control.
- Blame Game; Never accepts responsibility. Blames others for his or her failures and circumstances. Skilled at projection.
- Violent; May be a wife beater, murderer, serial killer, stalker, or terrorist.
Has a “revenge” attitude. Attacks, destroys, or uses others (especially women and children) as scapegoats for his or her aggression or revenge. Poor impulse control.
Will try to make you appear out of control. Can be dangerous and unpredictable. Does not feel remorse or respect the rights of others.
- Controlling/Manipulative; Turns people against each other. Verbally skilled at twisting words and actions.
Charismatic and usually gets what he or she wants. Undermines your support network and discourages you from seeing family and friends.
Often targets other people’s money. Is cruel, demanding, and cruel.
He may seem pathetic and needy – you rush to help him with your finances, assets and talents.
While he promises to take the consequences, you may use him as his proxy to interact with others on his behalf.
- Drug, alcohol, drug abuse, etc. – he does. We see his overeating, over-exercising or having sex and his need for instant gratification.
- “Soulmate”; cunning and will come on strong, sweeping you off your feet.
He seems to share the same values, interests, goals, tastes and habits. He is impressed by your intelligence, ambition, honesty and loyalty.
He wants to marry you quickly. He feigns integrity, and appears helpful, accommodating and generous at first. Eventually, Jekyll turns into Hyde and his abandoned victims suffer emotional and financial devastation.
You may be quickly dumped because he is attached to his new “perfect soulmate”.
- Quiet and aloof; appears socially isolated, dirty and unkempt.
Notices his strange thinking. Uses it as a mask to appear pathetic to get what he can,
- Sadistic; watches with obvious pleasure as he inflicts emotional, financial, physical, and verbal cruelty on others.
Enjoys taking other people’s assets. Target: women, children, the elderly, and anyone who is weak.
- Angry; Gets angry with little or no provocation. Has exaggerated reactions and childish tantrums. His anger can be frightening.
Wants control, attention, and compliance. Any response is his reward – good or bad attention.
Your fear, crying, screaming, name calling, or hatred are his targets.
- Brainwashing; Highly charismatic and able to manipulate others to gain status, control, compliance, money, and attention.
Related : My Son’s Wife Is A Narcissist: How To Let Him Know?
Often found in religion and politics. He skillfully targets the naive, weak, uneducated, or mentally weak.
- Risk-taking/thrill-seeking; Never learns from past missteps and frequently displays poor judgment. Poor impulse control is a hallmark.
- Paranoia; usually suspicious of everything for no reason.
Fears exposure (as a fraud) and can be dangerous if threatened.
- Image-Making; flaunts his “toys,” his children, his wife, his qualifications, and his accomplishments.
Admiration, attention, and even the looks of others; our envy or fear is his goal.
Appears to be the perfect father, husband, and friend—to strangers.
- Emotional Emptiness; deceives us with his amazing ability to mimic human emotions.
We feel numb when we realize that he is completely devoid of empathy and genuine emotions.
- “Saint”; claims the moral high ground. Accuses others of immorality.
This hypocrite lies, cheats, abuses, deceives, controls, and manipulates while portraying himself as having high morals.
- Calling Card; warns his victims in advance. Early in the relationship he may reveal his nature by saying, “You have to protect yourself around me” or “Be careful, you never know what I’m up to.” You laugh, not realizing what the future holds.
- Repentance; pleads, “I’ll change, I love you, I’ll go to therapy.”
He seems to “admit” the past abuse and asks for forgiveness. Then he claims that we are wrong and that we need to change too.
