Unhealthy narcissism takes many forms. Being aware of narcissistic patterns can help you set healthy boundaries against the frustrating, confusing, or manipulative behavior of people with narcissism.
Here are 20 types of narcissism. Most narcissists exhibit more than one of the following. As you read these, think about the narcissist in your life and decide which one applies most to you:
- Narcissists fear feeling inferior or being seen as ordinary.
Hence, they act like royalty. They expect special treatment without doing anything to earn it, and they believe that normal rules and consequences do not apply to them. They feel they have the right to treat others with disdain or disrespect.
- Competitive narcissists’ sense of value is based on being winners, never “losers.”
In fact, they look at losers with disgust. They will throw even those close to them under the bus if it helps them win. They view others as potential competitors. Win-win solutions are alien to them.
- Perfectionist narcissists fear being seen as defective.
They should look and act perfect. While many people can be perfectionists without being narcissists, perfectionistic narcissists are extreme in their drive for perfection. It seems that negligence is holding them back.
- Power- and status-hungry narcissists live in terror of being seen as weak or unspecial.
They dedicate their lives to gaining power over the people and the world around them. They may be obsessed with social status, who they know and being in the “right” circles.
- Greedy narcissists seek to fill their inner emptiness with external proxies for value.
They focus on salaries, wealth and possessions. What they want boils down to one word: more. They can be driven either by an obsessive hoarding of their valuables or compulsive shopping to accumulate more.
- Victim narcissists adopt a position of martyrdom to gain attention.
They complain about their health and bemoan their lack of luck, love, or wealth. If others suggest solutions to their problems, they ignore or reject them. They prefer to complain rather than solve their problems. Their apparent fragility or fragile temperament leaves those around them walking on eggshells.
- Oppositional narcissists always need an enemy and seem to derive their energy from fighting.
They are in constant disputes with neighbors, merchants, relatives and work colleagues. They often hold a grudge or keep fighting even to their own detriment.
- Manipulative narcissists are secretive and indirect.
They send double messages, act passive-aggressively, and give only on conditions. They want to control information and keep others in the dark. Seemingly lacking in conscience, they excel at being con artists and hucksters.
- Grandiose narcissists are arrogant and attract the spotlight wherever they go.
They have to be the best and the biggest. Their egos and inflated personalities crowd out those around them. Their boasts are often exaggerations or outright lies.
- Narcissists’ bullying, threats, anger, and abuse.
They use intimidation and are verbally and sometimes physically dangerous to others. They seek to make others feel small because it makes them feel big.
- Smothering Narcissists become trapped.
They act with love and concern for others, yet they insist on the tyranny of sameness among those close to them. Instead of explicitly commanding family members or friends to perform certain behaviors, they use guilt-inducing tactics to keep others in check.
Stifling narcissists make everything about themselves.
- Know-it-all narcissists fear uncertainty or being wrong.
As a result, they have to feel confident in everything. They look at issues from a black and white perspective and do not like to be questioned or second guessed. They treat differences of opinion as threats.
- Two-faced narcissists are charming and generous at the beginning of a relationship or in public.
But when the relationship unfolds or behind closed doors, they become spiteful, self-absorbed, or rude. They easily betray others if it serves them. Their dual nature gives them cover. When challenged, they turn on the charm, point out their efforts as noble, or blame others.
- Narcissists who care about beauty see physical appearance as the highest measure of value.
They devote enormous time and resources to their appearance. They adore beautiful people.
As beauty-obsessed narcissists age, facing mortality and losing their youthful appearance becomes a bumpy road. To cope, they may deny aging, live in the past, or find a proxy such as an attractive grandson or granddaughter to live through.
- Seductive narcissists attract others with their sexuality, money, power, or other assets.
They promise it’s worth it to those they seduce, but they rarely deliver. They live to chase, and become bored with their prey once captured.
- Preaching narcissists seek gratification by telling others what to do and how to live.
They present their opinions with missionary zeal. They rarely listen and are constantly searching for an audience. They use emotional appeals and fear tactics to persuade and convert.
- Control Narcissists fear chaos or feeling out of control.
As a result, they obsessively seek to control events, their surroundings, and other people. They can be rigid and compulsive. They feel uncomfortable when things do not go as planned and feel angry if others challenge their control. They hate free spirits.
- Deprive narcissists of power and satisfaction by blocking them from others.
She can be stingy and cold. When they feel disappointed or dissatisfied, they withdraw, obstruct, or give the silent treatment to others.
- Chaotic narcissists cause chaos with an insane pace, lack attention to detail or consequences, or are susceptible to change.
By doing so, they attract attention, keep others off balance, and dance to their tune. Their restlessness and contradictions can be reckless.
- Passive narcissists can be gloomy and pessimistic.
They excel at saying no, ruining other people’s big moments, and bursting other people’s bubbles. They are miserable in their own skin, and get power from making others feel their pain.
