Dealing with a narcissist can be exhausting and emotionally draining. These individuals often use manipulation, deception, and control to get what they want. Understanding whether or not the narcissist has gained control over you or a situation can be crucial to reclaiming your power. Here are two simple ways to tell if the narcissist has won.
1. You Are Left Doubting Yourself and Your Worth
One of the most common signs that a narcissist has successfully manipulated you is if you find yourself in a constant state of self-doubt. Narcissists are skilled at gaslighting—making you question your own reality and perceptions. They may criticize you, undermine your decisions, or create scenarios where they always appear to be right and you feel constantly at fault.
If you’re left feeling worthless, confused, or like you’re always the problem, the narcissist has successfully shifted the power dynamic. They rely on making you feel small, so they can feel superior and in control.
Signs of self-doubt caused by a narcissist:
Constantly apologizing for things that aren’t your fault
Questioning your judgment, even in situations where you used to feel confident
Feeling guilty for setting healthy boundaries
Replaying their criticisms in your mind
Once they’ve planted the seed of doubt, it’s hard to break free, and the narcissist may intensify their behavior, pushing you deeper into this cycle. Recognizing this pattern is essential for regaining control.
2. Your Boundaries Have Disappeared
Another clear sign that the narcissist has won is when your personal boundaries begin to crumble. Narcissists often push limits, demanding more of your time, energy, and attention than is reasonable. They thrive on controlling their environment and the people within it, and boundaries are obstacles to that control.
When a narcissist wins, they manage to dismantle your boundaries entirely, leaving you feeling drained, used, or even trapped. You may notice that:
You’re always prioritizing their needs over your own
You feel guilty for saying “no” or expressing your desires
They become more intrusive, disregarding your emotional and physical space
You feel as though you’re losing your sense of self
Once your boundaries are weakened, the narcissist has free reign to dictate the relationship dynamic, whether in a romantic, familial, or professional context. They can exploit your emotional resources, knowing you won’t push back.
How to Take Back Control
If you recognize either (or both) of these signs, it’s time to take back control. Here are a few strategies to consider:
Re-establish Boundaries: Start by clearly defining your limits and communicate them firmly. Whether it’s reducing contact or asserting your needs, strong boundaries are crucial.
Rebuild Self-Esteem: Challenge the negative beliefs that the narcissist has instilled in you. Surround yourself with people who genuinely support you and validate your worth.
Seek Professional Help: Therapy or counseling can provide valuable insight into the patterns of narcissistic abuse and help you regain control over your life.
By understanding these two key indicators, you can better assess if a narcissist has gained control and take steps to protect yourself from further emotional harm.
