Are you drawn to narcissistic relationships with people who abuse you? The types of people who, when you try to assert yourself or raise issues about their behavior, react with abuse?
If so, it is important that you learn how to deal with a narcissist and prevent narcissistic abuse from happening to you.
#What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). According to the Mayo Clinic, “Narcissistic personality disorder — a type of personality disorder — is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. The fragile self that is vulnerable to the slightest criticism.
Related: The Biggest Tell Of A Narcissist, According To Research
Maybe you encountered a narcissistic friend, boss, or partner who adored you when you met all of their needs. Once the supply source stops, the narcissist will ignore you or devalue you. If you defend yourself in some way, you will get kidnapped.
The narcissist sees any form of self-expression that does not serve his needs as a threat to him. Once they feel attacked, they will fight to defend their interests and defeat anyone who gets in their way.
The narcissist sets out to destroy you to avoid his boastful shrinkage. They break down when they feel criticized or hurt by you. They may launch a ferocious smear campaign to rise above you.
If their narcissistic personality flaws are exposed, they will portray themselves as the victim to recruit others who can pick them up. They may turn their mother against you or get your friends or colleagues to side with them with gossip that distorts the truth, so they don’t look bad.
It is useless to try to reason with a narcissist because they feel that they are always right and will prove others wrong. Life is about winning and defeating others, so they don’t fail.
When life doesn’t live up to their high expectations, it causes them to break down and get hit hard, as they have no way to pick themselves up. They elevate themselves by scavenging for supplies and belittling those who doubt them.
Many people completely lose themselves when they buy into the grandiose illusion that narcissists portray, as part of a grandiose false self. Many feel betrayed, deceived, or deceived by the inauthentic narcissistic personality until their narcissistic personality is exposed.
What are the signs of narcissistic abuse in relationships?
Narcissists can only form relationships when they feel included with others who meet their needs, agree with them, or are on the same page with them. Their parents were not able to gradually shed their grandiosity so that they could realign their expectations according to reality, so they still expect a reflection or ideal supply.
They expect the world to revolve around them. Therefore, they lack a separate sense of self and feel disconnected when others do not engage with them. They will push to assimilate and squeeze for supplies to maintain their false self-esteem, exhausting those around them.
This may mean pressuring your partner to stay and telling them everything they want to hear to win them over. They cannot function as a whole person.
The struggle for a partner is when they express their separate views, causing a pumping break. Many are not allowed to have a mind of their own, because they feel they have to agree with the narcissist or be on the same page with them.
A narcissist suffers from a single-minded psychological state, where he believes that others share the same mind as him. What they see in others is often a reflection of themselves. They project unwanted parts of their minds onto others and believe that others act like them.
They believe that others are merciless or want to harm them. They believe that others are jealous of them or betraying them. They project their shortcomings and insecurities onto others. They are judgmental and harshly critical of others because, deep down, they are harshly critical of themselves.
They project important parts of themselves onto others and attack them for it, to feel good about themselves. As long as they find fault in others, they don’t have to face the self-critical part of themselves.
Once a narcissist feels hurt, they will become abusive – so it is important to know how to deal with narcissistic abuse to prevent harm.
The ideal way to deal with a narcissist is to not contact them, but this is not always possible. Therefore, having some understanding of them can help in dealing with their behavior.
This allows you to work for your children, perform at work, and stick together. Do not reveal your cards or weaknesses, because this gives them a taste for attachment to you. Instead, protect yourself and limit contact, if you can.
#Here are 19 ways to deal with narcissistic abuse in relationships.
- Be careful when exposing the narcissist’s behavior because he or she will likely view it as a threat to his or her greatness. They can’t hear anything when they view it as criticism. Instead, they will attack the infected source. Trying to reach them can be devastating.
- Extricate yourself from the abusive behavior.
- Don’t feel pressured to do things their way. Ask yourself, how does this affect me or my children?
- Don’t give up because you feel overwhelmed or drained. The more you give, the more you completely lose yourself.
- Avoid doing things if they conflict with your values.
- Be honest with yourself and see their behavior for what it is.
- When you raise issues, be aware that you may be causing the narcissist injury, making them feel inadequate or ashamed. Try to talk when things are quiet.
- Sometimes, communicating through emails or text messages can protect you from emotional abuse.
- If they devalue your feedback, they are likely scrambling to avoid feeling inadequate.
- Be careful with criticism that may not reflect your personality. Don’t take it personally, it often reflects how they feel deep down. Don’t allow them to make you doubt yourself.
- Try to express how you feel using “I” statements, not “you” statements that may make them feel blamed or judged. If they are less defensive, they are more likely to hear you. If they see you attacking their personality, they will become defensive and not listen to you.
- State facts and observations about their actual behavior rather than rating or judging the person’s personality. Be assertive rather than passive when addressing how their behavior affects you. Otherwise, your words will have no conviction.
- Don’t let them get away with addictions or relationships, because that will allow them to treat you that way. Be sensitive to their feelings, but let them know where you draw the line.
- If you want to raise an issue, it can be helpful to acknowledge their feelings or show that you understand their point of view, to get them excited about what you are about to say. This makes narcissists less resistant because they feel understood to some extent. This means integrating with them to some extent, not necessarily giving in to them, but showing that you are not against them.
- If you can focus on yourself and pay attention to your reactions, it will prevent you from reacting to them until you can better defuse the situation.
- When they come out loud by criticizing you or accusing you of things you didn’t do, help them see things from other perspectives.
- Tell them if you feel they have high expectations of themselves and expect the same of you, which will disappoint them.
- Learn not to take their criticism, but find ways to let them know that you understand how critical they feel deep down, so they can own that part of themselves.
- Listen to yourself and understand when you are being manipulated or controlled, so you can regain control of yourself.
These are basic guidelines on how to deal with narcissistic abuse, depending on how serious it is, so you can keep the abuse at bay when no contact with the narcissist can be achieved.
However, the malignant narcissist’s greatness is more difficult. If you are struggling to cope or feel afraid to express yourself, it is recommended to seek counseling to build ego strength to help recover from an abusive relationship with a narcissist and rebuild yourself.
After all, if you can’t work for yourself, this will limit your ability to be there for yourself and even your children. If narcissistic abuse prevails, no contact is the best way to deal with the narcissistic relationship.
