Are you drawn to narcissistic relationships with people who abuse you? The types of people who, when you try to assert yourself or raise issues with their behavior, react with abuse?
If so, it is important that you learn how to deal with a narcissist and prevent narcissistic abuse from happening to you.
What is a narcissist?
A narcissist is someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). According to the Mayo Clinic, “Narcissistic personality disorder—one type of personality disorder—is a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, disturbed relationships, and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of overconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that is vulnerable to the slightest criticism.”
Related: If You’re Kind & Caring, A Narcissist Sees You As Easy Prey (Here’s How To Save Yourself)
Maybe you encountered a narcissistic friend, boss, or partner who adored you when you met all of their needs. Once the supply source stops, the narcissist will ignore you or devalue you. If you defend yourself in some way, you will get kidnapped.
The narcissist sees any form of self-expression that does not serve his needs as a threat to him. Once they feel attacked, they will fight to defend their interests and defeat anyone who gets in their way.
The narcissist sets out to destroy you to avoid his own boastful shrinkage. They break down when they feel criticized or hurt by you. They may launch a ferocious smear campaign to rise above you.
If their narcissistic personality flaws are exposed, they will portray themselves as the victim in order to recruit others who can pick them up. They may turn their mother against you or get your friends or colleagues to side with them with gossip that distorts the truth, so they don’t look bad.
It is useless to try to reason with a narcissist because they feel they are always right and will prove others wrong. Life is about winning and defeating others, so they don’t fail.
When life doesn’t live up to their high expectations, it causes them to break down and get hit hard, as they have no way to pick themselves up. They elevate themselves by scavenging for supplies and belittling those who doubt them.
Many people completely lose themselves when they buy into the huge illusion that narcissists portray, as part of a grandiose false self. Many feel betrayed, deceived, or deceived by the inauthentic narcissistic personality, until their narcissistic personality is exposed.
What are the signs of narcissistic abuse in relationships?
Narcissists can only form relationships when they feel included with others who meet their needs, agree with them, or who are on the same page with them. Their parents were not able to gradually shed their grandiosity so that they could realign their expectations according to reality, so they still expect a reflection or ideal supply.
They expect the world to revolve around them. Therefore, they lack a separate sense of self and feel disconnected when others do not engage with them. They will push to assimilate and squeeze for supplies in order to maintain their false self-esteem, exhausting those around them.
This may mean pressuring your partner to stay and telling them everything they want to hear to win them over. They cannot function as a whole person.
The struggle for a partner is when they express their separate views, causing a pumping break. Many are not allowed to have a mind of their own, because they feel they have to agree with the narcissist or be on the same page with them.
A narcissist suffers from a single-minded psychological state, where he believes that others share the same mind as him. What they see in others is often a reflection of themselves. They project unwanted parts of their minds onto others and believe that others act like them.
They believe that others are merciless or want to harm them. They believe that others are jealous of them or betraying them. They project their own shortcomings and insecurities onto others. They are judgmental and harshly critical of others because, deep down, they are harshly critical of themselves.
They project important parts of themselves onto others and attack them for it, in order to feel good about themselves. As long as they find fault in others, they don’t have to face the self-critical part of themselves.
Once a narcissist feels hurt, they will become abusive – so it is important to know how to deal with narcissistic abuse in order to prevent harm.
The ideal way to deal with a narcissist is to not contact them, but this is not always possible. Therefore, having some understanding of them can help in dealing with their behavior.
Since the narcissist avoids feelings of inadequacy by criticizing others, it is helpful not to take his personal insults or belittlements too seriously. Otherwise it will lower your self-worth.
Related: 4 Common Phrases Narcissists Say To Win You Back
By understanding their deep feelings of inadequacy that lie behind the mask, you can protect yourself from a vicious attack. By placing your shortcomings on you, the problem is made out to be your fault.
This makes them feel good about themselves by making you doubt yourself, so they can stay on top. This means proving you wrong, so they can be right.
You will never win if you try to reason with a narcissist or confront their behavior, it will leave you feeling slaughtered because they cannot handle being exposed as imperfect. To avoid shame or humiliation, the narcissist will often use smear campaigns or belittle themselves to avoid feeling hurt.
