Manipulation can be trickier than you expect.
Unfortunately, it’s incredibly common.
One study found that nearly half of us have dealt with psychological aggression in a relationship.
That’s why we must pick up on the warning signs.
What are the red flags of manipulation? How should you deal with it?
let’s take a look…
1) Love bombing
Manipulation isn’t always mean, sometimes it’s incredibly charming.
As a clinical psychologist and author, Alexander Burgmeister points out:
Related : 7 early signs of a narcissistic partner (and what to do about it)
“Some common features of love bombing include providing an excessive amount of attention, admiration, and affection. The goal is to make the recipient feel dependent on and committed to the individual.
2) To be opportunistic
In essence, being opportunistic is not about respecting someone’s boundaries.
For example, instead of accepting a “no” as a “no,” they won’t let it drop.
They keep trying to convince you to change your mind. They are constantly trying to wear you down to get their way.
3) Not giving you time or space to think
Another form of opportunistic behavior that can put you under time pressure to make a decision.
For example, giving unreasonable deadlines or putting you in an awkward situation with ultimatums.
4) Mismatch of actions and words
As I said in the introduction, some manipulation can be subtle.
It may take some time to discover. But one of the early signs of a manipulator in a relationship is when his words and actions don’t match.
They make promises they don’t keep. They tell you they’re going to do something, but fail to follow through.
5) Guilt trips
Do you always end up feeling guilty or ashamed when you spend time with this person?
If you feel discomfort in your intestines, it may be a sign that something is wrong with you.
Feeling guilty and making someone record “what you owe them” is manipulation.
6) Gaslighting
As described in Psychology Today:
“Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, perception, and even reason.
No matter what happens, they manage to twist things so that they are not to blame.
They may try to convince you that you are acting “crazy” or paranoid.
Even when it seems clear that they are wrong, they talk to you in circles to convince you that you are the wrong person.
7) Behavior control
They try to decide things about your life.
This could be who you see, what you wear, where you go, how you spend your money, and what you do.
This is extreme manipulation known as coercive control and is illegal in many places around the world.
8) Emotional blackmail
“If you loved me, you would.”
Emotional blackmail uses your private feelings to penetrate and control you.
You may not always notice it, because it can be very sneaky.
For example, as therapist Erica Myers highlights:
“It may look like withholding affection, disappointment, or even a subtle change in body language.”
9) Isolating you from others
The more isolated we become, the more vulnerable we become.
This could be exactly what the manipulator wants. This way you depend on them to meet more of your emotional needs.
If they want you ‘for themselves’, consider whether they are cutting you off from family, friends, and other support networks.
10) Being passive aggressive
While anger and yelling are easily viewed as abuse, this can fly under the radar.
Passive aggression is when you indirectly express your negative feelings rather than addressing them openly.
For example, this might be through mean comments or withholding your affection as punishment.
Or it could be through the next manipulation tag on our list…
11) Sulking and the silent treatment
Technically, the silent treatment is a form of passive aggression.
However, it is a common manipulation technique and is worth noting.
It’s all about withholding attention as a way to make yourself feel bad.
It is manipulative because its real goal is to inflict pain and punishment.
12) Projecting their bad behavior onto you
This can be summarized by this classic example:
The cheating partner who accuses you of marital infidelity.
To distract from their mistakes, they project their mistakes and failures onto you.
13) Spreading rumors behind your back
Gossiping and talking dirty about people can be a way to control them.
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Especially if it makes you feel so bad that you end up going back to class instead of standing up to someone.
14) Playing the role of a martyr
They volunteer to help, but they’ll never let you forget it!
Seeming acts of self-sacrifice can be used to try to overpower you.
Even though the act of favor seems to be given for free, it is later used to try to make you feel bad or like you owe them in some way.
15) Insults, indirect compliments, and cruel “jokes.”
- I mean titles
- Making unkind comments
- Saying rude things while insisting it’s just a “joke”
Words can be incredibly painful.
This is why they can be easily used to manipulate and strip away self-esteem.
16) They are always the victim
You know what they say:
There are two sides to every story.
That’s why, if someone can always play the victim, no matter what, they may be manipulating you.
Instead of taking responsibility, they always blame you.
You feel like you’re always the one who should apologize, even when you’ve done nothing wrong.
17) They know how to push your buttons
…And they don’t hesitate to do so.
They may use your biggest fears against you. It’s as if they are deliberately trying to arouse you.
They co-opt your biggest fears or perceived flaws to stay in control.
18) Recruiting other people to increase pressure on them
Manipulators may not do all the dirty work themselves.
They may make other people try to convince you and persuade you as well.
You may feel nervous until you agree and come to terms with things.
How to deal with manipulative people
point it out
Here is the need:
Manipulation is always wrong.
However, the real truth is that many of us are probably guilty of some low-level manipulation from time to time.
Sometimes it happens without us fully realizing it. People can learn some unhealthy emotional habits.
For example, if your girlfriend or boyfriend is sulking with you and giving you the silent treatment after a fight.
Or your friend’s insistence on trying to get you to go out on a Friday night when you don’t want to starts to become an annoyance.
The first course of action when you encounter behavior that could be manipulative is to talk about it.
Calmly point out some unacceptable behavior, and tell someone why it doesn’t feel right.
Hopefully, they will then see the error of their ways. If not, you’ll need to step up your boundaries.
Prove your limits
How do you put skylights in their place?
Don’t be tempted to get sucked into more games. Never try to manipulate a manipulator to get over them.
Because in the end, doesn’t that make us as bad as them?
Limits are how we rise above them. Our boundaries are like our armor.
