Manipulation can be more deceiving than you expect.
And unfortunately, it’s incredibly common.
One survey found that almost half of us have dealt with psychological aggression in a relationship.
That’s why it’s really important that we pick up on the warning signs.
What are the red flags for tampering? And how do you deal with it?
lets take alook…
1) Love bombing
Manipulative isn’t always mean, and sometimes it’s incredibly charming.
Alexander Burgmeister, clinical psychologist and author points out:
Some common traits of a love blowout include providing an excessive amount of attention, admiration, and affection. The aim is to make the recipient feel dependent on and obligated to the individual.”
2) Urgency
In essence, being pushy doesn’t mean respecting someone’s boundaries.
For example, instead of accepting “no” as a “no,” they won’t let it go.
They keep trying to convince you to change your mind. They persistently try to wear you down to get their own way.
3) Not giving you time or space to think
Another form of pushy behavior that can put you under time pressure to make a decision.
For example, giving unreasonable deadlines or putting you on the spot with ultimatums.
4) Actions and words do not match
As I said in the introduction, some of the manipulation may be subtle.
It may take some time to identify it. But one of the first signs of a manipulator in a relationship is that his words and actions don’t match.
They make promises they don’t keep. They tell you they’re going to do something, but fail to follow through.
5) Guilt trips
Do you always end up feeling guilty or ashamed when you spend time with this person?
If you feel relief in your gut, that could indicate something to you.
Being guilt-ridden and having someone keep a “what you owe them” score is manipulative.
6) Gas lighting
As explained in Psychology Today:
“Victims of gaslighting are deliberately and systematically fed false information that leads them to question what they know to be true, often about themselves. They may end up doubting their memory, perception, and even their sanity.”
No matter what happens, they manage to twist things so that they become blameless.
They may try to convince you that you are acting crazy or paranoid.
Even when it seems obvious that they are wrong, they talk you in circles to convince you that you are the one in the wrong.
7) Behavior control
They try to decide things about your life.
This may be who you see, what you wear, where you go, how you spend your money, and what you do.
This is extreme manipulation known as coercive control, and in many places around the world is illegal.
8) Emotional blackmail
“If you really loved me, you would love me.”
Emotional blackmail uses your feelings to control you.
You may not always notice it, because it can be very sneaky.
For example, therapist Erica Myers highlights:
“It may appear as a withholding of emotion, disappointment, or even a slight shift in body language.”
9) Isolate you from others
The more isolated we become, the more vulnerable we become.
This could be exactly what the manipulator wants. This way you depend on them for your emotional needs.
If they want you “all to themselves,” consider whether they are cutting you off from family, friends, and other support networks.
10) Being passive aggressive
While getting angry and screaming is easily seen as offensive, this can fly under the radar.
Passive-aggressiveness is when you express negative feelings indirectly rather than addressing them openly.
For example, it may be through snide remarks or withholding your affection as punishment.
Or it could be through the next manipulation tag on our list…
11) Treat you and give you the silent treatment
Technically speaking, the silent treatment is a form of passive aggression.
However, it is a common manipulation technique that deserves a mention.
It’s all about withholding attention as a way of making you feel bad.
It is manipulative because its real goal is to inflict pain and punishment.
12) Project their bad behavior on you
This can be summed up by this classic example:
The cheating partner who accuses you of infidelity.
In order to distract from their mistakes, they project their mistakes and failures on you.
13) Spreading rumors behind your back
Gossiping and talking dirty about people can be a way to control them.
Especially if it makes you feel so bad that you end up falling in line instead of standing up to someone.
14) He played on the martyr
They volunteer to help, but they will never let you forget it!
An apparent act of self-sacrifice can be used to try to beat you.
Although the act of serving seems to be given for free, it is later used to try to make you feel bad or indebted to them in some way.
15) Greetings, backhanded compliments, and cruel “jokes.”
means surnames
Make unkind comments
Saying rude things but insisting it’s just a “joke”
Words can be incredibly painful.
This is why they can easily be used to manipulate and strip oneself of self-confidence.
16) They are always the victim
You know what they say:
There are two sides to every story.
This is why if someone always manages to play the victim, no matter what, they may be manipulating you.
Instead of taking responsibility, they always blame you.
You feel like you’re always the one who has to apologize, even when you didn’t do anything wrong.
17) They know how to push buttons
…and they don’t hesitate to do so.
They may use your biggest fears against you. It is as if they are intentionally trying to provoke you.
They choose your biggest fears or perceived flaws in order to stay in control.
18) Recruit others to pile on the pressure
Manipulators may not do all the dirty work themselves.
They may also make others try to push and persuade you.
You may feel collected until you agree and agree to things.
Words can be incredibly painful.
This is why they can easily be used to manipulate and strip oneself of self-confidence.
16) They are always the victim
You know what they say:
There are two sides to every story.
This is why if someone always manages to play the victim, no matter what, they may be manipulating you.
Instead of taking responsibility, they always blame you.
You feel like you’re always the one who has to apologize, even when you didn’t do anything wrong.
17) They know how to push buttons
…and they don’t hesitate to do so.
They may use your biggest fears against you. It is as if they are intentionally trying to provoke you.
They choose your biggest fears or perceived flaws in order to stay in control.
18) Recruit others to pile on the pressure
Manipulators may not do all the dirty work themselves.
They may also make others try to push and persuade you.
You may feel collected until you agree and agree to things.
Don’t be attracted to more games. Never try to manipulate a manipulator to get one of them.
Because at the end of the day, doesn’t that make us just as bad as them?
Boundaries are how we rise above them. Our borders are like our shield.
With firm enough boundaries, it’s much more difficult to fall into the trap of manipulation.
This is because you know where to draw the line, and not allow others to cross it.
It is a really useful exercise for everyone to get crystal clear boundaries.
Literally, write it down.
See them as the bases of your club.
What is unacceptable behavior?
How would you expect people to act if they wanted to be in your life?
What are the consequences when someone crosses your boundaries?
If anyone can’t abide by your rules, they can’t be in your club.
Be clear about how you feel
When you’re dealing with manipulation, it can be very confusing.
You may start second-guessing yourself, or ignore your feelings.
You may be asking yourself, “Am I overreacting?”
But it’s important to get in touch with how you feel about this manipulation.
You can do this by journaling to express the feelings that come to your mind. and by talking to someone you trust (such as a friend or family member).
Acknowledging your feelings will:
It helps you process your feelings instead of pushing them away
Reassure you that your feelings are justified
Give you the fuel to do something about it, rather than the temptation to explain it away or justify it
Create some distance
Manipulation can lead to toxic relationships.
Healthy relationships depend on respect, affection, and mutual cooperation to function smoothly.
If you have a connection with someone who feels manipulative, you may need to put some distance between you—or even cut it off entirely.
What happens when you ignore a manipulator? You take their power over you.
As sad as we can be, the truth is that sometimes the best thing we can do to protect ourselves is to simply walk away.
Of course, I know that is often easier said than done.
But it’s about showing yourself the love and care you deserve.
Gaining some space and distancing from them will also help you see things more clearly and gain a better perspective.
Ask for help and support
Don’t underestimate:
Manipulation can very quickly become a form of abuse.
In fact, one study found that emotional abuse may be just as harmful as physical abuse.
Research shows that exposure can lead to low self-esteem, anxiety, stress, depression, and withdrawal.
So you may need some help breaking free from manipulation. If this is the case, it is imperative that you tell someone what is going on.
