Living with a dysfunctional family can be very stressful and can undoubtedly leave you feeling mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. Read on for the signs of a dysfunctional family.

With increasing conflict in the family which may lead to abuse, it becomes imperative that you learn to avoid conflict, set boundaries, and deal effectively with your family. The best place to start is by focusing on your mental and emotional well-being and standing up for your rights.

“Toxic relationships don’t just make us unhappy; they corrupt our attitudes and behaviors in ways that undermine our healthy relationships and prevent us from realizing how much better things could be.” – Michael Josephson

The perfect family consists of a group of people we can count on, people who love us, nourish us and care for us, people who provide guidance and support through our lives, and people we trust.

The family is the most important influence in a young child’s life. We usually think of family as blood relatives but unfortunately not all blood relatives have our best interests at heart. Some of the most toxic people we know may share the same DNA.

A dysfunctional family background often leads a child to believe that their opinions, needs, and desires are unimportant and meaningless. As he matures, he often lacks confidence with low feelings of self-esteem. Depression and anxiety are common. Adult children from narcissistic families need support to make them understand that they are not enough and to help them develop healthy self-esteem and build strong, healthy relationships.

Neglect and abuse in a toxic family are often a daily occurrence. This family may look good on the outside but it’s a different story for those who live within this dysfunctional family dynamic. Everything revolves around an image.

The narcissistic parent is likely to put on a show in public and be seen as generous, personable, and charming while behind closed doors they are abusive and controlling.

A home in which abuse takes place, whether mental or physical, will never be a home. Talking about their issues is forbidden. (Let’s just pretend everything is perfect.) Family members who feed on drama, negativity, jealousy, criticism, and shaming will never make a child feel good about themselves.

Read : 6 Early Red Flags Of A Toxic Relationship

Children from narcissistic families rarely grow up to be close to their brothers and sisters later in life. They were often pitted against each other in their childhood. Unless the child occupies the position of “golden child” within the family unit, he will be seen and not heard, blamed, or shamed. Nothing they do will ever be good enough and they soon learn that their value depends on their accomplishments, on how they can make the family look good, and not on who they are.

Signs that you are dealing with dysfunctional family members

Signs of dysfunctional family information

1. They are verbally or physically abusive.
2. They make you feel like you can never do or say anything right.
3. They put the spotlight on you. (Sometimes described as “psychological warfare” gaslighting is an insidious process of mind games that occurs over a period which causes the gassed to question their sanity and/or reality unable to trust their judgments.)
4. Lack of empathy.
5. They play the victim of the circumstances they create.
6. You feel uncomfortable when they are around.
7. They put you down more than they lift you up.
8. They use personal information against you. (Information you gave them in secret).
9. They try to control you.
10. It’s judgmental. (Justified criticism is healthy but constant criticism will destroy anyone’s self-esteem.)
11. You feel like walking on eggshells so as not to disturb them.
12. They have anger issues. (Explosive rage.)
13. They exhibit passive-aggressive behavior. (Invoking the silent treatment for some perceived slight will create tension and uncertainty.)
14. There are endless and unnecessary arguments. (Disputes are normal. Frequent provocation and initiation of arguments are not).
15. They try to isolate you from your other friends or family members. (Once isolated, it becomes easier to control with no one to turn to but the abuser.)
16. This person uses manipulative tactics for personal gain. (exercises unscrupulous control or influence and emotional exploitation over another person).
17. They spread malicious gossip. (They turn people against each other and create jealousy and disharmony).
18. They make you unhappy and feel bad about yourself. (You may be convinced that there is something wrong with you and that everything that is happening is your fault.)

How do you deal with a dysfunctional family?

“Some of the most intoxicated people disguise themselves as friends and family.” – unknown

The worst thing you can do is do nothing. By doing nothing, you are giving them the impression that their behavior is okay. Your mental and physical health may be affected as a result. Stop giving up a part of yourself to keep the peace and please someone who is impossible to please.

Behavior like the above behavior will drain you emotionally. The thing I hear a lot is, “I wish I had done something sooner,” and “If I only knew this wasn’t normal. I thought all families were like this and blamed myself.” For your good, set boundaries. Sooner rather than later. You teach people how to treat you by setting healthy boundaries.

Read : Responding To A Narcissist’s Silent Treatment
Your boundaries are a set of boundaries or rules where you decide what is acceptable and what is not. It will vary from person to person. Normal, healthy people know not to cross the line and should have a reasonable idea not to intrude. On the other hand, a narcissistic personality will never respect the boundaries you set.

They have an extraordinary talent for pushing people to their limits for their amusement, to create friction or drama, or to test you. Setting boundaries with a narcissist will not be a one-time thing. Expect it to be something you have to deal with over and over again. Express your desires firmly and directly and don’t let them push your buttons.

Be firm and let them have no doubts that you mean what you mean

Healthy boundaries include “alone time” and time to spend as you see fit. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for setting standards. If they get mad at you for setting standards, they aren’t giving you the respect you deserve. They are the ones with the problem, not you.

Some people will never respect the boundaries you set and won’t change their behavior. If they don’t respect your boundaries, you may need to examine what position this person will play in your life. You may find that you need to create distance between yourself and your family members. You are not selfish or demanding, you simply practice healthy self-care. Not every toxic person needs to be banished from your life, but unfortunately, sometimes, someone may be just too toxic to you to justify keeping them around.

You cannot change the past but you can control your future. It is not easy to distance yourself from family but sometimes that is the only and necessary answer. The key is in intention. You are not doing this to intentionally hurt or punish someone but to protect yourself so let go of the guilt.

When you cut toxic people out of your life, they often turn the story around and blame you for the struggle. No matter how difficult it is, ignore their behavior. It is best to avoid those people who believe their lies and make judgments without evidence.

Never compromise your emotional and physical health by tolerating disrespect and abuse from a dysfunctional family member. Sharing the same ancestry simply means you are related but it does not make you family, love does.

Read : Why Do We Love Difficult Partners? A Spiritual Approach

“Until you let go of all the toxic people in your life, you will never be able to grow to your full potential. Let them go so you can grow.” – DLQ

Dealing with a dysfunctional family can be challenging at times, especially if you are an adult. After all, it’s your family. Having a dysfunctional family often cuts you to your core because you feel the pain on a much deeper level. Thus, it is important that you focus on healing yourself and your general well-being, first and foremost. Family can hurt us. But you don’t need to be a silent victim. You can stand up and take charge of your life and say no to all negativity and toxicity. Start by setting boundaries and loving yourself with all your heart.