My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and it broke my heart.
They say love is blind. My trust in him blinded me to some of the more obvious signs of his infidelity. And looking back, there were clues.
If you think he might be cheating on you with his ex, you need to watch out for the red flags that indicate that he is a) cheating on you and b) not over his ex.
These two things together are what give you the signs he is cheating on his ex.
18 Signs He’s Cheating on His Ex
1) You’re Starting to Notice That Your Relationship Has Changed
What are the first signs of infidelity? They’re often subtle. You may not even be able to pinpoint them, but something isn’t quite the same. There’s been a noticeable shift in the relationship.
It could be that you two don’t feel as close as you once did. There’s a bit of the magic missing. You don’t laugh and joke around like you did in the early days. You argue about stupid things.
Or you might feel like the change has come from him. Maybe he doesn’t seem as happy as he used to be. He may suddenly be overly critical of you. Sometimes you may feel like he’s acting like a different person.
Of course, couples go through rough patches or breakups. That in and of itself doesn’t mean he’s cheating.
But this kind of crack in a relationship could also be a sign that someone else is on the scene.
2) They’ve Been Hanging Out All Of A Sudden
Let’s face it. No one likes an ex who’s still hanging out with them. Even if they say they’re just good friends, that’s not a nice feeling.
If they broke up years ago and have been friends ever since it probably doesn’t matter (even if you don’t like it). Especially if they weren’t exactly close friends and only see each other occasionally or stay in touch on social media.
But if he suddenly rekindles that friendship and starts hanging out with her again, it’s understandable to be suspicious.
It’s not that you can’t be friends with your ex. It’s just that there are certain boundaries that you shouldn’t cross out of respect for your new partner.
This includes going to her house, going on trips together, or meeting up regularly.
Spending too much time with your ex can cause problems in your current relationship. Your boyfriend should realize that being close to her can make you feel jealous and insecure.
If he’s still friends with her and it bothers you, you should talk to him about it. As your husband, he should always consider your feelings.
If he’s not ready to do that, is it any wonder that you’re starting to think that there’s no smoke without fire and that there must be something going on between them?
3) A professional coach confirms the signs
This article will give you a good idea of whether or not he’s cheating on you with his ex, but no two situations are the same.
That’s why you should talk to a relationship coach if you want to know the truth.
Relationship Hero is a site with professional relationship coaches who are experts at recognizing the signs of infidelity – especially when it comes to cheating with an ex.
Instead of constantly worrying about him or trying to catch evidence that he’s cheating, why not get the answers you’re looking for right now?
A coach will be able to analyze your relationship and all the suspicious signs that have come up, either confirming your worst fears or reassuring you that you’ve made the wrong choice.
Either way – living in fear and waiting for him to confess is not the answer.
Take the free test and get a coach today.
Just think, in a few hours you might get the confirmation you need to move on with your life!
4) He starts spending a lot of time away from home
When was the last time you saw him? Has he gotten busier lately? Has he started working late more often? Does he tell you where he’s going? Or does he sometimes disappear and you’re not sure who he’s with or what he’s doing?
He might be constantly late or never home when you call him.
Not caring about the hours is a classic sign of cheating. And it makes sense. If he’s seeing his ex, he has to find the time (and excuse) to do it.
If he’s always working late, he might be seeing her at night. If he disappears for long periods, he might be having secret meetings with his ex.
Either way, it’s a sign that things aren’t quite right. And if he’s lying about where he’s going and why, you know something’s up.
5) He’s Always Talking About Her
You might think that talking about her all the time seems like a surefire way to expose him if he’s cheating. But the funny thing is, when we love someone, we end up talking about them a lot without even noticing.
They’re on your mind, you see them a lot, so you bring them up in conversation. One clear sign that my ex was cheating on me is that he never shut up about it.
Her name found its way into the stories he was telling, and the seemingly insignificant conversations we were having.
His talking about her a lot reflects his interest in her. You know when your boyfriend has a crush on a girl and always finds a way to bring her up? It’s kind of like that.
While it may not indicate a full-blown relationship, bringing her up all the time is at least a worrying sign that he hasn’t gotten over his ex.
6) He’s Acting Distant or Cold Towards You
Cheating guys tend to start acting differently around their partners. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to how he treats you.
He’s moody and withdrawn. He ignores you. He acts distant. He avoids eye contact.
One way that guys tend to change when they cheat is by pulling away. Are you suddenly being ignored? Have you noticed that he doesn’t seem as interested in you as he used to?
Acting colder could be a sign that he’s withdrawing emotionally from the relationship. It could also be a way for him to hide from you and deal with guilt.
7) He’s comparing you to your partner
Comparing your current partner to your ex is a no-no. This includes comparing either you or your relationship in general.
If he starts doing this, you need to stop him. And if he continues after you’ve told him to stop, that’s a big red flag. This is because it shows that he still cares about his ex and hasn’t moved on.
Even when it’s not necessarily a compliment to her. It’s still not cool.
Why? Because the reality is that if he’s comparing you to her, he’s probably still thinking about her, even if he says otherwise.
While it’s normal for his ex to pop up in his head now and then, comparing you to her suggests that he’s thinking about her more than he should.
The fact that he might even think about comparing you to her means that he’s still interested in her and maybe holding a torch for their relationship.
8) He’s Secretive About His Phone
Men who do the dirty are extra careful with their phones. And for good reason. Most relationships are discovered through technology these days.
A survey found that texting is the most common way to discover relationships. More specifically, men are caught sending sexy messages or photos to their mistresses.
If he’s been more careful with his phone lately, you might suspect something he doesn’t want you to see. So pay attention to any changes in his behavior around his phone.
He might be making sure his phone is upside down on the table lately when he never used to. Maybe he changed his phone password when you knew it, to keep you from accessing it. Or he might spend a lot of time glued to his phone, texting, but ignoring or avoiding who he’s talking to.
You might also know that he and his ex have been texting a lot lately, but he swears it’s all innocent.
9) He has a history of cheating
They say that cheating is forever cheating. But is that fair? Of course, people can change. And we all make mistakes.
However, there’s evidence that men who have a long history of cheating in their relationships are more likely to repeat that past behavior.
One study found that people who cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to cheat in their second relationship than people who didn’t cheat.
If he’s known to be a player, if he’s cheated on you before, or if your relationship started as a cheating relationship—these are risk factors for future cheating.
If he cheated on you, it’s reasonable to assume that he wouldn’t think twice about doing the same to you, either.
10) He didn’t want to break up with her
How do you know he’s not over his ex?
Well, if they were in a nightmare relationship and he was relieved to get out of it, why would he want to get back with his ex? But if he loved her, and she broke his heart, he may still have feelings for her.
RELATED:14 blatant signs a married man is using you (and what to do next)
On its own, the fact that she left him doesn’t mean much. But when combined with other suspicions, it becomes even more significant.
This means that he didn’t forget the relationship when they broke up. He wasn’t the one who wanted to move on from her.
If he still has feelings for her, and she’s still in his life, this could make him more open to cheating.
11) You have a strong gut feeling
Intuition shouldn’t be confused with insanity. The two are completely different. But sometimes you have a gut feeling that he’s cheating on you but without proof.
Your gut feeling is that your subconscious mind picks up on a lot of subtle cues and bits of information behind the scenes. So even when there’s nothing tangible that you can point to, you still have a strong feeling that he’s planning something bad
On the other hand, you’re more likely to be paranoid when you’re needy, insecure, and jealous. It can take a good dose of self-awareness to know the difference.
But if you’re not the jealous type and haven’t had issues with insecurity in a relationship before, it’s likely your gut instinct that’s giving you this information.
You may have tried telling yourself that you’re being a jerk, but you still can’t shake the feeling.
Don’t ignore this feeling. It’s telling you that things aren’t okay and that you should at least talk to your boyfriend about it.
Healthy relationships are built on good communication. You should be able to talk openly about the issues you’re having.
12) He Lies About Something Small
This isn’t necessarily a warning sign, but it can be.
Lying is a sign of deception. The problem is that many people tell innocent “white lies” to their partners. Usually to keep the peace or get out of trouble.
But small lies can also be hiding much bigger lies.
He may be secretive about where he goes. If he lies about something as small as where he went last night, it could mean he’s hiding something bigger. For example, he may not want you to know what he was doing because he was with someone else — or his ex.
Maybe he lies about something as small as how much money he spent on dinner. But again, why? Is there something else going on?
The problem with lying is that it takes away trust. He’s not telling you everything. He’s been keeping secrets from you. And without trust, it’s hard to have an open, secure relationship.
13) You know she wants him back
Maybe she’s been upfront enough to tell you, or maybe she’s heard it from someone else, or maybe it’s just plain obvious from her behavior.
She wants him back, and she’s trying to get him back. That doesn’t mean he’s going to give in and give her what she wants.
But if she wants him back and he’s giving her hope — by talking to her or hanging out with her — then you need to ask him what his motivations are.
Is he open to getting back together? Or is he letting his ego play out?
The sad truth is that the opportunity to cheat is often cited as one of the main reasons men decide to cheat.
As Fatherly notes:
“Men are more prone to casual, opportunistic cheating, which plays a big role in why they find out. For some men, cheating is a sign of recklessness.”
There’s no denying that some men, when presented with something on a silver platter, are more likely to stray.
14) They’ve recently broken up
It takes time to get over someone. The less time that has passed since they broke up with her and then got back together, the less likely he is to have enough space to heal and move on.
Some men jump into something new right away to avoid dealing with the grief of a breakup. But their lives are still intertwined with their ex and they haven’t gotten over it yet.
It can take a while for you to slowly realize that you’re the woman who got back together or “the other woman.”
He may swear he’s over it, but as time goes on he starts to get closer to his ex and you start to suspect that there’s some serious unfinished business between them.
But if you’re not sure, it’s best to talk to someone – a relationship coach.
I mentioned Relationship Hero earlier, a site that has helped thousands of people get their relationships back on track.
If you’re worried that he’s cheating on his ex and that you’re just a woman who’s gotten back together, the coaches there can help you first, recognize the signs, and secondly, deal with it.
Don’t struggle with this alone – help is out there, just take that first step.
Click here to get matched with the right coach for you.
15) He’s Losing Interest in Sex
How to Tell if He’s Secretly Cheating on You? Many women who cheat on their partners notice a change in the bedroom.
He may seem less interested in sex. He may make excuses about why he doesn’t want to have sex. And physical intimacy may slowly dry up.
When you try to talk to him about it, he either ignores your concerns or gets angry.
This isn’t always a clear sign that he’s seeing someone else. Sometimes it’s just a side effect of a long-term relationship.
However, if he suddenly loses interest in sex, it might be worth checking to see if there’s another reason. Especially when his ex comes back into the picture.
16) He’s Becoming Irritable and Quick to Anger.
Relationships aren’t always a bed of roses and real-life stresses can create tension at home from time to time.
If he’s dealing with stress, being a little moody isn’t a big deal. But if there’s no obvious reason for it, or if it happens frequently, it’s a bad sign in any relationship.
Some guys who cheat try to push you away by acting angry. This isn’t always conscious.
It may not mean cheating, but it indicates tensions in the relationship.
17) He refuses to talk about her
Just as it’s always the case with talking about his ex, it’s also suspicious if he completely refuses to discuss her at all.
Both parties are signs of unresolved feelings.
If he’s still seeing her but completely avoids discussing her, it could be because he’s hiding something from you. If he says “it’s private,” he may have something to hide.
Most guys don’t want to casually chat about their exes with their new girlfriends. Especially if he’s not in contact with her. He may prefer to keep his distance.
But bringing her up shouldn’t be a big deal either. If he won’t even acknowledge her existence, that’s weird.
You might be wondering why he’s so tight-lipped. Is it because she’s a threat to his current relationship?
18) He prioritizes her
The rules are simple. Your current partner comes before your ex. He should be your number one priority, and if he’s not, something is going on.
You need to ask yourself if he’s making her a priority over you.
If he’s spending time with her and neglecting you, that’s a huge flashing red flag and you need to pay attention to it ASAP. Even constantly defending her can make you feel betrayed.
It doesn’t matter if they’re “just friends.” If he runs away every time you call, it’s okay to put up with it.
In Conclusion: If You’re Worried He’s Cheating on His Ex
You should now have a better idea of whether he’s cheating on his ex. You may still be unsure, but you know that something isn’t right between you too, and you’re afraid he’ll walk away.
No matter how you feel, the best course of action is to talk to a professional.
A lot of people don’t realize this, but a relationship needs expert attention, just like a car breaks down, or when you’re feeling sick and seeking medical advice.
Speaking to a Relationship Hero coach can be the difference between a breakup or getting to the bottom of what’s going on. Is he cheating on you with his ex, or are the signs mixed with another underlying issue?
Before you make any rash decisions, find out what your coach advises and go from there. If your relationship is worth fighting for, you’d want to know, right?
