My boyfriend cheated on me with his ex and broke my heart.

They say love is blind. My trust in him made me blind to some of the more obvious signs of his betrayal. Looking back there was certainly evidence.

If you think he might be cheating on you with his ex, you need to watch out for red flags that indicate he is a) having an affair and b) not over his ex.

Related : The emotional toll of dating a narcissist: What you need to know

These two things combined are what show you the signs he is cheating on his ex.

18 Signs he is cheating on his ex

1) You start to notice that your relationship has changed
What are the first signs of cheating? It’s often subtle. You may not even be able to put your finger on it, but it’s not the same. There has been a noticeable shift in the relationship.

Maybe you two don’t feel as close as you used to. There’s a little magic missing. You don’t laugh and joke like in the early days. You argue more about stupid things.

Or you may feel that change has come from him. Maybe he doesn’t seem happy anymore. Maybe he suddenly became very critical of you. Sometimes it might seem as if he was acting like a different person.

Of course, couples go through difficult periods or grow apart. This in itself certainly does not mean that he is cheating.

But these types of cracks in a relationship can also indicate the presence of someone else on the scene.

2) They were suddenly hanging out
Let’s face it. No one likes an ex who’s still hanging around. Even if he says they’re just good friends, it’s not a nice feeling.

If they broke up years ago and have been friends ever since it probably won’t be a big deal (even if you don’t like it). Especially if they are not best friends and only see each other occasionally or keep in touch via social media.

But if he suddenly rekindles this friendship and starts hanging out with her in person again, it’s understandable for you to be skeptical.

It doesn’t mean you can’t be friends with an ex. What’s more, out of respect for your new partner, there is a certain line you shouldn’t cross.

This includes going to her house, taking trips together, or meeting regularly face to face.

Spending too much time with your ex is bound to cause problems in your current relationship. Your man should realize that getting close to her may leave you feeling jealous and insecure.

If he’s still friends with her and it’s bothering you, you should talk to him about it. As your man, he should always consider your feelings.

If he’s not ready to do that, is it any wonder you start thinking that there’s no smoke without fire and something is going on in between?

3) A professional trainer confirms the signals
This article will give you a good idea of whether or not he’s cheating on his ex, but no two situations are the same.

That’s why you should talk to a relationship coach if you want to know the truth.

Relationship Hero is a site with highly trained professional relationship coaches who are experts at recognizing the signs of infidelity – especially when cheating on an ex.
Instead of constantly worrying about him or trying to pick up the clues he’s messing with, why not get the answers you’re looking for now?

A coach will be able to analyze your relationship and all the elusive signs that have cropped up, to either confirm your worst fears or reassure you that you’ve got it all wrong.

In either case – living in fear and waiting for recognition is not the solution.

Take the free quiz and connect with a coach today.

Just think, in just a few hours, you could get the confirmation you need to finally move on with your life!

4) He starts spending a lot of time away from home
When was the last time you saw him? Is he busier lately? Did you start work too late? Does he tell you where he’s going? Or does he sometimes fly off the radar and you’re not sure who he is with or what he’s doing?

Maybe he’s always late or never comes home when you call him.

Unaccounted hours are a classic sign of cheating. It seems reasonable. If he’s seeing his ex, he needs to find the time (and excuses) to do so.

If he always works late hours, he might see her at night. If he disappears for long periods, he is probably having secret meetings with his ex.

Either way, it’s a sign that things aren’t quite right. And if he’s lying about where he’s going and why, you know there’s something fishy going on.

5) He always talks about it
You might think that talking about it all the time seems like a surefire way to blow his cover if he’s having an affair. But here’s the funny thing, when we love someone, we end up talking about them a lot without even noticing.

They’re on your mind, you see them often, so you bring them up in conversation. One clear sign that my ex was having an affair is that he never shuts up about it.

Her name found its way into the stories he told, and the seemingly insignificant conversations we had.

His talking about her so much reflects his interest in her. You know when a friend has a crush on them and always finds a way to raise them? It’s a bit like that.

Although it may not indicate a full-fledged affair, bringing him up all the time is at least a worrying sign that he’s not over his ex.

6) He has been acting distant or cold towards you
Cheating men tend to start behaving differently with their partners. That’s why it’s important to pay attention to how he treats you.

He is moody and withdrawn. Gives you the cold shoulder. Acting away. Avoids eye contact.

One way men tend to change when they have an affair is to withdraw. Are you suddenly being ignored? Have you noticed that he doesn’t seem as interested in you as he used to?

Acting colder may be a sign that he is emotionally withdrawing from the relationship. It may also be a way to hide from you and deal with guilt.

7) He compares you two
Comparing your current partner to your ex is a no, no. This includes comparing you and your relationship in general.

If he starts doing this, you have to stop him. And if he continues after you’ve asked him to stop, that’s a big warning sign. This is because it shows that he still cares about his ex-wife and has not moved on.

Even when it’s not necessarily a compliment to her. It’s still not great.

Why? Because the truth is, if he compares you to her, he’s probably still thinking about her, even though he says otherwise.

While it’s normal for your ex to come to mind now and then, the comparison to you indicates that he’s thinking about her more than he should.

Related : 18 warning signs you’re dealing with a manipulator (and how to respond)

The fact that he would even consider comparing you two means he’s still invested in her and will likely carry a torch for their relationship.

8) It’s a secret on his phone
Men who do dirty things are more careful on their phones. And for very good reason. Most affairs are discovered through technology these days.

A survey found that texts are the most popular way to find out about affairs. More specifically, men are drawn to sending sexy messages or photos to their lovers.

If he’s been more protective on his phone lately, you might suspect there’s something he doesn’t want you to see. So pay attention to any changes in his behavior around his phone.

Maybe he always makes sure to put his phone on the table lately, whereas he hasn’t used to do that before. He may have changed his phone password when you knew it, to prevent you from accessing it. Or he could spend a lot of time glued to text messages on his phone but is dismissive or evasive about who to talk to.

9) He has a history of cheating
They say once a cheater, always a cheater. But is this fair? Of course, people can change. We all make mistakes.

However, there is evidence that men who have a long history of infidelity in their relationships are more likely to repeat this past behavior.

One study found that people who cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to cheat in their second relationship than people who didn’t cheat.

If he’s known to be a player, if he’s been unfaithful to you before, or if your relationship started as an affair – these are risk factors for future infidelity.

If he cheated on her with you, it’s fair to assume that he wouldn’t think twice about doing the same to you too.

10) He did not want to break up with her
How do you know he’s not over his ex?

Well, if they had a nightmare relationship that he was relieved to be out of, why would he want to go back to his ex? But if he was passionate about her, and she broke his heart, he could still have feelings for her.

In itself, the fact that she dumped him means very little. But if combined with other suspicions, it becomes more important.
This means that he was not over the relationship when they broke up. He wasn’t the one who wanted to move on from her.

If he still has feelings for her, and she’s still in his life, it could make him more vulnerable to cheating.

11) You have a strong intuitive feeling
Intuition should not be confused with paranoia. The two are very different. But sometimes you have a gut feeling that he is cheating on you but there is no proof.

Your gut feeling is that your subconscious mind is picking up on a lot of subtle signals and information behind the scenes. So, even when there’s nothing concrete you can point to, you still have a strong feeling that he’s up to no good.

On the other hand, paranoia is more likely when you are needy, insecure, and jealous. It may take a good dose of self-awareness to know the difference.

But if you’re not the jealous type and haven’t had any problems with insecurity in a relationship before, it’s likely your intuition that’s giving you this information.

You may have tried telling yourself that you’re just being silly, but you still can’t shake it.

Don’t ignore this feeling. It’s telling you that things aren’t okay, and you at least need to talk about it with your friend.

Healthy relationships are built on good communication. You should be able to talk openly about the problems you are having.

12) He lies about something small
This isn’t necessarily a red flag, but it may be.

Lying is a sign of deception. The problem is that many people tell innocent “white lies” to their partners. Usually to keep the peace or stay out of trouble.

But little lies can also hide much bigger lies.

He may be reticent about where he goes. If he lies about something as small as where he went last night, it could mean he’s hiding something bigger. For example, he may not want you to know what he was doing because he was with someone else, also known as his ex.

Maybe he was lying about something as trivial as how much money he spent on dinner. But again, why? Is there something else going on behind this?

The problem with lying is that it steals trust. It doesn’t tell you everything. He was keeping secrets from you. Without trust, you find it difficult to create an open and safe relationship.
13) You know she wants him back
Maybe she was honest enough to tell you that, or maybe she heard it from someone else, or maybe her behavior was just too obvious.

She wants him back, and she’s playing for him. This doesn’t mean he’ll give in and give her what she wants.

But if she wants him back and he’s giving her hope – by talking to her or hanging out with her – then you need to ask what his motives are.

Is he open to getting back together with her? Or is he just allowing himself to be flattered?

The sad truth is that having the opportunity to cheat is often cited as one of the main reasons men decide to have affairs.

As the father notes:

“Men are more susceptible to casual and opportunistic cheating, which plays a big role in why they get caught. Infidelity among some men is evidence of recklessness.”

There’s no denying that for some men, offering them something on a plate makes them more vulnerable to deviance.

14) They only recently broke up
It takes time to get over someone. The less time has passed since he broke up with her and then got back together with you, the less likely he will have enough space to heal and move on.

Some men jump into something new right away to avoid dealing with the grief of a breakup. But their lives are still intertwined with their ex-partner and they are not over yet.

It may take some time to slowly realize that you are a rebound or “the other woman.”

He may swear he’s over it, but as time goes by he begins to grow closer to his ex and begins to suspect that there’s some serious unfinished business between them.
But if you’re not sure, it’s best to talk to someone – a relationship coach.

I mentioned Relationship Hero earlier, it’s a site that has helped thousands of people get their relationships back on track.

And if you’re worried he’s cheating on his ex and you’re nothing more than a rebound, the coaches there can help you first recognize the signs, and second work through them.

Don’t struggle through this alone – help is out there, you just need to take that first step.

Click here to be matched with the right coach for you.

15) He lost interest in sex
How do you know he is secretly cheating on you? Many women whose partners are having an affair notice a change in the bedroom.

He may seem less interested in having sex. He may make excuses about why he doesn’t want to be intimate. Physical affection would have slowly dried up.

When you try to talk to him about it, he either dismisses your concerns or gets angry.

This is not always a clear indicator that he is seeing someone else. Sometimes it’s just a side effect of being in a long-term relationship.

However, if interest in sex is suddenly lost, it may be worth checking if there is another reason. Especially when his ex returns to the scene.

16) He becomes irritable and quick to anger.
Relationships aren’t always a bed of roses, and real-life pressures can create tension at home now and then.

If he’s dealing with stress, being a little moody isn’t suspicious. But if there is no obvious reason for this, or if it happens often, it is a bad sign in any relationship.

When men cheat on you, they try to push you away by acting angry. It’s not always conscious.

This may not mean cheating, but it indicates tension in the relationship.

17) He refuses to talk about it
Just as he always talks about his ex, it’s also awkward when he flat-out refuses to discuss it at all.

Both of these extremes indicate unresolved feelings.

If he still sees it but avoids discussing it altogether, it may be because he’s hiding something from you. If he says “it’s private,” he might have something to hide.

Most guys don’t want to casually talk about their ex with their new girl. Especially if he is not in contact with her. He may prefer to keep his distance.

But it shouldn’t be a big deal to mention. If he doesn’t even acknowledge its existence, it’s strange.

You may ask yourself why it is so secret. Is it because she poses a threat to his current relationship?

18) He gives her priority
The rules are simple. Your current partner comes before your ex. They should be your primary concern, and if they’re not, something gives you.

You have to ask yourself if he gives her priority over you.

If he is spending time with her and neglecting you, this is a huge flashing warning sign and you should pay attention to it as soon as possible. Even constantly defending it can feel like a betrayal.