There’s one person in your circle of friends who always has a “woe is me” attitude.

They blame others for everything that goes wrong; They believe that bad things only happen to them and they do not try to change things because they feel that it is meaningless.

Yes, this person has a severe case of victim mentality.

How do you deal with this person without giving up or losing your temper?

If you are dealing with someone who suffers from a victim mentality, read on. This article has everything you need to know about dealing with someone who always pulls the victim card.

What is the victim mentality?
Victim mentality is a term commonly used in popular culture and casual conversation to describe people who like to wallow in negativity and impose it on others.

In medical terms, this is not a term but rather referred to as a stigma to describe a certain personality trait.

Victims often express a lot of negativity, but it is important to realize that significant pain and distress are often the root causes of their condition.

As a result, they believe that others are to blame for their misery and that nothing they do will make a difference.

As a result, they become vulnerable, leading to difficult feelings and behaviors.

The most prominent signs that indicate a victim mentality

Some signs indicate that someone is presenting themselves as a victim.

Escape from responsibility and accountability

One of the main signs that people have a victim mentality is that they avoid responsibility and accountability at all costs.

They take responsibility, make excuses, and shift blame, believing that bad things happen to them for no reason. Then they begin to believe that the world is out to get them and that changing that is impossible.

They don’t want to change (or can’t)

People who live in a victimized environment are less likely to want to make changes. They may seem like they just want to feel sorry for themselves and reject offers of help.

Spending time wallowing in misery is not necessarily unhealthy. On the contrary, this can help in recognizing and processing painful feelings.

However, this period must have an end date. It is much more effective to move forward with healing and change afterward.

An overwhelming feeling of helplessness

Feeling victimized often makes people believe that they do not choose to change their situation. However, despite this, life still puts them in situations that, from their point of view, they cannot escape or succeed in.

It is important to consider the difference between “unwilling” and “unable” when dealing with people who feel powerless due to circumstances.

Some victims may consciously blame others and feel humiliated in the process.

However, those who cannot move forward usually suffer from deep-rooted psychological pain that makes change seem impossible. Those who are unwilling to do so simply use the victim mentality as a scapegoat.

Negative self-talk and self-sabotage

A victim mentality may lead to internalizing negative messages that come with challenges.

As a result of abuse, people may believe:

“Everything bad seems to happen to me.”
“I can’t change it, so why bother?”
“My bad luck is my fault.”
“No one seems to care about me.”

Each new difficulty reinforces these harmful beliefs until they take root in her internal dialogue. Negative self-talk damages resilience over time, making it more difficult to bounce back and recover from challenges.

Self-sabotage often goes hand in hand with negative self-talk. Those who believe their self-talk are often more likely to live it. Oftentimes, negative self-talk will unconsciously hinder any attempts at change.

Lack of self-confidence

It may affect the victim’s low self-esteem and confidence. As a result, they may feel more victimized.

The belief that “I’m not smart enough” or “I’m not talented enough” can prevent people from developing their skills or identifying new skills or abilities that could enable them to achieve their goals.

If they work to achieve what they want but fail, they may believe they are victims of circumstance again. With their negative perspective, it may be difficult to see any other possibilities, with all the light at the end of the tunnel.

Frustration, anger and resentment

Emotional health can be affected by a victim’s mentality.

People with this mindset may experience:

The world seems to be against them, leaving them frustrated and angry
Feeling helpless that nothing will change
They feel hurt when they think their loved ones don’t care
Angry at happy and successful people

The feelings that build up and fester within people who feel that they will always be victims can affect them greatly. In the long term, these feelings can lead to:

Excessive anger
Depressive mood
Exclusion
Unit

How to deal with the victim mentality

So after reading that, you can relate! I know it’s a lot to take in, but what are your choices?

You care about this person and you simply cannot ignore them. After all, they look up to you. So how do you deal with them?

If you’re struggling with a loved one or loved one who always pulls the victim card, here’s how you can help without exhausting yourself mentally and physically.

1) Be empathetic
Recognize that they have experienced traumatic events in the past, and express sympathy.

Reassuring phrases that, when I hear you, I can imagine what that sounds like, or, as I can relate it, can go a long way in making them feel supported.

Take it a step further, put yourself in their shoes, and then provide them with the ideas you would base on if you were in their shoes.

You can say: “It’s terrible that you have to deal with this.” I’m here to help if you need it.

2) It does not come across as judgmental.
They are opening up to you because they trust you and feel comfortable with you, so allow them to speak their truth without feeling judged or embarrassed.

Avoid saying things like, “Why did you do that? It’s so common” or, “I wouldn’t be caught dead with XYZ… I get the picture.” Instead, use more “I” language and avoid saying “you.”

3) Clarify your role
Let them know you are listening from an outsider’s perspective.

You are there to help, not to know what is right and wrong. Nor are you there to play referee.

This will help you not get caught up in the emotions of it all. Instead, you simply listen and respond as someone completely external to the situation would respond.

4) Allow them to vent
Although it may be stressful for you, getting them to vent is the best step forward.

Let them pour out their hearts and get everything that bothers them out of their chests. This will help them feel like you support them and trust them.

Also, while they are talking, do not interrupt them. Instead, use nonverbal communication like acknowledging nods and facial expressions to show them you’re listening intently.

You can say something like: I can’t solve your problem, but I can help you solve it.

5) Set boundaries
This is very important when dealing with someone who suffers from a victim mentality.

You need to set clear boundaries and rules about appropriate points of discussion, personal opinions, etc. for both of you.

You need to be clear about what you’re comfortable with and what you’re not comfortable discussing, because, at any moment, someone could cross into this landmine zone.

But how do you set boundaries and foster a healthy relationship?

The truth is that you have to start from:

The relationship you have with yourself.

Only then can you deal with a manipulative or difficult relationship?

I learned about this from the shaman Ruda Yande. In this real, free video about cultivating healthy relationships, he gives you the tools to plant yourself at the center of your world.

It covers some of the biggest mistakes most of us make in our relationships, such as habits of codependency and unhealthy expectations. Mistakes that most of us make without realizing it.

So why do I recommend Rhoda’s life-changing advice?

Well, he uses techniques drawn from ancient shamanic teachings but gives them his modern twist. He may be a shaman, but his experience of love was not much different from yours and mine.

Until he found a way to overcome these common issues. This is what he wants to share with you.

So, if you’re ready to make that change today and cultivate healthy, loving relationships, relationships you know you deserve, check out his simple, real advice.

6) Keep the conversation light.
Ask lots of probing questions to make sure the person is thinking clearly. Some good examples of probing questions are:

“What do you do best?”

When you look back, what are some things you did well?

By asking these open-ended questions, you are likely to open up more information.

7) Add humor to the conversation
If it is appropriate to do so, use humor to make the conversation more bearable.

You can make fun of a situation or problem by adding a little humor to things.

You’ll know the invisible limit not to be crossed, so make sure you don’t overdo it.

Too much humor may make them feel that you are not taking them seriously or that you think their problem is not serious.

8) Encouragement, not advice.
Help and encourage them to discover things and also don’t make things too easy for them.

Offer to help them find solutions but don’t try to protect them from bad outcomes.

Instead of telling them what you would do in a situation, help them set realistic goals that can help them change the situation.

9) Do not get drawn into arguments.
Before entering into any conversation, make sure you are well prepared and do not allow yourself to be drawn into destructive dynamics.

Remind them that you are here to help and that arguing will do no one any good.

“I know this is important and I care about it too, but it feels like we’re going around in circles. Let’s pick this up later?”

10) Talk about facts.
People who consider themselves victims often try to tell their version of what happened, ignoring the factual information available.

If you find this happening throughout the conversation, politely tell them the factual information you’re talking about. This will bring them back to what is necessary.

11) Don’t choose sides
Make sure you remain objective and help them identify certain unhelpful behaviors such as blaming, complaining, and not taking responsibility.

At all costs, avoid getting drawn into a “he said, she said” battle because it only backfires.

“It’s not going to help anyone here,” he said.

12) Avoid labels
Do not label them as victims, because this will make the situation worse. They probably already know they’re stuck in a victim mentality.

They are calling on you to help them, so don’t tag them if you want to make things worse.

13) Don’t say things you regret
Don’t attack them, be gentle; Allow them to grow through your encouragement. After all, they have turned to you for your guidance, and if you get upset or angry and say something in a moment of anger, you will likely destroy their trust in you.

Even though it is stressful, it is your job to help this person, so you should do what you can to help them get better.

14) Be the voice of reason.
Oftentimes, people with a victim mentality do not think and speak from a place of fear.

What you need to do is influence them so that they behave more rationally. Using this influence, you can help dig deeper and gain more important insights into why they feel a certain way.

15) Don’t sink to their level, be authentic.
Dealing with someone with a victim mentality can be quite stressful. You’ll have to constantly watch your words and navigate the conversation without setting off a mine.

Avoid getting into petty arguments and make it known that you are leading the conversation.

You may also be tempted to give up and give up.