We hear a lot about the signs that a toxic friend is not a good person.
Among a group of you, there will always be a bad person—whether it’s the most popular one or the one who lurks in the shadows.
But being manipulated (especially by someone who is supposed to be a trusted and supportive friend) is bad.
So, what can you do about it?
Well, first, start looking for the more subtle signs that you’re dealing with someone who is conniving and manipulative.
Spotting these subtle signs early can save you a lot of unnecessary stress.
Are you ready to uncover the subtle signs that someone is not as good as they claim to be?
Let’s dive into the 15 subtle signs that you’re dealing with a manipulative friend.
1) They Always Play the Victim
Everyone goes through tough times and needs a shoulder to lean on, but with a manipulative friend, you’ll start to notice a pattern.
They always seem to play the victim, no matter the situation.
If they can’t take responsibility for anything that goes wrong in their life, and if it’s always someone else’s fault, consider this a subtle sign of manipulation.
What makes it so difficult is that it’s wrapped in empathy and compassion, which makes it hard to spot at first. But once you spot it, it’s a clear red flag for manipulation.
2) Their Apologies Lack Sincerity
Apologies are an integral part of any relationship, including friendships.
We all make mistakes, and apologizing is how we fix things and grow together.
However, when dealing with a manipulative friend, you may notice that their apologies lack integrity (or they refuse to apologize altogether).
They may mumble something that sounds like “sorry,” but their actions remain the same.
Or even worse.
“I’m sorry you feel that way.”
They will try to manipulate you and use apologies as a tool to ignore or minimize your feelings, and completely remove themselves from any position of responsibility.
This subtlety can be deceptive, as it’s easy to want to believe that they’re truly sorry if they admit it and say something.
But it’s important to pay attention to their actions after they apologize and see if their words match their feelings.
3) Exhibiting Overly Positive
Positivity is generally a great trait to have in a friend.
However, when they’re overly positive and dismiss your feelings, it can be a sign of manipulation.
If your friend is constantly pushing you to “look on the bright side” or “just be happy,” especially when you’re dealing with difficult situations, they may be trying to control your emotional responses for their comfort.
They don’t have the time or energy to deal with you being sad or depressed.
How boring that would be!
Toxic positivity is more satisfying…
(Sarcasm—this is not a real friendship by any means. Friends overcome the good and the bad together.)
And constantly feeling like you have to smile can make you feel inferior and rejected, which is not the hallmark of a real friendship.
4) They Overly Criticize You
A true friend should be supportive and encouraging; not someone who makes you feel inadequate or inferior.
If you find that your friend is overly critical of you, constantly pointing out your flaws or belittling your accomplishments, this could be a sign of manipulation.
These behaviors can also be unintentional.
“Oh my God! You look so cute. I didn’t know you could clean yourself like that!”
“That new haircut makes your nose look better. Come on!”
“I love the way your house looks. It’s so weird!”
Phrases like the one above suggest that this “friend” may be trying to lower your self-esteem to control you.
It’s important to remember that everyone has strengths and weaknesses, and no one is perfect.
A good friend will help you grow, not tear you down.
5) They Always Ask for Help
We all need a helping hand from time to time, and it’s perfectly normal to ask friends for help.
You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours in the “you scratch my back” way.
However, if you find that your friend is constantly asking for help and that the help is increasing and demanding more…
However, they don’t offer help in return, or promise it but don’t provide it, it sounds like a one-sided relationship to me.
They may be taking advantage of your kindness and generosity to serve their own needs.
A true friendship is about giving and taking, so if you feel like you’re always giving and they’re always taking, it’s time to reevaluate the relationship.
6) They struggle to accept “no” for an answer
The right to say “no” is essential in any relationship.
It’s also a tough word for people-pleasers (who often fall prey to manipulators).
If you find that your friend struggles to accept being told “no”—constantly pushing you to overstep your boundaries or making you feel guilty for setting boundaries—this could be a sign of manipulation or a general lack of respect.
They will likely feel like their needs and wants are more important than yours.
This is by no means a healthy basis for friendship, as two people should always consider themselves equals and respect each other.
7) They’re never happy about your success
True friends celebrate each other’s accomplishments and successes.
They’re our cheerleaders, cheering us on every step of the way. They know our weaknesses and insecurities, too, and will cheer us on when we overcome something they know is a struggle.
But if you notice that this friend doesn’t seem genuinely happy about your successes, or perhaps changes the subject or downplays your accomplishments, this could be a subtle sign of manipulation.
They may feel threatened by your success or struggle with feelings of jealousy or inadequacy.
For many manipulators, there’s only one place—theirs. They push everyone else off the throne.
Healthy friendships thrive on mutual support and genuine joy in each other’s victories—no matter how big or small.
8) They Hold Grudges
We all make mistakes, and forgiveness is a key component of friendship.
However, if your friend holds grudges, constantly reminds you of past mistakes, or uses them as ammunition in arguments, this could be a sign of manipulation.
Forgiveness ultimately involves letting go of those mistakes. How can you move forward if you keep coming back to the same argument and attacking that person?
But a manipulator may use these grudges to guilt you or gain the upper hand in the relationship.
If you make a mistake, you’ll immediately remember that time, 3 years ago, when you dropped coffee on their couch.
This behavior is not only unhealthy; it’s harmful as you start to feel like you’re walking on eggshells around them.
Friendships should be built on understanding and forgiveness, not resentment and point-scoring.
9) They Use Your Secrets Against You
In a true friendship, shared secrets are kept confidential and respected.
We build on our relationships by sharing secrets like little snippets of our hearts; We trade them to gain trust and allow others to understand us better.
However, if your friend uses this sensitive information against you, exploiting it to manipulate or control the situation, this is a big warning sign.
This betrayal of trust not only breaks the bond of friendship but is also a clear sign of manipulation.
Your personal information should not be used as a weapon.
If you find that your friend is using your sensitive secrets against you, it is time to get out quickly.
10) They constantly compare you to others
Comparison is a tool that manipulative people often use to belittle or control others.
If this friend is constantly comparing you to others, telling you that you are less intelligent, less attractive, and less funny, this is a subtle sign of manipulation.
By lowering someone’s self-worth, you make them more vulnerable to manipulation in your favor.
So stay away from those who belittle you. Even if they try to pretend it is a joke.
11) They rarely support you when you need them
A true friend provides consistent emotional support when you’re going through tough times.
RELATED:If these 7 signs sound familiar, he’s definitely playing mind games with you
But if this friend is rarely there for you in times of need (their phone suddenly goes off, they have emergency after emergency…), or even downplays your problems, this could be a sign of manipulation.
Or just a bad friend.
They get what they want from you, but they don’t care much about supporting your problems.
12) They make you feel guilty for spending time with others
If your friend makes you feel guilty for spending time with other people, this is a big sign of manipulation.
Friends should share friends, introduce each other to people they care about, and encourage individuality whenever possible.
But manipulators largely want to monopolize your time and attention, isolating you from other relationships.
They will be jealous if you want to go out with anyone else, and they will likely belittle that person in the same way that they sometimes make fun of your ego.
13) They Always Change Plans at the Last Minute
The Fickle Manipulator!
If your friend is constantly changing plans at the last minute, this could be a sign of manipulation.
Because if you give something delicious and then take it away, the recipient starts to want it even more.
That’s why a manipulator may engage in this behavior to exert control over your time and keep you stressed.
The unpredictability of these behaviors can create a dynamic where you’re always trying to please them, and you start waiting impatiently for their next text, or their next call…
14) They Use the Silent Treatment as a Weapon
The silent treatment is a terrible but common manipulation tactic.
If your friend ignores you or stays silent when they’re upset with you instead of addressing the issue, it’s either a sign of manipulation or poor communication skills.
Because the silent treatment is interchangeable with punishment.
As mentioned above, manipulators work in ways that make us miss them even more.
So, you’ll be biting your nails, on the edge of your seat if they suddenly become cold.
And you’ll work ten times harder to prove your worth and please them when they finally deem you worthy of a response.
15) They Make You Question Your Memory or Judgment
Finally, if your friend makes you question your memory or judgment and is manipulative, we’re likely to conclude that this is a manipulative person.
They tell you that you’re remembering things wrong even though you’re sure they happened.
They tell you that you’re too sensitive.
They tell you that you’re crazy.
Manipulation starts in subtle ways, but it grows and grows until it consumes you, leaving you uncertain about your perception of reality and incredibly distrustful.
Repel Manipulators
While you shouldn’t be overly suspicious of every friendship, you should also remain vigilant and observant.
Be wary of recurring behaviors or patterns that raise concerns and trigger your gut feelings, and trust your instincts.
This isn’t about labeling everyone as a manipulator, it’s about recognizing when a pattern of behavior becomes obvious, and that pattern indicates manipulative behavior.
Remember that you deserve healthy, supportive, and encouraging friendships.
If you find yourself in a consistently toxic relationship where the manipulation is causing emotional damage, do yourself a favor and walk away.
Check out these smart responses to responding to a manipulator, too.
Your emotional health is precious, and you deserve more than to endure a friendship that doesn’t respect or value you.
Plus, many people will support and love you endlessly.
Maybe that’s not the person…
