When we reviewed the results of an informal poll of more than 100 YourTango experts, we discovered that 89% of them believe that half or more of couples are in toxic, unhealthy relationships.

We wanted to learn more, so we decided to ask about some more specific examples of what toxic relationships look like, and how people can tell when they’re in one.

The red flag waving at the top of their list of responses was: “You spend more time fighting than enjoying each other.”

But how do you find red flags in a toxic relationship? Red flags can include anything from jealousy, criticism, exploitation, disrespect, threats, emotional abuse, and lack of empathy. But these are not the only signs you should pay attention to. What are the warning signs of a toxic relationship?

Here are 15 signs that you are stuck in a toxic and soul-sucking relationship, according to experts:

Your partner seems hostile all the time.

Is your partner often angry?

“If you feel like you’re living with a lot of stress, and you’re feeling stressed and unable to express yourself the way you want, then your relationship isn’t healthy for you,” explains Dr. Marian Stansbury, a licensed marriage and family therapist in Milford, Connecticut.

We all need to feel safe and secure to express our true selves.

Your partner constantly disappoints you.

Does your significant other criticize or belittle you? Are you stressed most of the time because you feel like you cannot please your partner or do anything right? Do they make fun of you or criticize you in public or front of family and friends? Do they act superior to you or make fun of you? “These are all warning signs of a dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship,” Dr. Stansbury explains.

Your partner is intentionally avoiding you.

Do they seem like they don’t want to be around you? “They may be giving you mixed messages that make you feel confused, such as saying ‘of course I love you’ without acting lovingly,” Dr. Stansbury explains. “Or your partner may withhold physical affection from you, making you feel rejected, and respond by complaining that you’re too needy.”

Your partner refuses to consider change and will not talk about problems in the relationship.

Is your partner open to being influenced by you? Are they able to reflect themselves? When you express your feelings and ask for what you want, do they listen and then try to meet your needs? If they refuse to acknowledge your feelings and needs as important and refuse to go to counseling, you may be stuck in a toxic relationship. If so, Dr. Stansbury explains, you should ask yourself, “What do I need to do to be happy and satisfied with my life?”

Your partner fights dirty.

“Culsing is a clear sign of toxicity in a relationship,” explains Kerry Nola, a psychotherapist based in Winter Springs, Florida. “Trying to hurt someone with words is not the way to resolve conflict or communicate hurtful feelings.” Problems usually escalate quickly when insults are present, making it especially difficult to establish intimacy and connection in a relationship.

You don’t feel like you can be yourself.

Do your likes, dislikes, or opinions change when you’re with your partner? “Feeling like you can’t be yourself and coping with fear of retaliation can be a sign of a toxic relationship,” Nola explains. It is important to be able to express yourself honestly in your relationship so that true love can grow as well as personal growth as well.

Your partner acts like an overly involved parent.

“I’m not talking about the kind of parent who drives you to your violin concert. I’m talking about the kind who decides what your career is, what school you go to, and who you get to spend time with.” says relationship expert Mika Madella.

When your partner acts like an overly involved parent, he or she chooses which friends you can have and what kind of clothes you can wear. You have learned from past experiences that your thoughts and opinions do not matter, and if you try to express them you will regret it later.

Your partner is the king or queen of guilt trips.

They have a certain knack for making you feel guilty and indebted to them. You feel obligated to give in to what they want, especially when they remind you of that thoughtful gesture they did for you that day. “When every kind gesture comes with strings attached, it may be time to cut the cord,” Madella explains.

You feel the need to hide the relationship from your friends and family.

“Your family and friends don’t like the way your partner is treating you, and you’re afraid what they’re saying might be the truth,” Madela explains. Instead of facing this painful reality, you tend to avoid talking about them, bringing them around, or involving them in any way with your friends and family.

Your partner puts the spotlight on you.

When you have a problem with your partner, he always pretends to be the victim in one way or another and constantly attacks you to make it your fault to cover up his actions. “Toxic people blame others for their mistakes and find ways to cover up their actions so they are never wrong,” says psychotherapist Nancy Carbone. “They will find a way to turn the problem into your fault.”

Toxic partners deliberately avoid the judgment resulting from shame by distorting the truth. “They avoid taking responsibility to cover up their own mistakes. They do this by finding fault with others, whom they blame for their shortcomings.” A big red flag that you can notice right away is if they say their ex was crazy or that they cheated because their partner never had sex when they wanted to. “You’re told that you have to move past issues and not bring them up. It’s always the other person’s fault and they’re perfect,” Carbone explains.

Your partner has no empathy.

It’s a big red flag if you notice that your partner has no empathy or remorse for the way he treats people. “They feel they have the right to act in any way that meets their own needs without any regard for others,” Carbone explains. People like this will try to justify cheating or relationships because they portray themselves as being kind and compassionate just to use people for what they need.

Your partner sees everyone through his behavior.

Remember that the toxic person may have had parents or people in the past who envied, criticized, or humiliated him.

Therefore, they hide their true selves. Your partner may have felt like a failure if they didn’t meet their expectations or needs. “They will not take control and see the role they play in relationship problems. They feel hurt when issues come up and turn their back on their partner to attack or criticize them. So, the partner feels defeated and gives up, feeling wrong,” Carbone explains.

Toxic people always project their sense of inferiority onto others by spotting things wrong with them or finding faults in them to make themselves feel better. This type of person is delusional and sees everyone through their expectations, constantly distorting the way they see and deal with others. You can’t trust these types of people.

You feel afraid or in danger.

If so, you need to take precautions to get out of the relationship without getting physically hurt.

This is a big red flag if he displays aggressive and abusive behavior. This is something that will likely stay with you long after they’re gone because a partner who emotionally abuses you — consciously or unconsciously — creates a reign of terror over your life, explains relationship coach Dr. Annie Kazina.

You are lying to yourself.

If you are lying to yourself or avoiding/not listening to any friends or people you know who are trying to help you get out of the relationship, this is a big red flag. You may be doing this without realizing it because it has become a long-term pattern for you in this relationship. It doesn’t make sense to do this yourself.

“If you were just a little bit cool, you wouldn’t feel the way you do now, and cool people don’t hurt or insult their partner,” Dr. Kazina explains. “You’re telling yourself (and maybe the world too) how good you are and your heart sinks. Being with someone truly amazing lifts your heart.”

Give up on yourself.

This is not a normal reaction to your problems in life. However, it is a normal reaction to the constant brainwashing and emotional trauma your partner is subjected to.

“Giving up on yourself is just your brain’s way of telling you, ‘I can’t take it anymore.’ It’s a sign that you need to get out, not give up. Because it’s the one that makes you feel bad when you get it out of your system, you can… “You expect to start feeling much better.”

Here are 15 signs that you are stuck in a toxic and soul-sucking relationship, according to experts:

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