What are the signs of an unhappy relationship and what should you do about it?
When you just start dating or when you’re at the beginning of a new relationship, everything seems perfect and almost perfect.
You are naturally inclined to put forth effort, respect your differences, enjoy romantic date nights, and pay attention to detail.
When you’re having a bad day, you know that your significant other will be there for you because he or she is your best friend and lover at the same time.
And then, over time, something changes because when you’ve been together for a long time, there are no longer any barriers between you and who you are to each other.
However, when you become too casual, you risk falling into a rut.
When you become too casual and don’t put any effort into a romantic relationship, you enter the zone of lack of respect and appreciation.
Your relationship is going through a difficult phase and the initially happy relationship turns into an unhealthy relationship.
You feel like something is pulling you down and you’re losing your breath but you’re not quite sure why you’re feeling this way and what the real reason behind it is.
You somehow misinterpret or miss all the red flags, thinking that they will pass and that everything will get back on track if you give it time.
Or you become convinced that it is normal to feel this way in a relationship, because over time, long-term relationships change and lose their initial passion and attraction.
Since you don’t want to end up getting your heart broken, you subconsciously decide to suppress any potential red flag and decide to pretend that you are happy in front of your friends and family.
You refuse to acknowledge the fact that the beautiful thing you once had has turned into a potentially toxic relationship.
But this is exactly what you need to do. The first step to dealing with an unhappy relationship is to accept the fact that you are in this relationship, that things are not the same as they were before and that you deserve to be happy.
If you’re not really sure if your relationship has reached the zone of chronic unhappiness, here is a list of signs that scream that you are in a very unhappy relationship without even realizing it!
You spend more time with your friends and family than with your partner
The first and biggest indicator of an unhappy relationship is the amount of time you spend with your partner.
If you notice that you’re spending more time with your friends and family than with your partner, you know something is seriously wrong.
Simply think about the early stages of your relationship and compare it to your current relationship situation.
Have you noticed that before, you used to spend a lot of time together because you really enjoyed every second of each other’s company and now you don’t do that anymore because something has changed inside you?
You no longer see your partner’s company as a pleasure but as a torment because you are not comfortable, or because you constantly quarrel with each other, or because he is no longer the same man/woman you used to know.
He is no longer the only person who can make you happy and that is why you no longer feel attracted to him. Instead, you prefer to spend time with people close to you or alone.
- There are no conflicts in the relationship
I know what you’re thinking; How can the fact that there are no conflicts in a relationship be interpreted as something negative?
Isn’t the point of a happy relationship to be conflict-free and happy, without any arguments?
Well, I’m sorry to tell you but that’s not the case. Every healthy relationship consists of conflicts and arguments to some degree.
While constant arguments are not healthy, no arguments at all are not healthy in a relationship.
So, if you notice that you are no longer fighting over things, this is a big red sign that you are not satisfied with the relationship you are in. Why?
Because by arguing with your partner, you are telling them that you are not ok with something and you are trying to find a solution to it through mutual efforts because you care about it.
However, by avoiding any kind of arguments, you are subtly telling each other that you don’t care about what happens in the relationship and that you don’t care to deal with it.
This happens when you are no longer connected to each other and feel like there is no point in fighting because you don’t really care about the outcome and all you want is peace, even at the cost of creating a passive aggressive environment.
- Date nights no longer exist
Many dating coaches, relationship experts, and psychotherapists stress the importance of maintaining date nights when you’re in a relationship (no matter how long you’ve been in the relationship).
And often times, right after things get casual, partners simply forget to fuel their date nights and make an effort to surprise each other.
Or they don’t forget, but they stop caring about it because they have more important things to do and focus on.
So, if you can’t remember the last time you had a date, you can be sure that things are not as they should be.
Date nights exist for a reason.
They help you reconnect, enhance your passion and intimacy, and make you feel special (especially if one of you is the one who surprised the other on a date night).
When all these things end in a relationship, you lose the opportunity to integrate with your partner and strengthen your relationship by enjoying spending time together. Your relationship becomes numb and lifeless.
You’re constantly criticizing each other
When you just start dating, your tolerance for your partner’s habits and behavior is at a high level but over time this changes.
When you’ve been together for a while, you become more aware of the things that bother you, and if you can’t help but constantly criticize each other because of it, you know you’re in an unhappy relationship.
It’s fine to tell your partner that something bothers you from time to time, but constantly checking for every annoyance and bad habit is a sign that the root of the problem is more important than you thought.
It is a sign that you are no longer happy with your partner and that is why you get angry easily with everything he does.
You no longer see them as you used to, and you are subconsciously looking for ways to express your dissatisfaction with the current situation.
By constantly criticizing your partner, you are telling them that you don’t approve of them and that no matter what they do, how they act, or what they say to you, you will never see them as good enough for you.
You’ll never see them as good enough for you because you lost attraction, appreciation and respect for each other.
- Lack of intimacy
Lack of intimacy is definitely one of the first signs of every unhappy relationship.
Being intimate means connecting with each other, building trust and strengthening your relationship, so if you suddenly notice a lack of intimacy, there’s a good reason behind it.
If you are constantly making excuses, such as that you have a constant headache (if you are female) and other excuses if you are male, to justify why you do not want to have sex with your partner, then you have a serious relationship problem.
If you never mention intimacy or show any sign of wanting it, then you know your relationship has stalled and changed its title to an unhappy one.
The reasons why this happens are lack of mutual attraction or respect, passive aggressive behavior, controlling behavior, etc.
Basically, everything that happens in your relationship on a daily basis is reflected in the situation between the cards, and this way you know if you have reached an impasse or if there is still hope that you will agree to make mutual efforts to make things right again.
See also: 5 Things That Happen When You Finally Move On From A Broken Relationship
- Lack of gratitude
Gratitude is one of the most powerful forces in the universe, because when you feel grateful, you attract more positive things into your life.
If you show that you are grateful for everything your partner does for you and vice versa, you motivate each other to keep doing it.
However, if there is a lack of gratitude in a relationship, there is also a lack of happiness.
When you no longer appreciate the big things or the little things you do for each other, you no longer appreciate each other as a human being or as someone you once fell in love with.
Where there is no gratitude, there is no effort, because effort stems from a willingness to appreciate, notice, and embrace.
Where there is no effort, there is no harmony in the relationship, because the relationship cannot continue without effort.
All this creates a huge gap between two people and can destroy the relationship forever.
- You feel lonely in the relationship
A relationship should be a community of two people who fall in love with each other, and if you feel lonely in a relationship, it means you are in an unhappy relationship.
It is completely normal to feel lonely when there is a lack of important elements such as reciprocity, respect and mutual effort, which create a happy relationship.
This is the main reason why you suddenly feel isolated. You feel lonely because you have no one to listen to you, you don’t feel safe and you feel like your partner doesn’t understand you at all.
When that happens, you withdraw and enter a maze of overthinking and daydreaming about a more beautiful place, like someone else would be the exact opposite of your partner.
For this reason, you often find yourself connecting with strangers very quickly simply because they listen to you, compliment you, make you feel safe and have your back.
When you start comparing your relationship with strangers who are nice to you, you know that you haven’t been happy for a long time now.
- You give each other the silent treatment
The silent treatment is the silent killer of every relationship and it’s one of the biggest indicators of every unhappy relationship.
The silent treatment means ignoring another person’s wants, desires, and ideas.
The difference between a couple who is in a happy relationship and those who are in an unhappy relationship appears in the way they handle their arguments.
A couple in a happy relationship never gives each other the silent treatment, but they strive to make things work out and find a mutual solution to the problem.
A couple in an unhappy relationship is not truly interested in finding mutual solutions and chooses to give each other the silent treatment instead.
Ignoring them means indirectly killing your relationship or what’s left of it. Ignoring them means building a wall between you and your partner and not wanting to build it again or rebuild it.
And when you build a wall, you build unhappiness with all the unsaid words buzzing around your head.
- You live a separate life
While spending too much time together and doing everything together is not really healthy, living separate lives is also not healthy in a relationship.
You know you’re living a separate life if you have no idea what’s really going on in your partner’s life (his job, family, friends, hobbies) and if you also don’t care to share what’s going on in your life either.
Living separate lives means being in a relationship as strangers where there is no common point where your lives intersect.
It happens when you don’t bother to spend time with your mutual friends, when you don’t bother to tell your partner about that important event at your work, and when you no longer seek comfort or understanding from each other.
The less you know about each other’s lives, the less connected you will be. The less communication you have, the less happy you will be in the relationship.
- No meaningful conversation
You know you’re in an unhappy relationship if you can’t remember the last time you had a meaningful conversation with your partner.
Talking about your feelings, the meaning of life, or other non-traditional topics is another way to create a stronger bond with your partner.
On the contrary, just constantly small talk is a real destroyer of every relationship because by doing so, you are not making an effort to say something more meaningful, something that would bring the spark back into your eyes and make you feel richer.
As we said before, not making any effort means being in an unhappy relationship.
- Instead of apologizing, you play the blame game
No relationship is perfect. Making mistakes and arguing from time to time in a relationship is completely normal, the difference is in how you deal with it.
If you and your partner always make it a point to apologize after you make a mistake or when you think you’re the one in the wrong, it means you take responsibility for your thoughts, words, and actions.
But if you play the blame game instead of apologizing, where you need to accuse each other and blame the other for everything bad that happens in your relationship, then you know you are in a toxic relationship.
Constantly finding the culprit for every bad thing that happens instead of dealing with the situation is harmful to every relationship.
Most of the time, this has nothing to do with blaming someone for something, but rather expressing your dissatisfaction with the relationship because you are no longer happy and satisfied.
- You fight over trivial things
When something serious happens, it’s normal for you or your partner to act argumentative, but if you’re constantly fighting over trivial things, it means you’re so annoyed with each other that you’re constantly watching for someone else to go wrong next.
Fighting over trivial things means fighting for no real reason other than the necessity of expressing your dissatisfaction with the general situation in the relationship and your partner.
If you notice that you suddenly feel terrible about everything your partner does or vice versa, then you know that you are in an unhappy relationship and you should definitely do something about it.
See also: 4 Signs You Are With A Toxic Man And How To Deal With Him
- Lack of respect
As you already know, respect is the foundation of every happy relationship. Respecting your partner means respecting his choices, his personality, his ideas, and all the differences between you.
Respect also means compromise and willingness to understand situations.
When a relationship lacks respect, it lacks the foundation necessary for a healthy relationship.
Disrespect means belittling each other, criticizing each other, not caring about how the other person feels etc.
This happens when you stop trying to make each other feel special, and instead, focus solely on yourself and your own needs and desires.
- She no longer shows affection
Affection in a relationship is like water to every flower.
For a relationship to thrive, both partners need to keep putting in the effort when it comes to surprising each other, making each other feel special, complimenting them and showing affection in many other ways.
A simple hug every day means a lot to your partner’s well-being and your relationship.
If you can’t remember the last time you and your partner expressed affection for each other (whether verbally or physically), you know you’re stuck in an unhappy relationship.
- You dream of being single again
And last but not least, when you’ve been stuck in an unhappy relationship for some time, you start daydreaming about being single again, but for some reason, you can’t find the courage to do something about it.
Which is why you enter the world of daydreaming about being single again.
When you think and imagine that you are alone again, or that you are dating someone else or finding someone through online dating, you feel liberated and feel happy even for a moment because you know that you are no longer happy in your life. The current relationship and you are subconsciously looking for a way out of it.
See also: 5 Ways To Move On From A Toxic Relationship
