The term “narcissist” is used loosely and frequently, without necessarily knowing whether or not the person fits the correct definition.
Narcissists, or people with narcissistic personality disorder, are everywhere and their numbers are on the rise.
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How many narcissists or people with narcissistic traits are there in the world?
A 2009 nationally representative sample of 35,000 Americans found that 6% of Americans (1 in 16) had narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) at some point in their lives.
Most of us know at least one narcissistic person – some of us are related to a narcissistic person, some of us have been in a relationship with or been married to a narcissistic person, and some of us are friends with or have been friends with a narcissistic person. At some point, we even suffered narcissistic abuse without even realizing it.
What exactly is narcissistic personality disorder?
Although mental health professionals are best at diagnosing this condition, there are some signs to identify narcissism in an individual.
Here are 15 signs of a narcissistic personality.
1. They have very low self-esteem but they seem to hide it well.
2. They need constant external validation – they crave admiration and validation.
3. They always try to prove their superiority over others – their desire to win at any cost is all-encompassing.
4. They are very selfish
5. They are very single-minded, and can only see things from their point of view.
6. They are very sensitive to feeling insulted or mistreated in any way. They feel insulted and criticized when there is no insult or criticism, and they are always in a defensive position.
7. They always believe that they are innocent victims and that others are hostile perpetrators.
8. They are willing to belittle and humiliate others.
9. They feel no pain when they hurt others – if they feel pain, it is much less than others might feel.
10. They have hierarchical thinking, meaning that every person or thing (they are also very materialistic) is placed on a scale. They have difficulty believing that anyone is equal to them.
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11. They have disproportionate anger – they get very angry over things that seem very minor to others.
12. They use extreme language, referring to others as “perfect,” “the best,” or “the worst ever” and nothing in between.
13. They use harsh and inappropriate language – they say things out loud that others may think but do not express for fear of hurting others. (i.e. “This is the stupidest waitress I’ve ever had.”)
14. They cannot sincerely apologize or admit mistakes – They do not have enough self-esteem to admit their mistakes and feel that if they admit their mistakes, their facade of perfection will end or another facade will humiliate them.
15. They find it difficult to maintain serious and intimate relationships.
Now that you know what narcissistic behavior looks like, what is the key to understanding narcissists and their mental health?
When a child experiences a lot of pain and their self-esteem is destroyed, narcissism can be the result.
When a person does not get the love they need, they can become “selfish” and spend the rest of their life trying to meet their own needs in unhealthy ways. Celebrity culture, the media, and the Internet certainly contribute to this selfish way of thinking.
When we understand that the narcissist is simply dealing with his or her pain, it can help ignite compassion within us. Having this information can help us refrain from taking the narcissist’s actions or words personally and help us deal with them effectively.
