It’s all about me, me, me, me, me.

Every time someone mentions or talks about a narcissist, this phrase comes to mind, to the tune of Auburn’s “All About Him.”

What about you?

What phrase do you most often associate with a narcissistic person?

Let’s see if our phrases match the list of phrases that only narcissists use according to psychologists, and how to respond to them:

1) “After everything I’ve done for you, how could you do this to me?”

Narcissists often manipulate your emotions to make you feel guilty or indebted to them.

They use phrases like this to make you feel bad or seem ungrateful, and manipulate you into doing what they want.

Psychiatrist Dr. Dan Neuharth calls this tactic “emotional appeals” and says narcissists use this to “conceal false or outrageous claims.”

If you are on the receiving end of this statement, try to remain calm and stick to the facts.

Remind yourself that you don’t owe them for their so-called “services” and, most importantly, that it’s okay to say no.

2) “Everyone agrees with me, and you should too.”

Power in numbers is something narcissists know well, according to Dr. Neuharth.

For this reason, they use this phrase to make you feel neglected for not agreeing with them.

When this happens to you, stick to what you believe in.

Let the narcissist know that you make your decisions based on what you believe is right, not just because he is popular or everyone else is doing it.

He remembers:

Having your own opinion, even if it’s different from others, is power. Don’t let a manipulative person make you think it’s a weakness.

3) “This or that”

Another clear sign of a highly narcissistic individual is seeing the world through “either or.” “Nuance is lost” in narcissistic people, Dr. Neuwirth says.

They only see things in extremes, which means they do not see any middle ground that allows for different opinions or alternative options.

Dr. Neuharth explains that they do this because of the feeling of power they get from the divide-and-conquer strategy.

When you experience this, show them that the world is not completely black and white – there are many shades in between.

If they insist on clinging to their extreme views, stay calm and remind them that you are always willing to talk about different ideas when they are open to them.

4) “You’re just embarrassing yourself, that’s so stupid…”

Asserting their superiority is what narcissists are all about. They can go so far as to mock or humiliate others to achieve this, Dr. Newhart says.

Saying insulting statements like this is their way of undermining your self-confidence and creating an environment where you may hesitate to speak up or share your thoughts in the future.

The best way to respond to sarcasm is with dignity and firmness. Tell them you will not tolerate their attacks.

But if their insults continue, do yourself a favor and walk away. Limit your exposure to their negativity.

5) “People like you are the problem of this world…”

If you think they’ll stop mocking and humiliating, Dr. Newhart claims otherwise.

He says some narcissists resort to dehumanizing language like this phrase to categorize others as lesser or unworthy, to justify their mistreatment or disdain for these individuals.

There is no other way to respond to this than to confront the behavior directly.

Emphasize your worth and highlight the inappropriateness of their dehumanizing language.

6) “I know I’m right unless I can prove otherwise…”

This phrase and others like it are what Dr. Newhart likes to call the “burden of proof” approach.

They do this to avoid having to prove their claims or to shift the focus away from their actions.

It’s a tricky tactic designed to drain your energy by making you defend your position until you surrender – and the end is exactly what they hope for.

If you encounter someone like this, challenge them to their own game by insisting on providing evidence to support their claim.

7) “You are too smart for anyone to manipulate you.”

When you hear this, think of it as a giant billboard warning you to be careful.

Dr. Newhart warns that narcissists believe others are just as susceptible to flattery as they are.

When a narcissist says this, this is what they mean:

“I would like you to feel confident about your insight and intelligence so that it will be easy for me to accept my suggestions and difficult for you to understand and reject them.”

Here’s a good rule:

When a compliment precedes a request, it is likely to be insincere.

Remember, true admiration does not serve an ulterior motive.

8) “You’re out of your mind for thinking that way!”

Like a compliment, when someone tells you that, don’t believe it right away.

Dr. Newhart says this phrase is used by narcissists to cover up the fact that they don’t understand what you’re saying.

Instead of acknowledging your confusion, he says, they prefer to question your sanity or rationality, to create a power imbalance where your thoughts and feelings are deemed less valid or credible.

Minimize the effectiveness of this tactic by maintaining your confidence and demanding respectful communication.

9) “But you said…”

This phrase is often followed by something you said but is expressed in a completely different context or is selectively edited.

Dr. Newhart identifies this as a classic tactic of narcissists and they use it to discredit others.

When you notice that your words have been taken out of context, clarify what you said and the circumstances surrounding it.

Be clear and consistent in your communications to avoid giving them material to manipulate.

10) “You’re too sensitive”

Narcissists use labeling to dismiss and belittle your feelings or reactions.

Calling you overly sensitive is one way they do this.

It’s a trick they like to use to invalidate your feelings but also to indicate that your reaction is an overreaction, causing them to appear to be reacting rationally.

Don’t fall into this trap by respecting and trusting your feelings. Let them know that their attempts to label you will not validate your feelings or concerns.

As Dr. Neuharth says, narcissists love labels, and making it clear that their labels have no power over you instantly strips them of the power they think they have.

11) “Let’s compromise”

It’s important to consider the context when you hear this phrase because it can come from positive intentions.

The key to distinguishing between an innocent statement and a narcissistic statement is to consider how fair the suggestion is.

When narcissists offer a compromise, they often favor them greatly, Dr. Newhart says. So, if you think about it carefully, it’s not a real compromise.

They throw around the word “compromise” to trick you into thinking they are being fair, thus pressuring you to agree to less than what is fair or deserved.

Again, evaluate the fairness of their suggestion and stand firm on your original position.

Remember, assertiveness is crucial when dealing with narcissists.

12) “I promise…”

Like the previous phrase, context is important with this one.

Dr. Newhart warns that narcissists are good at making promises without the intention of keeping them. These empty promises are used to temporarily satisfy you and avoid conflict or direct responsibility.

So how do you react to this?

Take note of patterns in their promises and follow them.

But don’t stop there.

It’s also a good idea to hold them accountable by setting clear deadlines and consequences for not meeting commitments.

If this pattern continues, you are probably dealing with a narcissist.

so, what are you doing?

Take the narcissist’s promise with a grain of salt. Reduce your reliance on their words and adjust your expectations accordingly.

13) “Can’t you see I don’t have time for this?”

Psychologist Dr. Ramani Durvasula says that the word “this” in this phrase could be anything.

She asserts that narcissists are all about entitlement and lack of empathy, which causes them to dismiss the needs of another person.

This phrase and other similar words are what they often use to express a feeling of self-importance. They want you to think that their time is more valuable than yours.

Respond by acknowledging their busy schedule but also by reiterating the importance of the matter.

But don’t get your hopes up.

Narcissists are unlikely to make time for you unless it’s for something they need, Dr. Durvasula says.

14) “Do you know who you are dealing with?”

Another entry from Dr. Durvasula is that narcissists use statements like these to create “an illusion of power and a feeling of fear within you.”

They want to instill that they have a certain level of influence that should not be underestimated and that they serve as a hidden threat to you or anyone who might challenge them.

It is their way of instilling fear to reinforce their perceived dominance and deter anyone from opposing or scrutinizing them.

Give them a dose of their own medicine by responding confidently, expressing that you understand who you are dealing with and that you expect mutual respect in all your dealings.

15) “It’s not that I’m talking about myself, but..”

This phrase is a classic example of a narcissist’s tendency to take center stage in almost every conversation.

Dr. Durvasula calls this a “false disclaimer” and says narcissists like to use it to subtly shift the focus onto themselves while maintaining a façade of self-awareness.

When you encounter this phrase, it is important to redirect the conversation back to the original topic or to other people involved.

Acknowledge the narcissist’s statement briefly if necessary, but then forcefully guide the discussion back to make sure everyone’s views are taken into account.

Ready meals

Now that you’re familiar with these phrases that only narcissists use, you can deal with them without losing your balance.

Be aware, stay grounded, protect your boundaries, and never forget this when dealing with a narcissist: