Manipulative people are good at denying responsibility and deflecting blame. In fact, they like to blame others, and more often than not, their partner is in the crosshairs.
Since manipulators think they are great, it is never their fault when something bad happens as a result of their actions.
They come up with excuses right away, and here are some of the phrases they use to blame their partner.
1) “You’re overreacting, as usual.”
Blaming someone for overreacting is a weapon of manipulators. They downplay things as much as possible to make their mistakes seem meaningless.
Related : If you recognize these 12 behaviors, you’re dealing with a high-level manipulator
Blaming your partner for making a big deal out of nothing is extremely hurtful and invalidating, wouldn’t you agree?
Even more so if it happens all the time, which I’m sure it does. But here’s another one of their sausages:
2) “You’re too sensitive, that’s the problem.”
People like to accuse others of being too sensitive. Everyone is a snowflake these days, even though the accused are often the biggest snowflake of all.
With this statement, they are quick to dismiss their partner’s feelings, which means their feelings are exaggerated.
Manipulators once again accuse the other party of taking things too far, but this time, the reason is that they are too sensitive.
3) “You always make things difficult”
If someone wants to push their partner’s buttons, all they have to do is say something like this.
I mean, even if that’s true, there are other ways to say it, right?
But manipulators don’t care about hurting other people’s feelings, so why should they care about their partner’s feelings anyway?
Above all, manipulators are incredibly selfish and always see how to trample on others to get what they want.
4) “I wouldn’t have done it if you hadn’t…”
Now, that’s a doozy, isn’t it? It’s just a direct way to make excuses by blaming the other person.
It’s as if they’re saying, “I did this because you made me do it,” and they’re putting the responsibility on their partner.
For example, the manipulator spends a lot of money all the time, yet he blames his partner for pressuring him to buy things.
Or they get annoyed with them, and now they say that their partner is at fault for bothering them all day.
5) “You’re the one who started this argument.”
Now, this phrase shifts blame by claiming that the partner started the argument. They avoid taking responsibility for their role in the dispute.
This fits the pattern perfectly, doesn’t it?
It also does a great job of steering the conversation in the other direction. Now, the battle is about who started the argument first and not about what the argument was about in the first place.
7) “If you had been more understanding, this would not have happened.”
Manipulators love projection, don’t they? In this case, they expect that the partner is not empathetic and it is not him.
In other words, they imply that problems arise because the other person lacks empathy. But, to anyone who knows the juggler well, it’s obvious that they call the kettle black, right?
There are simply no “if”, “but” or “maybe” statements about it.
8) “I did it because you never listened to me.”
Again, this is the classic projection from the manipulator. They are often the ones who are not actively listening.
In fact, they only listen to others so that they can extract valuable information for further manipulation and not because they care about others or their issues.
Related : If someone uses these 8 phrases, they’re seeking control in a relationship
With this statement, they are simply blaming their partner for their actions, indicating that they have no choice but to act a certain way because of their partner’s lack of concern.
9) “It’s your fault for not being clear.”
Claiming that they were not informed or did not understand the instructions is another tactic.
It places all the blame on the partner if any confusion occurs, ignoring the possibility that miscommunication is a shared responsibility.
It doesn’t matter how clear the instructions are. If they make a mistake, you can bet that they will be the excuse for making the mistake and not the person who made the mistake themselves.
10) “I did what I did because of your actions.”
Excuses, excuses, excuses. This shifts the focus from personal choices to the partner’s behavior, suggesting that his or her actions forced the reaction.
So, for example, they might blame their partner in this way: “I didn’t come home on time because you always nag me about punctuality. Your constant reminders create unnecessary pressure.
In fact, they are the real victims here because they are poor people who were under a lot of pressure, right? If he’s a normal person, that’s okay, he might feel pressured.
But for manipulators, it’s just another excuse.
11) “You’re imagining things, it’s no big deal.”
Now we come to something interesting – gaslighting. Although this term has only gained popularity in the past two decades, it is something manipulators have been doing since the dawn of time.
They downplay the situation and suggest that the other person is misinterpreting things, making their concerns seem unimportant:
They are just imagining things, and there is nothing to see.
12) “I only react to the way you treat me”
In this case, the manipulator points out their partner’s behavior, reducing personal responsibility for how they choose to respond.
They were the victim again because their partner abused them. But if you know manipulators and their methods and behaviors, you know that they are the ones committing all the abuse.
It’s just about who they are and everything they do is to serve the “greater good.” In their case, this is always sex, money, power, influence, or all of them.
They push people to do what they want them to do using passive aggression, guilt tripping, love bombing, selective amnesia, the silent treatment, and much more.
13) “You should know better instead of causing trouble”
With this statement, they place all the responsibility on their partner to avoid conflicts, oversimplifying the dynamics of the relationship and neglecting shared responsibility in solving problems.
In other words, it’s not their fault again. They were on the receiving end of the argument, and any mistakes or harmful actions they took were not the point.
The real point is that the partner should not put too much effort into the issue. They should have been more supportive.
14) “If you were more supportive, I wouldn’t act this way.”
This suggests that a partner’s lack of support is the main reason for taking certain actions. They ignore accountability and ignore the fact that people make their own choices.
In this case, the manipulator had a choice to do something or not. They now try to blame everything on their partner and make them seem unsupportive.
Again, if they’re not who we’re talking about, you can make an argument for that person. But because we know they are manipulative, we know they don’t care about things like whether or not someone has their back.
15) “You’re the one who needs to change, not me.”
Finally, they are idealistic, and everyone around them is wrong and needs to change.
For this reason, with this statement they avoid admitting personal mistakes by insisting that it is the other person who needs to change.
It also completely distracts attention from their actions and behaviors.
finalthoughts
Living with a manipulator or being in a relationship with someone is not easy. I can’t even imagine what life is like for their partners.
Many of them do not realize that their loved ones are manipulative until it is too late. At that point, it becomes more difficult to get out of their grip.
Often, the only solution is for the manipulator to find a “better” victim. A new person they will focus all their attention on in the future.
