Master manipulators have a way of luring you in so that you feel obligated to stay by their side, no matter what they do to you. This is because they become aware of exactly what to say when you try to criticize their toxic behavior.
If anyone says one of the following statements to you, you may be a victim of their manipulation tactics.
Here are 15 phrases manipulative people use to make you trust them:
- “You don’t trust me?”
Manipulative people usually only say this when they have something to hide. They are often used to back their victims into a corner.
If you feel pressured and answer, “Yes, I trust you,” the manipulator has permission to continue doing whatever made you anxious in the first place. Responding with, “No, I don’t trust you,” puts your entire relationship in jeopardy even though you were honest.
When someone says, “Don’t you trust me?” What they’re actually saying is, “I would feel guilty asking for your reassurance to do something that I know would violate your boundaries.”
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“An extreme example of this is that you pay some girls to hit someone, but they have to pretend to lose as soon as you come in and start defending it.”
Erin explains that when a manipulator shows that they will always come to your rescue, even though they planned the whole situation to end this way, they instantly gain the trust of their victims.
“They immediately say, ‘This person is there for me because she saved me,’” she says. “You don’t know that they created the problem, but you know that they saved you.”
- “No one understands you like me.”
You know that’s not true because the truth is that no one understands you better than you understand yourself, no matter how close you are to someone. No one, not even a master manipulator, is a mind reader.
However, they may want to claim it as fact in order to make you feel as if you have no one else to turn to but them.
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- “You’re paranoid.”
Telling someone they are paranoid in response to concerns about your behavior falls under a gaslighting tactic. Gaslighting makes one question the reality of the emotional abuse they face from the manipulator and questions their legitimate concerns.
“If your partner said or did something to intentionally hurt you and you confronted him later, it would be cathartic if he said, ‘That never happened’ or ‘Oh my God, you’re crazy!'” Janika Vesely, founder of Amavi Therapy Center, told Insider. The response is not only meant to be a denial, but also makes you wonder if the scenario really happened.”
- “Let me tell you a secret.”
This phrase may seem honorable if someone says it to you because it makes you think they are trusting you with sensitive information. However, manipulators often use this phrase to lure their victims.
When a manipulator tells his or her victim a secret, the victim will feel or be prompted to begin revealing their own secrets in return. The most disturbing part is that the manipulator often tells a secret that is not true.
- “I’ve never felt so connected to anyone else the way I do with you.”
While this may seem like a heart-warming statement to hear from someone, it is usually a signal to ring alarm bells.
People may say this to manipulate another person’s feelings or actions, such as to gain their trust, attention, or favor, even when they don’t really feel that way. They can also use this phrase to manipulate a person’s emotions, keeping them emotionally attached while not being completely committed or honest.
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- “People who say bad things about me are just trying to tear us apart.”
Not everyone will like you and that’s okay. However, if you hurt them emotionally or physically, their reasons are valid. They may warn people currently in your life and tell them about their experiences with you as a common courtesy.
This does not necessarily mean that they are trying to tear you apart from them. However, manipulative people may think so.
By framing negative comments as simply a consequence of others’ actions, the manipulator distracts attention from his or her own behavior.
This phrase can also be a form of emotional manipulation because it instills a feeling of mistrust toward anyone who has negative opinions about the manipulator, thus isolating the victim from other viewpoints and support networks. It also invalidates potentially real concerns shared by others.
- “I’m really very sorry [about any issue out of their control].”
If someone apologizes for things that are completely out of their control, like bad weather or traffic, this is actually a form of manipulation.
- “I’ve always been there for you.”
A manipulator often says this phrase when he wants to trap his victims in a relationship. Even if they are always there for their victims, it doesn’t mean they asked them to. They certainly should not feel obligated to stay because of the choice made by their manipulator.
However, this phrase can instill feelings of guilt in some people, believing that they must respond in kind to the actions the manipulator has shown them.
- “You’re the only person I tell this to.”
In healthy and transparent communication, people should feel comfortable sharing their thoughts and feelings without resorting to manipulative tactics.
Manipulative people use this phrase to create a sense of false uniqueness and emotional pressure on their victims. It aims to make the victim feel special and special as if he or she is the only person who can be trusted with something like this, even if he or she has already told others.
By emphasizing that information is exclusive, the manipulator can put emotional pressure on his or her victim, meaning that he or she must respond in a certain way because he or she is the chosen confidant.
- “You misunderstood what you said.”
Everyone has the right to their own feelings and interpretations of things said to them, whether they are intended to hurt them or not.
When someone is hurt by something a manipulative person said to them, the manipulative person will do anything to justify their actions, rather than reassure and comfort their victims. This phrase makes the victim feel as if he or she was wrong for simply expressing their opinion.
- “I’m just trying to help you.”
This phrase makes the manipulator – not you – feel better about themselves.
This statement is used to condemn or pressure someone into accepting help they may not want or need, all while the manipulator can convince themselves that they are doing a good thing.
For example, if someone says they need space or time alone to process their feelings, and you respond with, “I’m just trying to help you,” while continuing to ask you for help, that’s manipulation.
You may not know exactly how to help people in certain situations, and that’s okay. Admitting that you’re not sure how to help and asking what you can do for them is the best thing you can do.
- “You’re overthinking this, trust me.”
How can you trust someone who repeatedly crosses your boundaries by saying statements like that? If you’re feeling particularly overwhelmed by a situation, it’s not uncommon to overthink. Your mind is likely to travel to seemingly irrational places that others may not understand.
