Narcissists are known for their manipulative tactics and cunning charm. But did you know that they often use complex mind games to lure their victims?
You may feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells, or find yourself questioning your sanity while interacting with her.
You may be wondering if these are just normal human flaws or if are there more sinister mind games going on.
After much reflection on my encounters with narcissists and hearing countless stories from others who have had similar experiences, I have compiled a list of 15 clever mind games that narcissists play to trap you in their web.
If these things ring a bell, it may be time to reevaluate your relationships and take steps to protect your mental and emotional health.
1) Gaslighting
If there’s one tactic virtually synonymous with narcissists, it’s gaslighting.
This is a manipulative tactic where the narcissist makes you doubt your sanity.
They will deny what happened, contradict themselves, and blatantly lie, all while maintaining a facade of honesty.
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the goal? To make you doubt your memory, your perception, and your reality. It’s a powerful and dangerous game they play, designed to undermine your self-confidence and make you more vulnerable to their control.
For me, learning about gaslighting was a pivotal moment.
It helped me understand that what I was experiencing was not normal or acceptable and gave me the strength to start resisting manipulation.
2) Triangulation
Another mind game narcissists play is triangulation.
This technique involves using a third person to validate their point of view and invalidate yours. In essence, they are creating a triangle of tension, where they are at the top.
The narcissist may bring another person into the dynamic by speaking poorly about you or by comparing you unfavorably with this third party.
This may leave you feeling insecure and desperate to regain the narcissist’s approval.
In my personal experience, understanding this tactic allowed me to see the narcissist’s actions for what they were—manipulation—instead of believing that I was the problem.
3) Love bombing
Here’s something you may not know.
The early stages of a relationship with a narcissist can seem like a whirlwind romance.
They shower you with affection, praise, and grand gestures. This tactic is known as love bombing.
It’s designed to sweep you off your feet and make you feel special.
However, this is not true affection, but rather a tactic to control you and make you dependent on their approval.
When the love bombing starts suddenly, it can stop, leaving you craving that affection and approval again.
This cycle can be incredibly harmful, but recognizing it for what it is can be the first step toward liberation.
4) Playing the victim
We move on to the next trick up their sleeve: playing the victim.
You see, narcissists love attention and will go to any lengths to get it, even if it means playing the innocent victim.
Take my former colleague for example. He was known for shirking responsibilities, and when confronted, would skillfully turn the tables by playing the misunderstood victim.
Suddenly, he wasn’t at fault for missing deadlines; It was everyone who did not understand his “unique” working style.
It’s a clever game to distract attention from their shortcomings and garner sympathy. But don’t be fooled, this is just another trap in their web of manipulation.
5) Projection
Narcissists have an uncanny ability to project their fears onto others.
It’s really sad.
Deep down, they are battling a world of insecurity and self-doubt. Instead of addressing these issues, they project them onto those around them.
Imagine this: someone who constantly criticizes your appearance or makes fun of your ambitions. It’s painful and can lower your self-esteem.
But remember, it’s not about you.
It’s about them and their insecurities. It’s a defense mechanism, a way they can overcome their shortcomings by making others feel small.
Realizing this can help maintain your self-esteem and remind you that this is their problem, not yours.
6) The silent treatment
The silent treatment is a universal sign of rejection or disappointment.
It’s something we’ve all probably experienced at some point in our lives, whether it’s through a parent, friend, or partner.
However, when used by a narcissist, the silent treatment is not just a temporary lapse in communication. It is a calculated tactic designed to control and manipulate.
They use silence as a weapon, preventing you from communicating and making you feel guilty, anxious, and desperate for compensation.
7) Smear campaign
A smear campaign is a deliberate effort by the narcissist to discredit you.
They will spread false stories and exaggerations about you to others, with the aim of painting you in a negative light.
This can be an extremely traumatic experience, as people you care about may begin to see you differently based on the narcissist’s untrue claims.
It’s especially frustrating when the narcissist is someone you trust and love.
8) Intimidation
Intimidation is a weapon that narcissists use with frightening efficiency.
They use threats, tantrums, and aggressive behavior to control and manipulate their victims.
It is a form of emotional terrorism that can leave you feeling afraid, anxious, and constantly walking on eggshells.
I was there. I felt the fear that comes from being the target of narcissistic scare tactics.
It’s a painful place to be, but recognizing it for what it is – manipulation – is the first step towards liberation.
9) Idealization and underestimation
Narcissists often go through cycles of idealizing their victims and then devaluing them.
In the idealization stage, they put you on a pedestal, showering you with praise and affection. But once they start devaluing you, they will criticize, belittle and insult you.
It’s a rollercoaster ride that can leave you feeling emotionally drained and overwhelmed.
You may find yourself constantly seeking to regain the narcissist’s approval, without realizing that it is a game you cannot win.
10) Pretending to be innocent
When confronted, narcissists often feign innocence or act stupid.
They will act as if they have no idea why you are upset, even if their actions are clearly hurtful or wrong. This tactic is designed to make you reevaluate your feelings and reactions.
It can be very frustrating and can make you feel as if you are overreacting.
If you’ve been there, questioning your feelings, wondering if you’re in the wrong, you’re probably experiencing a mind game the narcissist is playing.
11) Use of guilt
Guilt is a powerful manipulative tool that narcissists often use to control their victims.
They will make you feel guilty for things that are not your fault, or exaggerate your mistakes to make you feel bad about yourself.
the aim? To make you feel indebted to them, thus gaining more control over you.
12) Divide and conquer
Emperors and kings have used the “divide and rule” strategy throughout history, but narcissists have adapted it to suit their personal battles.
Narcissists often use this method to isolate you from your support network.
They may spread rumours, create misunderstandings, or pit people against each other, all with the aim of making sure you are alone and dependent on them.
If you notice that your relationships with friends and family are deteriorating for no apparent reason, or if the narcissist in your life often speaks ill of those close to you, he or she is likely using a divide-and-conquer tactic.
It is a subtle but effective way to increase their control over you.
13) False mercy
Compassion is generally considered a virtue, a sign of emotional depth and understanding. But when a narcissist uses it, it can be a secret weapon in their arsenal of manipulation.
Narcissists are adept at expressing false empathy. They will seem to sympathize with your suffering and offer comforting words, but this often does not arise from genuine concern.
Instead, it serves as a means to an end for them — usually to assert control or to keep you dependent on their perceived kindness.
This can create a confusing dynamic where the narcissist appears to be your biggest support while subtly undermining your independence and self-esteem.
It’s like being stuck in a maze where every turn, no matter how promising, leads back to the narcissist.
14) False promises
Narcissists often make big promises to keep you addicted. They will promise to change, to be better, or to make up for past mistakes. However, these promises are rarely fulfilled.
It’s a heartbreaking game of hope and disappointment that can leave you feeling emotionally drained and disillusioned.
I’ve been in this situation, clinging to broken promises. But once I recognized this tactic for what it was, I was able to let it go and move on.
15) Mirroring
Last but not least, the mirror is a tactic narcissists use to win you over. They will imitate your likes, dislikes, dreams, and goals to make you think you are soulmates.
However, this is just another manipulative strategy designed to attract you. Once they hook you, they’ll often drop the act.
Emotional flexibility is your weapon here. It’s about knowing your worth, trusting your perceptions, and standing true to who you are.
Most importantly, remember that it’s okay to walk away from relationships that are harmful to your mental health.
Navigating the world of narcissistic mind games can be difficult, but remember that you are not alone. There are resources and support networks available to help you understand and cope with this complex form of emotional manipulation.
Through awareness, understanding, and self-care, you can protect yourself from the narcissistic network and create healthier relationships.
