Over time, it becomes clear that narcissists’ mind games are obvious. However, they are very difficult to spot early in a relationship.

Narcissists use a variety of manipulation techniques. For example, they initially lure you in with love bombs. Then they keep you hanging on with hot and cold behaviors designed to convince you to accept their version of reality. In this article, I’ll show you 14 signs that narcissists are playing mind games with you.

14 Signs Narcissists Are Playing Mind Games With You

1. They Blame You for Everything That’s Wrong in Their Life

The first sign that narcissists are playing mind games with you is that they blame you. Narcissists are never wrong. They will never admit to making a mistake and if someone criticizes them for their actions, the other person must be lying. Narcissists are parasites who don’t take blame for their actions.

For example:

“If you were the kind of friend I want, you wouldn’t have cheated on me. I asked you to change, but you didn’t.”

They love playing the victim. This gives them special attention, which they crave. Only narcissists feel hurt, wronged, or insulted. Placing blame on you is part of their manipulative style. It makes you question your reality. You walk on eggshells, wondering if you really are this terrible person ruining their lives.

2. They criticize your friends, then befriend them

Narcissists love to isolate their newest source of support from their network of friends and family. Removing this support is crucial, because they don’t want rational people to question their behavior. They criticize and bad-mouth your friends, making it harder for you to justify their view.

But they twist this dynamic even further. Once they’ve isolated you, they move on to your friends and charm them. This is a wicked tactic. They pounce on you and round up the friends they insisted you dump.

3. They act cold and hot towards you

Pretending to be cold and hot throws you off balance. Narcissists go from “You’re the best thing that ever happened to me” or “I can’t imagine my life without you” right away to “I want to sleep with other men” or “I never found you attractive.”

Psychologists describe this as love bombing followed by immediate devaluation.

4. They constantly change the frequency and quality of their texts

Another of the 14 signs a narcissist is playing mind games with you is that they change their texts. Early in the relationship, they send long, meaningful text messages. They engage with you; their responses will be thoughtful and measured.

Nowadays, they are short and lazy. Instead of responding with meaningful messages, they send short messages or poor quality text messages. They become less personal and more informational. They lack love and compassion. The messages can be addressed to anyone.

5. They pretend to care about you in private, then belittle you in public

Narcissists make you believe that they are the only ones who care about you. They are the only ones who understand you and what you have been through.

When you are alone with them, you feel safe and loved. Then there comes a time when they are sarcastic and cruel to you in public and you do not understand what is happening. When you are alone with them, they seem like a different person.

6. They give you just enough love to keep you attached to them, then they break up with you

Narcissists use a technique called “breadcrumbs” to keep you interested in the relationship. They give you little details here and there to make you think that there is a chance for the relationship to continue. Then they suddenly stop and withdraw that love and affection.

Finally, you’re done and at that point, they bring you back into the relationship with promises of change and declarations of eternal love, and you’re hooked again. It’s about power and control. Narcissists like to think of you as hesitant and waiting for them to make a move.

7. They criticize you “for your own good”

Constructive criticism is a valuable tool for personal growth, but not when it’s intended to undermine or damage your self-esteem. The narcissist will subtly point out your failings under the guise of “constructive feedback” or “genuine concern.”

8. They get you to open up, then use your vulnerability against you

Narcissists love to have ammunition to use against you when needed. To do this, they pretend to care about you, so you’ll open up to them and reveal your deepest secrets and fears. They’ll get you to trust them enough to become your closest confidant.

Then, once you feel relaxed and secure, they use your fears to tear you down. It doesn’t matter if you’re still in the relationship or have broken up. They use your words against you to argue while you’re still together, or to isolate you from everyone when you’re apart.

9. They Sabotage What You Do

No one can be better than a narcissist. So, if there’s any opportunity to steal their spotlight, they act immediately. They don’t want you to succeed because you’ll outshine them, and you may not need them.

Narcissists will do anything they can to sabotage you; from giving bad advice, not telling you important messages, making suggestions or comments that undermine you, or focusing on something irrelevant. Narcissists prefer you to be vulnerable because it ties you to them emotionally.

10. They Use “Triangulation” to Turn Everyone Against You

Narcissists use a tactic called “triangulation.” It’s a psychological tactic described by psychiatrist Dr. Stephen Karpman. The term was first introduced to describe the roles people play in a conflict situation:

Persecutor – someone who incites the conflict.

Victim – someone who receives the persecution.

Rescuer – a mediator who tries to resolve the conflict.

The narcissist will use a third party to influence the outcome of the conflict in his favor. Narcissists often play the victim, filtering all information, putting themselves in a positive light and casting doubt on you.

For example:

At work, the narcissist is scolded by management for being late. In response, the narcissist says that you promised to give him a ride and let him down.

11. There’s one rule for you and one rule for them

Narcissists make rules as soon as they establish a relationship. But these rules only apply to you. If you don’t follow them, it will cause problems.

For example, they will insist that you are an exclusive couple; not only that, they will accuse you of cheating on them multiple times. Then you find out that they have been sleeping with other people. When you confront them, they blame you. You are so smothering. They felt trapped. You left them alone, and they felt alone.

They may expect an immediate response when they text you, but they take hours or even ignore your messages. If you complain, they will say that they are busy at work and you shouldn’t be so needy.

12. They don’t want you to go out, but they can’t leave you home alone

As narcissists become more controlling, they will insist on imposing more and more ridiculous rules on you. One example of this is that they won’t want you to accompany them to parties or gatherings because you are so attractive that other people might like you. Or they can’t trust you so you don’t go and have sex with everyone you meet.

However, they can’t leave you at home because who knows who you’ll text while they’re out. They can’t enjoy the party because they’re so worried about what you’re doing behind their back. How are you supposed to negotiate this dilemma? Either way, it’s your fault.

13. They intentionally provoke you

Drama and conflict are narcissists’ best friends. They provoke you like a cat playing with a dead mouse. Narcissists feed on negative energy. It recharges their batteries.

The more frustrated and upset you are, the more they love it. When you get angry, they smile; when you cry, they laugh. Imagine being stuck in a spider’s web and the spiders are at the edge of the web, watching you struggle while manipulating the environment around you.

14. They’re active on social media but ignoring you

Narcissists love to be passive-aggressive. It’s another form of manipulation and makes you question the validity of your feelings. If you’re on social media and you can see the narcissist is online but not responding to your past, they’ll just say they’re busy and the world doesn’t revolve around you.

You start to think, maybe you’re overreacting? Maybe you shouldn’t be so sensitive?

FinalThoughts

If you notice any of the 14 signs that a narcissist is playing mind games with you, my advice is to end the relationship. Use the Grey Rock method and cut off all contact. Seriously, they’re not worth your time or effort.