Dealing with family dynamics can be difficult, but when you add a narcissistic grandparent to the mix, it becomes a whole new challenge. Narcissistic individuals often have an inflated sense of self-importance, lack empathy, and use manipulation to control others. Unfortunately, their behavior can extend to their interactions with your children, leaving lasting scars. Here’s an in-depth look at how a narcissistic grandparent can hurt your children — and what you can do to protect them.

1. Undermining Parental Authority

A narcissistic grandparent may not respect your role as a parent. She may subtly (or not so subtly) undermine your authority, often speaking negatively about your parenting choices to your children. This behavior can confuse your children, causing them to question your decisions and trust your leadership. It can create a rift in your relationship with your children, as they may begin to view you as less capable or less trustworthy than the grandmother who is constantly undermining you.

2. Creating Emotional Dependency

One of the most insidious tactics a narcissistic grandmother uses is to foster emotional dependency. She may manipulate your child into believing that she alone understands them or that her love alone is unconditional. This can leave your children feeling conflicted—torn between their loyalty to you and their grandmother’s emotional manipulation. The longer this dynamic continues, the harder it will be for children to form healthy, independent emotional bonds.

3. Overstepping Boundaries

Narcissists often struggle to respect boundaries, and this extends to their relationships with grandchildren. A narcissistic grandmother may invade your child’s personal space, control their activities, or push them into situations where they feel uncomfortable. Over time, this lack of respect for boundaries can lead to issues with your child’s personal space and self-esteem, affecting their ability to assert themselves in future relationships.

4. Manipulating Your Child

Manipulating your child is a form of psychological manipulation that makes someone doubt their reality. Narcissistic grandmothers often use this tactic to maintain control. They may make your child feel like their feelings are invalid or that their perceptions of reality are wrong. For example, if your child expresses discomfort about a situation, a grandmother may say, “You’re just exaggerating,” or “It didn’t happen the way you think it did.” This confusion can damage a child’s ability to trust their instincts and feelings.

5. Favoritism and Manipulation

Narcissistic individuals thrive on attention and admiration. To get this, a narcissistic grandmother may show clear favoritism toward one grandchild over another. She may shower one child with praise and affection while ignoring or belittling others. This favoritism can foster sibling rivalry, feelings of inadequacy, and resentment in your children. For the favored child, it can create an unrealistic sense of entitlement and insecurity as they grow.

6. Exploiting Guilt

A narcissistic grandmother knows how to exploit guilt to get what she wants. She may make your children feel like they owe her something, whether it’s time, affection, or attention. This can lead to feelings of guilt, where the child feels like they must constantly perform or please their grandmother in order to avoid feeling guilty or criticized. This can lead to long-term issues with anxiety, self-esteem, and an inability to say no to people.

7. Competing for Control

Instead of working together to create a loving and supportive environment for your children, a narcissistic grandmother may compete with you for control. She may try to dominate decisions about the child’s schedule, what they wear, or who they spend time with. By trying to outdo you as a parent, she can create confusion and stress for the child, who may not know who to listen to and may begin to feel overwhelmed by conflicting messages.

8. Encouraging Disrespect Towards You

A narcissistic grandmother may actively encourage your children to challenge your rules and disrespect your authority. For example, she may make comments like, “Why does mommy/dad always say no?” or “You shouldn’t listen to them if you don’t want to.” This can create a toxic atmosphere in your home, where your children don’t learn to respect authority or the importance of family boundaries, potentially damaging their relationship with you in the process.

See also: 10 Shocking Reasons Narcissists Never Mature Emotionally

9. Emotional Blackmail

Narcissistic individuals use emotional blackmail to control others. A narcissistic grandmother may use threats of withdrawing love or affection to get what she wants. For example, she may say things like, “If you don’t spend time with me, I’ll be really upset,” or “I might not be around much longer, and you’ll regret not spending time with me.” This type of manipulation places a huge emotional burden on your child and can lead to feelings of guilt, anxiety, and fear.

10. Predisposition to Narcissistic Traits

Children learn by example, and a narcissistic grandmother may inadvertently encourage narcissistic behaviors in your child. By prioritizing her own needs, emotions, and desires above all else, she may set an unhealthy example for your child, who may begin to imitate these behaviors. This can lead to them developing a sense of entitlement, lacking empathy, or having difficulty forming healthy relationships as they get older.

11. Planting Seeds of Insecurity

A narcissistic grandmother often thrives on making others feel inadequate. You may subtly criticize your child’s appearance, intelligence, or abilities, reinforcing feelings of insecurity and inadequacy. Over time, this can erode a child’s self-esteem, leading to problems with body image, academic performance, and social relationships. This criticism can often be disguised as “helpful advice,” making it difficult for a child to recognize the harm it is causing.

12. Overemphasizing the child’s accomplishments

A narcissistic grandmother may take credit for your child’s accomplishments or be overly empathetic. If your child excels at something, the grandmother may say, “They got that from me” or act as if the child’s success is a reflection of their own worth. This can put undue pressure on your child, who may feel like they need to live up to their grandmother’s expectations rather than pursue their own passions and interests.

13. Encouraging manipulative behavior

Narcissists are known for manipulating situations to their advantage. A narcissistic grandmother may teach your child to use similar tactics. For example, she may encourage your child to act out or emotionally manipulate you to get what she wants. This can set the stage for toxic and manipulative behavior in their own relationships, as they may believe these tactics are normal or acceptable ways to interact with others.

14. Creating a Divided Family

Finally, a narcissistic grandmother’s behavior can create divisions within the family. By favoritism, emotional manipulation, and drama, she can divide family members, pitting one person against another. This can lead to tension and conflict, leaving your child caught in the middle. The longer this behavior continues, the more difficult it becomes for the child to navigate these complex relationships, and it can impact future family dynamics and emotional well-being.

How to Protect Your Children

If you notice these behaviors in your child’s narcissistic grandmother, it’s essential to take steps to protect your children. Set firm boundaries with your mother or mother-in-law, and be consistent in enforcing them. Limit your child’s exposure to her toxic behavior, and when necessary, have open conversations with your children about what’s happening. Teach them about healthy relationships and encourage them to express their feelings in a safe, supportive environment.

While it can be difficult to confront a narcissistic family member, the mental and emotional health of your children is worth the effort. By recognizing the harmful behaviors of a narcissistic grandparent and setting clear boundaries, you can help ensure that your children grow up with a strong sense of self-worth and the tools they need to navigate relationships in a healthy way.

Conclusion

A narcissistic grandparent can have a lasting negative impact on your children if left unchecked. By understanding the ways her behavior can harm your children, you are better equipped to protect them from emotional manipulation and unhealthy dynamics. Set boundaries, educate your children, and seek support when necessary. Your children deserve to grow up in a loving, supportive environment—one where their emotional needs are respected and nurtured.

See also: How the Narcissist Plays the Hero in Their Own Story