Are you always monitoring your boyfriend’s whereabouts? Do you get annoyed when he spends time with his friends instead of with you?
Look:
There’s nothing wrong with wanting your partner to be all to yourself; it’s part of a committed relationship. But it’s important to be careful about how clingy you are.
After all:
You may not realize it, but being overly demanding and controlling of your boyfriend can quickly turn your relationship toxic.
What’s the catch?
It’s hard to notice that you’re being a toxic friend without someone reminding you.
What you think is a loving gesture for your partner’s sake could be toxic and destructive behavior.
That’s why reflecting on your behavior can help keep it healthy and happy for both of you.
So here are 14 ways to tell if you’re more of a toxic friend than you think.
- You tend to snoop around in their room
When you visit their room, do you get curious about their stuff?
Do you start touching things you know you shouldn’t? Now, being their friend has its perks, like moving things around and making organizational suggestions.
There’s nothing wrong with asking your partner about things in their room—who’s in that picture frame, where they got their medals, what band posters they have.
It’s fair to ask about these things out of curiosity and to get to know your partner better, but when you’re trying to find something?
As if they’re hiding something from you? This could be a sign of distrust.
Another example:
When your partner leaves their phone behind, do you feel the need to check it to read notifications?
This is an invasion of their privacy and a sign that you don’t trust them, a common trait among toxic friends.
- You can’t stand being wrong
You believe in the idea that you always have to be right.
While this may be a reason for your relationship to last for a short period, it can have serious consequences.
Why?
Because it can lead you to avoid taking responsibility for your mistakes. Maybe at one point, you were responsible for steering the way but you both took the wrong path. Maybe you were wrong there, but if you say he was just a bad driver, that’s toxic.
The bottom line is this:
Taking responsibility, saying you were wrong, and apologizing for your actions are things that everyone needs to learn to do to truly mature and stop being toxic. If you haven’t been able to do that yet, it could mean that you still need time to grow.
- You’re always anxious about your relationship
When you’re walking together in public and you notice your partner glancing at another woman, you immediately become anxious.
Then you might act cold towards him, ignoring him. You probably didn’t want to admit it, but you were jealous of the way he looked at another woman.
The worst part? Even though this doesn’t mean anything, you’re immediately shocked and anxious, and scared for the relationship.
This is a clear sign that you have trust issues with your partner and the relationship.
It’s a toxic trait that will likely cause problems in the relationship in the future.
- A professional relationship coach confirms it
Look, it’s not easy to be objective when it comes to assessing your behavior. And even if you go through the various signs I describe in this article, you may not want to admit to yourself that you’re a toxic friend.
So, how can you know?
One way to be sure is to ask a professional relationship coach for their opinion. Instead of lying to yourself or failing to recognize the signs that you’re a toxic friend, reach out to someone at Relationship Hero.
RELATED:Three Signs of a Highly Sensitive Narcissist
Describe your behavior to your relationship coach and rest assured that they will give you an honest answer based on their extensive experience.
What if you’re toxic?!
If your coach confirms your suspicions, it’s not the end of the world. You can ask him to help you come up with a plan to become a better friend and get rid of your toxic traits. So, don’t panic! Connect with one of their coaches and start working on yourself as soon as possible.
- Breaking up is your go-to threat
Be honest:
Do you threaten to break up with him whenever you have a heated argument? In every argument you have, you always seem to issue the same ultimatum: Either he does what you want or you break up.
You use this threat a lot and sometimes it works. Other times, your partner may have already decided to break up because he’s tired of your behavior. This is one of the most obvious signs that you might be a bit toxic and even manipulative with your partner.
- You avoid conflict
Not all conflicts in a relationship are bad. Often, during these disagreements, partners can come to a better arrangement for their relationship and even come out of them better than before. But not for you. You don’t like conflicts. You’re afraid that if you start getting angry with each other, you’ll break up. So you bottle up your feelings instead.
But the truth is:
Healthy relationships have an open line of communication.
- You know how to manipulate your partner
You know what song to play to get him emotional and ready to do your bidding. You know when to cry to get him to do what you want him to do or to extract his forgiveness. You think these are harmless little things but in reality, they are toxic and manipulative behavior.
After all:
It’s a way for you to get what you want from him unfairly.
- You criticize your partner a lot
Maybe your partner drew you a special drawing, even if he’s not very good at drawing. Before accepting him, you mock him and criticize his skills. Sure, there may be some bad stuff there, but he just drew it for you.
See:
There’s a fine line between constructive criticism and not appreciating what he’s done for you. Your criticism may have hurt him inside, but you’re just trying to play it off as a joke.
This is classic toxic behavior.
- You’re always monitoring the relationship
You’re monitoring every “I love you,” every time they open the door for you, every time you give them a gift and they give you a gift.
You use these metrics against him when you’re having a relationship problem.
The big deal? Counting these moments downplays their value. Author William Bruce Cameron once said, “Everything that can be counted doesn’t necessarily count; everything that matters can’t necessarily be counted.”
If the only reason you’re pursuing things in your relationship is to see who has the “upper hand,” you’re in a relationship for the wrong reason.
- You can’t stand to be apart—even for one night
Even when they want to spend the night away, drinking with their friends, you can’t stand it.
You ask them to stay with you instead. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be with your partner, you may still be clinging too much to them.
The bottom line is this:
When you always need them to be there for you, it encourages codependency, which isn’t always healthy in a relationship.
- You’re always trying to fix your partner
First, you might suggest what they should wear.
They take your suggestion because they trust you.
Then you suggest what music they should listen to instead of their favorite music because you think your suggestions are better.
While they may disagree, they may They agree to it because they trust you.
This pattern continues until it reaches the point where you dictate every outfit, reaction, and move they make.
Understand that it’s not anyone’s responsibility to “fix” another person.
While it may seem like they’re different or doing things “wrong,” remember that people have their preferences.
You don’t set a standard for others. It’s toxic to think that you do.
- You always get what you want
If you want to dine out at a fancy restaurant, you don’t care how little your partner can afford.
And you both eat the meal you want because you can’t stand the smell of their favorite dishes.
The only thing this reinforces is an imbalance in the relationship.
All are demanding and not giving.
The painful truth?
When relationships are out of balance, that’s when problems can start to arise.
- You expect perfection
You told your partner you loved sunflowers but they accidentally gave you yellow tulips instead.
Or when he takes a sip of hot coffee, he always makes that annoying “ah” sound afterward.
These things might seem minor to others. But you’re ready to end your relationship because of them.
Talk about overkill!
You always demand that your partner be perfect, otherwise you feel like you two won’t work together and that you should end the relationship before it gets any worse.
The problem with this thinking is that no one is perfect.
If you can’t see that, it might be one of your more toxic traits.
- You can’t seem to sustain long-term relationships
Have you been on a string of short-term relationships lately?
Are you wondering where all the good guys are and why you can’t seem to find one?
If you keep getting into relationships that don’t last, the problem might not be with your dating pool; it might be with you.
There must be a reason why people keep breaking up with you.
If you haven’t taken the time to reflect on yourself and instead keep jumping from one relationship to another, it’s time to take a break first.
Try to understand why these relationships didn’t work out before.
Did they all have similarly distant situations before ending the relationship? Did they all say they were sick of you?
If you continue to treat your partners in a toxic way, don’t be surprised to see them leave you regularly.
Admitting that you’re the toxic one in the relationship isn’t easy.
It will take putting your ego aside to see the truth.
But as with all problems, admitting is the first step.
You can learn to be more tolerant of your partners.
