Narcissists rarely apologize because they’re not doing anything wrong, and it’s all your fault, but if they do apologize, it’s not because they’re sorry.
A narcissist’s apology is almost always fake. Sometimes, it’s very obvious, and sometimes, they subtly shift the blame onto you. In the end, it’s always your fault.
Here are 13 ways (and 39 examples) of what narcissists say when they apologize. How many of these have you heard from narcissists?
1 The Watered-Down Apology
“I’m sorry if I upset you”
When narcissists say, “I’m sorry if I upset you,” they’re often downplaying the impact of their actions, subtly suggesting that your feelings are the problem, not their behavior. They’re avoiding responsibility, making it about your reactions, not their actions.
“I’m sorry if you found that upsetting”
Basically, they’re evading responsibility while making you question your own perceptions.
“Sorry, but you’re too sensitive”
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Often, a narcissist’s apology may come with a caveat, where they say, “I’m sorry, but you’re too sensitive,” effectively minimizing the impact of their actions and shifting the blame onto your perceived sensitivity.
2 The Avoidant Apology
This is when the narcissist apologizes in a way that shifts the blame onto you.
They’re not really apologizing for their actions but for your response to their actions.
“I’m sorry you feel this way”
When a narcissist says, “I’m sorry you feel this way,” this is a classic example of an avoidant apology. They’re not expressing remorse for their actions. Instead, they’re subtly blaming you for your feelings.
“I’m sorry you misunderstood”
Here, they’re not expressing remorse for their actions but rather implying that it’s your fault for not understanding them correctly.
“I’m sorry you’re upset about this”
Instead of acknowledging the mistake, they’re saying that your upset is the problem. They avoid personal responsibility, putting the onus on you to deal with the emotional consequences of their behavior.
3 The Burden-Shifting Apology
You’ve probably experienced this when someone regrets your reaction but not their actions.
It’s a clever way to avoid responsibility while pretending to apologize.
“I’m sorry you felt offended.”
Instead of admitting wrongdoing, they blame you, making the offense their problem.
It’s a clever way to avoid responsibility, maintain control, and leave you wondering about your feelings and reactions.
“I’m sorry you can’t handle jokes.”
Here, they’re not apologizing for their actions. They’re blaming you for not understanding their “sense of humor.”
“I feel bad that you couldn’t see my point of view.”
They’re exaggerating the situation, making it seem like you’re at fault for disagreeing with them.
4 Apologizing Equally
This strategy attempts to distribute blame equally, even when it’s inappropriate.
“You have to admit, you were…”
The narcissist may say, “You have to admit, you were…” followed by an accusation. They are not apologizing, they are shifting the responsibility onto you.
It’s a tactic to distract from guilt, maintain control, and avoid real remorse.
“We both made mistakes, and I apologize for my part.”
“We both made mistakes, and I apologize for my part” is used by narcissists to maintain the appearance of taking responsibility.
This cleverly crafted, fair-sounding apology allows them to avoid taking full blame while appearing remorseful.
“I’m sorry, but you also need to apologize.”
In an equal apology, the narcissist might say, “I’m sorry, but you also need to apologize,” effectively throwing the ball of responsibility back into your court.
5 The Faltering Apology
In this scenario, they will try to shift the blame onto you with statements like, “If you hadn’t done that, I wouldn’t have done…” or “You triggered that response in me, so I’m sorry.”
It’s their way of saying, “If it weren’t for your actions, I wouldn’t have acted this way.”
“If it weren’t for your actions, I wouldn’t have acted this way.”
This apology tactic shifts the blame onto you. It’s a subtle way of saying they’re not at fault or sorry.
“I triggered that response in me, so I’m sorry.”
It’s their way of evading responsibility. They’re implying that you’re actually responsible for their inappropriate reaction.
Instead of expressing genuine remorse, they subtly blame you for provoking them.
“If it weren’t for your actions, I wouldn’t have acted that way.”
They’re essentially claiming to be “sorry,” but their “apology” is another disguised way to manipulate and control.
6 Apologizing by Shifting the Blame
This is a common tactic used by narcissists where they twist the situation, making you feel like it’s your fault and that they should be apologizing.
Sound familiar?
“I thought you knew that…”
Narcissists subtly shift the blame onto you, often using the “I thought you knew that…” approach when apologizing. They will use this tactic to make it seem like the misunderstanding was your fault.
“I’m sorry, but I assumed you knew.”
This apology isn’t genuine; it’s a manipulation strategy to make you doubt your point and feel guilty. It shifts the focus from their actions to your supposed lack of awareness or understanding.
“I thought you were okay with that, sorry.”
It’s clearly not their fault, it’s yours for not clarifying your feelings or preferences. It’s a way to avoid accountability while pretending to express remorse.
7 The Denied Apology
This is when the narcissist declares that they can’t apologize for something they believe they didn’t do, or even if they did, there’s nothing to apologize for.
Despite the accusations, they may offer an empty apology.
“I can’t say I’m sorry for something I didn’t do.”
Instead of expressing remorse, they’re essentially saying, “I’m innocent.” It’s a manipulation technique to maintain control and escape guilt.
“I didn’t do what you’re accusing me of, but I apologize anyway.”
They will insist that they didn’t do what you’re accusing them of but apologize anyway.
It’s a strategic move to evade responsibility, create confusion, and maintain control. Don’t be fooled. This isn’t remorse, it’s manipulation disguised as reconciliation.
“I have nothing to apologize for.”
They will completely ignore your feelings, making you question your perception.
8 The Reassigned Apology
This is when the narcissist shifts the blame onto you, yet makes it sound like they’re apologizing.
It’s a tactic that can make you question your actions and feel guilty, even when you weren’t at fault.
“You should have told me that…”
They’re not expressing real remorse, they’re manipulating you into feeling guilty for not stopping their behavior.
“You should have expressed your feelings at the time. I’m sorry anyway.”
Here, the narcissist is blaming you for not expressing your feelings sooner. While the phrase “I’m sorry” sounds like an apology, it’s just a way for him to evade responsibility.
This diversionary trick protects him from real remorse.
“If only I had been more clear, this wouldn’t have happened. Sorry, though.”
It’s a subtle way to shift responsibility onto you, implying that your lack of clarity caused the problem.
It’s an insincere apology, devoid of sincerity and full of subtle blame-shifting.
9 The Diversionary Apology
It starts with “I’m sorry, but…” or “I apologize, however….”
This is when the narcissist appears to apologize but quickly shifts the focus to your mistakes or perceived misunderstandings.
“I’m sorry, but…”
This apology is a manipulative tactic where they acknowledge their mistake but immediately avoid taking blame.
The “but” negates their apology, essentially saying they’re sorry, but it’s not their fault. They’re avoiding responsibility, which keeps you in a state of confusion and self-doubt.
“I’m sorry, but…”
Another common phrase narcissists use to evade accountability is “I’m sorry, but… they’re not really sorry.”
“I’m sorry, but you should see where you’re coming from.”
It’s a cunning tactic that steers the conversation away from their actions, makes you question your perspective, and subtly shifts the blame onto you.
10 Apologizing by Lecture
You’ve probably heard phrases like “I’m sorry you…” or “I apologize that you can’t see things clearly.”
These are classic examples of a narcissist’s way of “apologizing” without taking any real responsibility.
“I’m sorry that you…”
A narcissist isn’t really feeling remorse. Instead, they’re implying that you’re being overly sensitive or that you misunderstood their actions.
“I’m sorry that you can’t understand my situation.”
When a narcissist says this, they’re not apologizing; they’re lecturing you, subtly suggesting that the problem lies with you, not them.
“I apologize that you can’t see things clearly.”
This is their way of saying it. In avoiding blame, making you feel like you are the problem, not his actions or words.
11 Apologizing with veiled criticism
This happens when the narcissist masks his apology under the guise of veiled criticism.
“I’m sorry. I wouldn’t have done it if you weren’t so naive…”
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This apology isn’t sincere. It’s a veiled attack on your character or actions, shifting the blame from you to them.
“I’m sorry, but if you weren’t so naive…”
Switching the focus to another aspect of insincere apologies. This is another prime example of a disguised criticism apology.
Here, the narcissist appears to be apologizing, but they’re actually criticizing you for being naive. It’s their way of shifting the blame onto you, subtly suggesting that your naivety caused the problem, not their behavior.
“I’m sorry, but this wouldn’t have happened if you weren’t so defensive.”
Here, the narcissist appears to be apologizing, but they’re shifting the blame onto you, suggesting that your defensiveness caused the problem.
12 Sarcastic Apology
This type of apology is often laced with blame, subtly shifting the blame onto you.
“If you didn’t always do…, I wouldn’t have to…”
Here, narcissists play the victim, saying, “If you didn’t always do…, I wouldn’t have to….”
This is a cunning way to deflect responsibility, making it seem like you’re the cause of their actions, thus leaving them blameless.
“If you weren’t so stressed, I wouldn’t have to apologize.”
Often, narcissists may resort to a sarcastic apology, effectively manipulating the situation to make it seem like your behavior triggered their need to apologize.
“I’m sorry, but if you weren’t so picky, this wouldn’t be a problem.”
This “sarcasm apology” isn’t real remorse; it’s a malicious attempt to lower your standards.
13 Forced Apology
You’ve likely experienced a forced apology, where words of regret are uttered as a means to an end rather than expressing genuine remorse.
“I’m sorry. Are you happy now?”
In a forced apology, a narcissist’s insincere words can make you feel rejected and invalidated. They don’t express remorse or acknowledge any wrongdoing. Instead, they try to appease you, pushing the issue aside.
“I’m sorry, can we move on now?”
This forced apology isn’t about remorse, it’s a quick escape route.
“Okay! I’m sorry. Can we stop talking about this now?”
They’re not really remorseful. They’re trying to silence you, not acknowledge their behavior.
They’re saying, “I’m going to apologize so we can stop discussing my actions.” Don’t let this manipulation tactic deter you from discussing the issue.
FinalWords
So, that’s it. Thirteen ways narcissists apologize without actually feeling sorry. Recognizing these tactics is important to avoid falling for their manipulative games.
Always remember that a true apology involves accountability, understanding, and action toward change. Don’t settle for less. Keep your self-esteem high and demand the apology you deserve. Your worth is not determined by someone’s inability to admit their mistakes.
