Unlike overt narcissists, covert narcissists are difficult to spot, especially if you love them deeply.
Aside from being very precise in their movements, love can make it difficult for us to see things clearly.
Are you wondering if you (or someone you know) are in a relationship with someone? Take a closer look at how much power they have.
Here are 13 subtle ways covert narcissists can take control of a relationship.
1) They shower you with love, at least at first
An underground drug dealer knows that in order for him to control you, you first have to be in love with him.
Related : 10 signs you’re dealing with a master manipulator (according to psychology)
Otherwise, they won’t have much effect on you.
Their long-term goal is to make you love them so much that they become everything to you.
And when they finally hear you say, “What would I do without you?” Or “You are my everything,” they will be thrilled.
Not only because they love to be loved and needed, but also because these are the magic words they need so they can take their next steps.
2) They tell you about their biggest dreams
They will become millionaires – just you wait.
They will create a best-selling novel, an Oscar-winning film, and an invention that will put them in the history books.
At least that’s what they always tell you.
Narcissists do this so that you support them in everything they do and never question their decisions.
After all, why not support someone who will one day be great?
They want you to fall in love and believe in their potential. This way, they can have their fingers crossed and make all the decisions.
3) They brag about their strength
If they earn three times more than you, they will let you know in their own little ways.
And if they’re fit and you’re a bit flabby, they’ll “joke” about it.
Well, they do it not only because they are narcissists who want to be the best at everything, they do it so they have a “good reason” to control you.
They see it as their ticket to control some aspect of your life. After all, they are “good” at those things, and you are clearly “bad” at them.
4) They’re good at serving up a shit sandwich
Secret Narrative finds it difficult to offer true praise.
They will praise you for your victories, of course. Not doing so would be strange.
But they won’t make you feel good about it because they’re afraid you’ll start taking your power back or worse — you’ll try to take control of your relationship!
So they will definitely praise you.
But to make sure you still feel a little insecure, they’ll add some criticism in between the praise.
Related : 6 seemingly minor things you should never tolerate in a relationship
That’s why their praise always comes with a ‘but’, and you don’t feel completely satisfied with yourself when you hear them.
5) They express their hatred for others
If they’re really underground drugs, they’re not doing it just to scream, they’re doing it to send you a clear message.
They want you to know what they don’t like (basically, the people they “oppose”). Most importantly, they want you to know what they are capable of.
They might tell you how they stopped talking to their sister who was always questioning their authority.
Or how they embarrassed their colleague in front of everyone for not following their advice.
Of course, they do this to make sure you won’t do the same!
They want you to be afraid of them, but they will do it in indirect ways so that you don’t suspect anything.
6) They play the role of damsel/dude in distress
Covert narcissists love to gain sympathy. It’s a card they often use to get what they want from others.
They will tell you how “miserable” they were before they met you.
They will tell you that they had a terrible childhood, that all their friends betrayed them, and that no one loved them…
They do so you have to take care of them…to act as their savior.
After all, you wouldn’t want to break their heart again, would you? They really lived a hard life!
7) “I do everything for you”
It’s not even the truth, but they’ll make it seem that way anyway.
They won’t say it just once or twice. They will hammer it into your head until you see them as the most loving and selfless partner on earth.
Why?
So you will do everything for them!
When they ask you for a favor, they will first remind you of the good things they did and all the sacrifices they made.
Or when you question their actions, they’ll say, “What? How dare you. I’m doing everything for you!”
A person who truly loves you will not enumerate the things he does for you, but a secret narrative certainly will because it is a means of control.
8) They’re “just trying to help”
They will ask you to do things, even those that are completely against your will.
They will tell you how to dress, how to eat, and how to behave in public. They will give you “advice” on the decisions you should make.
And when you call them, they’ll say, “What?!” I’m just trying to help!”
They will make you feel like they have your best interests at heart.
What makes this manipulative is that when you look closely, the person they are actually trying to help is none other than themselves.
9) Makes you feel like a fool for setting boundaries
Narcs are the most deserving people you will ever meet.
They want “yes” every time!
If you set boundaries and say “no” to their requests, they will accuse you of being unloving and unkind.
Related : 10 red flags you’re in a relationship with a toxic person
If you tell them you don’t want their friends to come to your apartment, they will withdraw their affection.
They’ll raise both hands and say, “Sorry. I thought we were a couple and shared everything. I misunderstood.”
Or if you ask them to stop playing drums at midnight, they will accuse you of not supporting their dreams.
10) They (subtly) flirt with others in front of you
No, you’re not just imagining things. They’re actually flirting with someone right in front of you!
And here’s the thing: they’re doing it on purpose.
Narcissists like to do this not only because they have an innate need for admiration, they do it in order to control you.
By constantly reminding you that it’s actually a great thing – after all, people find it irresistible! – They tell you that you should keep up with them if you really want them.
In other words, they want you to feel a little insecure about their love for you, so you will always try to make them happy.
11) They brag about how much they “love” their friends and family
If everyone loves them, then they must be loved, right?
Well, that’s what narcissists want you to believe.
They tell you how their family adores them, and how they are everyone’s best friend.
If they are truly a narc, they are doing it on purpose. This is to remind you that he is an amazing person and you should feel lucky that he chose you.
And if you are someone who has very few friends and family, this will make you stick with them.
This will make you think: “They must be great people because everyone loves them. Unlike me who only has a few friends.
At some point, you may even think, “There must be something wrong with me.”
These types of thoughts can affect your power dynamics in a relationship if you let it.
12) It makes you feel guilty for having a life outside the relationship
The secret narrative wants your life to revolve around them. This is how they can control you more.
They worry that by going out more, you will slowly realize that you can be happy without them.
That you can actually be more independent, and that you’ll realize that it’s completely okay to lose them.
Narcissists don’t want this!
In order to maintain their control over you, they will keep you locked in their love. But of course, they will be very meticulous about this.
If you want to go to your parents for the weekend, they’ll say something like, “Oh, but I thought we’d take a walk in the park?” – Although it is very easy to go to the park and rarely visit your family. Fathers.
And if you want to take a road trip with your friends, they’ll say “okay” but make sure you feel like a bad person when you walk out the door.
13) They withdraw affection
Narcs do this to give you “punishment” for not making them happy.
But they do it so subtly that you’ll think you’re just being paranoid.
For example, if you reject their request, they may still talk to you but will not look you in the eye.
Or if you tell them you can’t go on a night out with them, they’ll act cool but won’t kiss you goodbye like they normally would.
They do this to send the message that if you do things that will disappoint them, they won’t love you the same way… and that you might lose them.
finalthoughts
Being with a narc always makes you feel a little insecure, a little afraid, and a little worried that they will leave you.
