In the cycle of narcissistic abuse, disposal is the final stage. When a narcissist dumps someone, they have chosen to end the relationship entirely.

You are dead to them, no matter how connected you were. All narcissistic behaviors are painful, but disposal can be one of the most debilitating. You can truly feel like you’ve been used.

The narcissistic disposal stage begins when a narcissist stops receiving the validation they want from someone.

This can happen after you’ve started setting boundaries in the relationship or even started taking better care of yourself.

Disposal can also happen once the narcissist replaces their supply, either with another relationship or another hobby that’s meaningful to them.

Related : How Do You Know if a Narcissist is Gaslighting You?

Suddenly, you don’t hold the same value you once did (even though you probably did nothing wrong).

13 Signs of Narcissistic Neglect

The signs of narcissistic abandonment aren’t always obvious. In fact, many people are completely shocked after a narcissist cuts off all contact.

But if you pay close attention, you’ll notice that narcissists generally follow predictable patterns. Recognizing these behavior patterns can help you determine if ostracism is coming.

Here are some ways you can tell a narcissistic abandonment is coming:

1 They Get Harsher

Criticism tends to peak before the final ostracism. Suddenly, you feel like you can’t do anything right. You’re overly sensitive. You’re the cause of all the problems. You’re the problem in the relationship.

This behavior is a way to erode your self-esteem and make you question your feelings (also known as narcissistic psychological manipulation).

The narcissist still wants to maintain control of the relationship, and they want you to feel as bad about yourself as possible before they leave you.

2 They intentionally break your boundaries

It’s common for narcissists to double down on their problematic behavior before the disposal phase.

This is usually a way for them to annoy you. Sometimes they want you to feel so fed up that you end the relationship.

Then, they can appear to be the good guy and gain sympathy from others because you’re the one who walked away.

Even if you’ve set healthy, reasonable boundaries, the narcissist will generally act as if they’ve been completely restricted.

Once the disposal phase approaches, the narcissist will stop respecting you at all.

Therefore, they have no interest in paying attention to your boundaries. They may feel aroused by such a negative reaction from you.

3 They pull away

Dealing with someone with NPD can often feel like a push-and-pull dynamic.

One moment, they’re loving you and they’re smothering you with affection. Then suddenly, they become distant, distant, and cold. The timing is inconsistent, and you never know what might really set them off.

But as the elimination phase approaches, there’s much more pull than push. They stop interacting with you.

They no longer ask about your day or how you’re feeling. If you live together, it can feel like you’re living with a distant roommate.

4 They Don’t Even Try to Pretend to Care

Some narcissists lack empathy, but many narcissists can show cognitive empathy where they’ll generally also try to pretend to care about your life.

This empathy becomes especially important if they want to maintain the image of a good relationship.

But as they get closer to the end, they stop putting any effort into the relationship.

They won’t even pretend to care about what you’re doing or how you’re feeling.

This usually means that you’ve already been replaced by a new relationship or a new source of narcissistic supply.

Related : 8 unique habits of a low-quality man, according to psychology

If they used to be jealous, you can expect that to change as well. If the jealous narcissist no longer worries about your whereabouts, it may mean that they have already moved on emotionally.

5 They deny what is happening

Narcissists always want to be one step ahead of everyone else. Once they know you’ve figured them out, they’re likely to change their tactics and try to manipulate your reality.

So, if you confront them about their changing behavior, they’re likely to deny it. Or they’ll blame you for doing something wrong or changing yourself.

6 Narcissists Don’t Have Much Control Over You Anymore

Narcissists often rely on controlling behaviors to feel powerful in their romantic relationships.

But this only applies when they want to stay connected to their partner. They don’t care much if they’re actually on their way out.

As a result, you may suddenly feel this newfound sense of freedom.

This doesn’t mean the narcissist is being nicer to you. It just means they’re focused on controlling something else.

7 They Talk About Ending the Relationship

Narcissistic relationships tend to be volatile, but be aware if the narcissist starts talking openly about ending the relationship.

This may sound like I’m not sure how much longer I can put up with this, or I can’t believe I’m putting up with this relationship — it’s not going to be like this forever.

These are signs that the narcissist may be preparing for the final release. They’re essentially rehearsing their next steps with you right now. They may also be gauging how you’ll react.

8 They Turn People Against You

Narcissists want to protect themselves during the release phase. They’ll sometimes engage in a smear campaign to seek sympathy and support from others.

Don’t be surprised if they go after those closest to you — narcissists thrive on causing drama among family members and friends.

Unfortunately, this strategy can work to their advantage. They may convince people that they were the real victims in the dynamic.

This is why breaking up with a narcissist sometimes leads to the loss of other meaningful relationships.

9 They Spend Too Much Time With Someone Else

When a narcissist starts to lose interest in someone, they don’t necessarily try to rekindle that love.

Instead, they often seek support and comfort in a new relationship. This triggers a love-bombing phase with a new person, which temporarily satisfies their need for constant narcissistic admiration.

10 Their True Narcissistic Colors Revealed

Most narcissists wear some sort of mask even in their closest relationships. They want to maintain their self-image and make sure others think well of them.

Related : 10 Gaslighting Tactics Narcissists Use To Manipulate You

But when you reach the final stage, all the masks often come off. Narcissistic abuse tends to peak at this stage, where the narcissist stops showing off and truly reveals their deepest, truest self.

This can, of course, be terrifying for loved ones.

11 They’ve Made Other Changes

Even if you can’t tell if a narcissist is in a relationship with someone else, they may be ready to dump you if they suddenly change their appearance or personality.

They may, for example, start going to the gym more frequently. Or they may start spending a lot of money without telling you why.

12 They become more passive-aggressive

If you’re dealing with a covert narcissist, you can expect them to become more manipulative and passive-aggressive when they reach the elimination stage.

They sometimes act like nothing is wrong despite being cruel or indifferent.

At this stage, their devaluation is so strong that they no longer truly care about the relationship at all. As such, they no longer care about your needs or feelings.

13 They undermine your positive feelings

In healthy relationships, both people can experience genuine happiness for each other.

This is not the case with narcissists. They often feel threatened when others are happy, and they feel especially resentful when others succeed while they don’t.

As they prepare for the final elimination, you can expect them to be completely disinterested in your well-being. Or they may become malicious and critical when something good happens in your life.

What triggers the discard phase in narcissists?

The discard phase can sometimes happen quickly, but it’s often a gradual progression.

Narcissists fall in love with the expected fantasy, which explains why the love bombing phase is so intense. They literally believe they’ve found someone who can meet all of their needs perfectly.

However, over time, when someone’s true humanity comes out, they become angry rather than appreciative of that vulnerability.

They don’t like it when their “perfect” person has flaws. This begins the process of devaluation, which can be one of the most painful realities of narcissistic abuse.