Narcissists make every situation more painful, but I maintain that they are also great teachers.
Listen!
Narcissists are bad, yes. But they behave in ways that help us realize that lessons can be learned. We can turn a negative into a positive if it means we grow a little as a result.
So, what are these lessons? No matter how painful they are, you have to see them as opportunities for knowledge and growth.
Nobody Wants To Learn This
Who in the world wants to voluntarily endure all that pain just to learn a lesson?
Yes, it’s easier to know that in advance so you can swipe left and avoid them altogether.
But life doesn’t work that way, and sometimes you have to wade through the mud to reach dry land.
Related : The Narcissist Eternally Suffers From These 6 Things
Lessons are how you grow, and how you ensure you never experience pain and suffering again.
13 Painful Lessons You Have to Learn from Narcissists
- Love Is Not a Weapon
One of the truly important lessons learned is that love is not a word to be used against someone. It really isn’t, and few people take the time to understand this word.
Narcissists enjoy using love as a loaded weapon, with phrases like:
If you loved me, you’d start behaving properly in public.
If you loved me, you’d keep your hair long because you know I like that about you.
If you loved me, you’d try so hard to please me, but you don’t.
You can’t use love as an excuse to manipulate—but staying with a narcissist for so long makes that easy for victims to forget.
Learning that love is about respect and kindness will help you learn that you don’t have to keep trying to fit into impossible molds under the guise of love.
- The Only Revenge Is a Good Life
Victims have spent their lives wanting revenge on the narcissist. If only they could feel the pain you felt throughout your relationship, right?
It doesn’t work that way—and it shouldn’t.
A painful lesson to learn is that the best revenge is a great life. And the reason that pain is so great is because it takes time. It takes time to figure out what you want, to pursue it, and to get it.
Related : 13 Toxic Phrases Narcissists Use To Destroy Your Confidence
Narcissists don’t live good lives. They don’t wake up to the life of their dreams every morning—they’re absolutely miserable!
So what do you need to do to move beyond all this negativity?
Live for yourself! Live happily! Live well!
- Narcissistic Abuse Is Real
It’s time to stop denying the existence of narcissistic abuse, because it does exist. It does exist, and it’s painful for one in five people in a relationship right now.
Did you ever intend to get into a relationship with a narcissist? No!
The lesson is that sometimes you’re part of a statistic, and that’s not always a good thing.
However, narcissistic abuse is real. They will try to convince you that it isn’t, that it’s just an illusion, but this extremely toxic move is the very embodiment of narcissistic abuse.
- The Narcissist Acts
Nothing the narcissist has told you is real.
They lie, and they’re really good at it. The reason they lie is to encourage you to believe them. They want you, like a dog, to be obedient and know who’s in charge.
In general, reality is nothing more than an actor, playing a role masterfully.
So, the love they told you about, all the promises—none of it is real.
- Some Will Believe Them
I’m afraid it will always be this way.
All narcissists will manage to convince at least one person that they’re innocent.
Could it be someone close to you?
Absolutely. It could be anyone in your support system: friends or family.
Related : The Narcissist Wants You To Hate Them
It hurts because no matter what you say or do, nothing will change their minds.
- You Will Lose People!
Which leads to the fact that—yes—you will lose people along the way.
Some will simply refuse to “engage” and maintain a healthy distance from you. Others will completely side with the narcissist. Some may not like what you’ve become and will choose to abandon the friendship altogether.
It’s unfortunate that the narcissist is responsible for this—but it happens.
Think about yourself—what’s worse: being under their influence and having almost everyone around you support them?…
…or going through a hard lesson knowing that your freedom equals a certain amount of loss?
- Narcissists Love to See You Suffer
Your pain is their medicine.
Your pain is their livelihood.
Your pain is their joy.
They love every aspect of it, and they will forever stir that feeling inside you to give you a sense of happiness.
How many of you have noticed that when someone is having a bad day, a narcissist is at their happiest?
It’s so mean, isn’t it?
- Love Doesn’t Hurt
All this time, you thought it had to hurt; otherwise, it wouldn’t be love, but your research and time have proven you wrong.
Love doesn’t hurt. It’s not meant to break your heart, and someone who claims to love you doesn’t love you if they intend to cause you pain.
- Wishful Thinking Isn’t Life
Wishing and hoping that someone will change is a waste of life.
Related : 17 Signs You Dealt With Narcissistic Abuse as a Kid
You waste hours, days, weeks, and months waiting for them to come to their senses, and you’ll never get that time back.
The lesson here is that you can’t wait. It’s no use waiting.
- You Won’t Get Your Apology
No narcissist will ever apologize for hurting you, ever.
Apologizing to them is an admission, and if they admit to causing you pain, they’re admitting to being abusive.
They’d rather not do it at all.
- No Closure for Them Too
When all you want is closure, what you’re left with is never knowing why. It’s never going to be the closure you want, with the answers you need.
What you need to focus on at times like these is that sometimes no answer is the closure you’re looking for.
- It Was Never Your Fault
The pain of thinking the entire abusive situation was your fault is palpable, and you’ll never forget it, even if you get over it.
Related : Why I Couldn’t Tell The Difference Between Love and Narcissistic Abuse
It’s comforting to realize that the way you were treated wasn’t your fault, but it takes time to rewire your mind to fully believe that and form new habits based on it.
- Grief Is Present
Grief isn’t limited to the dearly departed and the dying.
It’s possible to grieve the end of a relationship or the person you wanted the narcissist to be.
Sometimes I think it’s easy to reframe your narrative in your mind to suit your desires.
If you portray the narcissist as the perfect person for you, your mind won’t be able to distinguish between that and reality.
Remembering this is difficult, and you’ll regret the story you’ve woven in your mind.
