Inferiority is a constant problem in an individual with narcissism, which often includes feeling inferior to one’s offspring. If a parent struggles with their sense of worth, this can be passed on to the child – also passed on to the child holding it up to the parent, treating it as if it were their own, and behaving less than the parent so that the parent can be greater than.
With all that in mind, here are 12 ways to look at a narcissistic parent. Notice how they react, even the subtlety, when you read them. It can provide ways for you to access yourself, and a path to open up your understanding. Once you have the slightest awareness you can hold onto, you can sit with it, take it to therapy, write about it and use it to prepare for the next step of awareness. Seeing patterns objectively—yours and the narcissist’s—is just as important as acknowledging your feelings.
Related : Why Companies Hire Narcissists
By not having your own traits, they are accessible to parents. At the same time, if you have your own traits, you will likely, on some level, fear your parents’ wrath.
By dealing with the expected traits of the parents (which are usually negative), you find yourself in a situation where you are trying to “improve” yourself, often with advice from the parent to whom the expected trait already belongs. If you do not have their negative qualities, then you also fear the anger of your parents.
You have been conditioned to hate all your good work or remain unable to see the value you provide. Or you hesitate to invest your time in something to become skilled because a part of you wishes a parent would notice. This is how you can reverse the project or keep the focus on the parents.
You act on your parents’ impulses, and you are shamed for it by your parents.
The fear of stealing what you have (ideas, friends, roles, place in the family) is the flip side of unconsciously giving it away (through the dynamic we are now working to heal).
Your light and attention are always being tracked by the narcissistic parent who is looking for ways to take it/feed off of it
You can exist in the family by supporting your narcissistic parents and they can never be accused of being selfish (because that would be inconsistent with the images you have created of them – but you can and you will).
The fake looks more real than the real one.
You become helpless when you focus on the parents.
You thought you were strong when you could “make” your parents happy.
The narcissistic parent takes credit for your good work, actually believing he or she did it.
Maybe you’ve been conditioned to call who you are “emotionally.” However, if a parent describes themselves as emotional, you’re probably used to calling yourself “cold.” At the same time, a parent may side with you, calling you “the sensitive/creative/smart/misunderstood/etc.” The important thing to keep in mind is that for the narcissist, words and labels are hollow and changeable.
